Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 15

By Bup
6 Comments

Generic First-Person Shooters, a re-release of a garbage game, and a crappy version of Phoenix Wright. All this and more* in this week’s terrible edition of terrible games.

Zombies are SO 2013.

UH OH, WATCH OUT FOR THOSE GENERIC ZOMBIES!

Codename: CURE

Zombies in an FPS? I would have never thought of that! Wait, and the player controls an elite, special operative in a secret branch of the military?! This has got to be the most original game one has ever seen! The only thing that would make it more original is if it is co-op and there is not really a set objective, other than blow stuff up and escape. What’s that? That is exactly how this game plays? Now I bet I am going to be told that there are different classes of soldiers, each of which has a unique skill set. They do?! Finally: an original game on Steam Greenlight.

I can now die in peace.

Score: AK-47/10

Best Comment: rafaelsguimaraes: “CS + another generic zombie game. Awesome!”

Why? Just why?

Ugh…

Chipsse Solid 3 : The Green Adventure ++

If this looks familiar, it is because I have already “reviewed” a version of this game in an earlier article. For some reason Chidonkai thought it was a good idea to re-release his masterpiece “Chipsse Solid 3,” which is supposedly and “artistic” game about the journey to find a game designer. Oh, whoops. I spelled “autistic” wrong. Sorry about that. There is nothing “artistic” about this game. This is the videogame version of someone throwing poop at a canvas and declaring it art. It is like the game version of a movie directed by Kim Kardashian. This is serious the quintessential pile of trash that Steam Greenlight was made to show off. Hey, at least it is not an RPG Maker or a Unity Engine game.

Score: The Worst Crap/10

Best Comment kitty dog amazer: “nope”

We find the defendant... BORING AS HECK!

Phoenix Wright: Ace Snoozefest

Judged: A Court Simulator

Hey, remember the Phoenix Wright game series? Yes, those courtroom trial games with the quirky, funny characters and interesting game play? Well, imagine if we made that game, but it was a horrible piece of garbage! Any of our readers who have had the pleasure of sitting through an actual trial will know that, for the most part, they are boring, tedious, and nothing really happens. Why one would want to recreate that in a game format boggles my mind. Oh, and according to this game the judge gets to determine how many witnesses get called for a trial, because that would not cause a mistrial and the judge to get voted out of office or anything like that.

Score: Larry Butz/10

Best Comment: Quinto Fabio Massimo: “Add even Italian, please.”

*Not actually more

6 Comments

  1. Java
    Posted 2014.12.09 at 13:38 | Permalink

    I wonder how Quinto feels about odd Italian.

    I also wonder how a chainsaw ended up as evidence in a tax evasion case.

  2. Lusipurr
    Posted 2014.12.10 at 01:06 | Permalink

    What the fuck is going on here?

  3. Mel
    Posted 2014.12.10 at 07:39 | Permalink

    Hm, Judged? It’s not a game version of Judge Judy where you must come up with insults as fast as possible? Not interested.

  4. Bup
    Posted 2014.12.11 at 10:36 | Permalink

    @Java: Maybe the case has something to do with a Cuban drug lord?

    @Lusi: Seasons Greetings.

    @Mel: Honestly, I would play a game where you play as Judge Judy. Maybe one where you play as all the different TV show judges?

  5. Mel
    Posted 2014.12.11 at 13:37 | Permalink

    I was a huge judge show “fan” back in the day. Judge Mills Lane, Judge Judy (she’s still on and one of the highest paid people on CBS!) and The People’s Court were my usuals back in like, middle school.

    Not sure how you’d make this into a game besides just ripping off Phoenix Wright.

  6. Java
    Posted 2014.12.12 at 00:39 | Permalink

    “Not sure how you’d make this into a game”

    Easy. RPG!

    We begin our story with Clerk Judy in Docket Town, a quiet port town on the Eastern shore of Exhibit A, one of three continents in the game. Unbeknownst to the residents of Docket Town, the only Court House was built to hide a cave, which happens to double as an ancient prison for the Verdict Gavel, a wooden warhammer forged from the fires and blood of a time when disputes were settled on the battlefield.

    A shadow falls upon the peaceful Docket Town as Judge Reinhold (dressed as Negative Man) storms the town with an army of Gremlins. Fueled by the festering inadequacy of not being a real judge, he torches Docket Town and massacres everyone in the courthouse except Clerk Judy, who happened to eating a panini in the file room on her break. When she emerges, she manages to stay hidden from Reinhold long enough to realize his nefarious plan to steal the Verdict Gavel and use it to wipe out all other judges in the land so that he can claim the title solely for himself, once and for all.

    Clerk Judy knows her mission, and the dangers she must face on the path to become a Judge, for only a true Judge’s power can stop Reinhold in his tracks. Along the way, she must decide who she can trust, and rally a company of heroes such as Greg Mathis, Mills Lane, the heavy hitting Joe Brown, and many, many more. She must first embark to Eminent Domain, where the Honorable Joseph Wapner will set her on the path to Judgement, thus leaving Judy to fulfill the Fiduciary Prophecy.

    Yeah, I’d play that.