Lusipurr.com
Heads-up, cupcake! If you have only just noticed, it is now A.D. 2013 2014, and that means that Lusipurr.com is once again looking for intelligent and enthusiastic applicants to fill out the employment application. You are probably turning away at this point, casually remarking to yourself (in barely sentient urban-speak), ‘I dun be a’ knowin’ these fancified verbiages.’ And indeed, if this is the case, shuffle on, ye dismal clod, for Lusipurr.com already has blockheads sufficient. But, if you are instead given now to pause, thinking (in sagacious and resplendently deep tones signifying austerity and wisdom), ‘Forsooth, long hath I harboured swych a desire; now myght I see it thus fullfil’d,’ allow us to direct your eyes down to the bottom of the site, where a link to the employment application can be found.
At this time, Lusipurr.com is searching for several excellent candidates for the position of Staff Writer. The conditions of employment are brief: one must be intelligent, highly literate, critical, not employed in another competing journalistic endeavour, and at least eighteen years of age; assigned tasks to include the writing of weekly multimedia (i.e. pictures inclusive) editorials or reviews consisting of approximately one thousand (1,000) words; remuneration offered in the form of review copies (when [infrequently] available), a reserved podcast panelist slot, eligibility for bi-yearly staff drawings for free games, an equal share in profits (when and if the site starts making a profit); requirements on successful interview to consist of your legal contractual signature and your own immortal soul, irrevocably granted to Lusipurr himself, without condition.
A successful candidate may well possess the following additional qualities worthy of note: experience in the fields of journalism or publishing, or successful completion of a literature or journalism degree at an accredited university or college; a long history of readership and participation with Lusipurr.com and its attendant community; a deep and abiding love of video games, possibly having had a formative effect; and an erudite and sophisticated demeanour, complemented by a knowledge of cultural edifices. Those possessed of but little wit need not apply.
Applications will close on 1 February. Those who have previously applied (including former staff members) are encouraged to do so again, as we continually update our employment application to suit the changing nature of the site and the industry. Finally, we encourage all applicants to submit a writing sample with their application, though no such sample is initially required. You should also ensure that your application and your writing sample are proofed, free of errors, and written in standard English. Applicants’ failure to do so has been known to be decisive in our hiring decisions.
Please pass the word on to other excellent people you know, and if you want to work with another equally excellent friend, you may submit your applications together. The bottom line is that Lusipurr.com is always looking for excellent people, and we can always find a spot for excellent people. If you are excellent, show us, and you’ll have a place here. That way, we can all be excellent together.
Thank you for your interest in Lusipurr.com. We look forward to exploiting employing new, excellent individuals soon.