In one of my recent, award-winning posts the developer of the indie “game” BoxesWithGuns kindly asked me to actually play the game before I criticized it. I decided to take the developer, Toemsel, up on this challenge and actually download and play his game. Unfortunately, when I attempted to install the game I received an error message each time. What follows is an actual representation of my time attempting to play and review BoxesWithGuns. These events occurred on Sunday, September 28, 2014.
Cool job making the game impossible to watch.
10:30 A.M.: I roll out of bed, hungover from the night before. I would love to say I got drunk in scared anticipation of playing this game, but I just got drunk to get drunk.
10:40: I boot up my computer and search on Google for “BoxesWithGuns.” I find a link to download and play the game. I click on the link and immediately load Facebook in another tab.
10:41: I forget I opened up the download page for the game and start watching an episode of “Twin Peaks.” I also begin playing my Nintendo 3DS during this.
11:10: I walk downstairs and make myself a tuna sandwich. While making the sandwich I remember about the game. I walk upstairs, sandwich in hand, and re-open the tab containing the download for the game.
11:11: I learn that I must download and install a program in order to download and play BoxesWithGuns. This bothers me, but I download this program anyway. While waiting for the download to complete I continue watching “Twin Peaks” and I eat my sandwich. It is quite good.
11:30: I notice the program has finished downloading and my virus scanner has determined that this file is “clean.” I wonder to myself if I will also feel “clean” after playing this game.
Rainbow Power: ACTIVATE!
11:32: I install the program that is, for some reason, necessary to play the game. I just want to say that again: I had to install a program to install a crappy indie game because some guy got angry at one of my humor posts. This is my life.
11:34: Upon installing the program I realize I also have to register for an account. I do so and receive an email containing an activation link for my profile. “Is this even worth it?” I think to myself. I hesitantly click the link included in the email. My account is activated. I can only feel that my entire life has been changed for the worse because of this event.
11:35: I load up the program, sign in to my profile, and begin my search for BoxesWithGuns. I find that, oddly enough, it is on the front page of the program as a “Featured Game.” Maybe I was wrong about this game. Maybe it actually is good. I highly doubt this, but at this point I am willing to give the game a chance.
11:36: I begin the download process of the game and look away from my screen. I continue to watch “Twin Peaks” for a few minutes without checking the download.
This is the worst thing that could ever happen to me.
11:41: I check on the download of the game and notice an error message on my screen. The game did not download successfully. I attempt to download the game again.
11:43: Another download error appears on my screen. Apparently the program could not complete the download process. I exit out of the program and try the download again.
11:47: The download again does not finish correctly. I decide I am better off not playing this game and I am sure my life is better for it.
So there you have it, gentle readers. I tried my best to actually play this garbage game and failed completely. However, I am not sad about this situation. In fact, I am happy that I did not have to sit through any second of this complete pile of garbage. I hope Toemsel appreciates my efforts and realizes this game is a pile of trash.
