Attention Steam Greenlight Round-Up fans: I have an announcement! The announcement is….. this is the 75th anniversary of Steam Greenlight Round-Up! Wow! 75 years of Steam! 75 years of Greenlight! 75 years of…. complete and utter garbage. As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.
I THINK this thing is a human?
So, this is basically just the original Counter-Strike, but with different skins. And only sniper rifles. I really enjoy the confidence this developer show by naming it “Volume 1.” As if this game will get SO popular people will beg for multiple installments. What will really happen is nobody will ever play this and it will just become another forgotten garbage Steam Greenlight game. Much like every game showcased in this series of articles. Wait. If nobody remembers this game, will anyone remember these articles? Will my work just get tossed aside like last week’s leftover pizza? How can mirrors be real of our eyes are not? Questions that will haunt us for ages. Not this game. This game sucks and should be forgotten about immediately.
Best Comment: Unexpected Jihad: “this almost looks like the first arma game, but more crap”
A cool feature of this game is that you can’t see the game world.
Do you like STEAM PUNK? Do you like VIRTUAL REALITY? Do you like crappy STEAM GREENLIGHT GAMES? If you answered “yes” to any or all of these questions, leave this site immediately and never come back. If you are a smart person and answered “no” to these questions, please give us all your money. We love you. We do not love, however, this piece of junk game that should have never existed in the first place. I love how ambitious these Greenlight developers are. The game’s description speaks of multiple weapons the player will use, but the screenshots only show off one. Well, they KIND of show off one. It is hard to tell what is going on in those pictures. I did not even know Steam Punk was a “thing” anymore. I though it, hopefully, died years ago. Oh well. Even the best toilet gets clogged up sometimes.
Best Comment: Not a Linux User: “Get some better screenshots. I don’t want to look at only the SteamHammers.”
Fire effects from Geocities and a gun from a mid-90s FPS. Cool.
“Have you waited all your life for a game that brings plot and gameplay together?” First off, I am not really sure what this sentence means. This is the beginning of the game’s description on the Steam Greenlight page. How exactly can one bring plot and gameplay “together?” Do you mean games with good plot AND good gameplay? If so, there are a ton of them out there already. The Uncharted series is one example. I have a strong feeling that THIS game will not be good. “With full realistic environment…” Ummmm I think the screenshot attached to this article proves this statement to be wrong. “…beautiful sky-boxes…” What? What are “sky-boxes” and why would I want them in my simulator game? In fact, what exactly does this game “simulate?” The player does not play AS an island, they play as someone exploring an island. A better title would be Castaway Simulator 2016 or Stop Making Crappy Simulators 2016. Here are another couple things promised to be in this amazing game: “more rass.” Ah, yes, I love when my game has the sufficient amount of “rass.” What exactly IS rass, you may ask? I have no clue either, but the more rass the merrier I always say. The developer also promises a “survival ode,” which I can only imagine is an ode to surviving. Actually, I just thought of another simulator I would not mind seeing: Destroy Steam Greenlight Simulator 2016.
Best Comment: Dave Microwave: “Garbage simulator.”
