It is time my friends – no, not time for Microsoft’s E3 presence to come to an end (the right time for that was five minutes into their conference) – rather it has reached the hour whereat I must hang up my novelty hat with heavy heart, and surrender my position at Lusipurr.com to younger blood than I.
Our toilets flush the wrong way in Australia.
Nothing would have made me happier than to continue on writing for you gentle reader, to the end of my days – and yours, but alas the real world intervenes, and I have duties which I can ill-afford to neglect any longer. People close to me have questioned my commitment. Dark rumours have begun to circulate of me leaving associates deeply unsatisfied with my performance as a Man. The elderly have begun to spit as they pass me in the street, while mothers have taken to throwing their babby at me – and so it is come time for me to put away childish things, and devote my full energies to my full-time drinking, lest I be forever deemed un-Australian.
I would like to thank Lusipurr and the Lusipurr.com staff (past and present) for being as good as people can be on the Internet, and I would like to thank you dear reader for being not much worse. Writing for you has been a source of constant joy, and keeping you lot entertained has given me a sense of purpose not easily replaced (except by drinking) – but buck-up chums; goodbye is not the end.
We will see one another again I should wager (I can feel it in my whiskers). You may pass me in the subway as I am busking for Beer money with my Didgeriedoo, clad in a ragged shirt stained with sweat, vomit and yesterday’s Cheetos. You may chance upon me as I am ejected from your local Pub, and proceed to lurch about the streets for the next half-hour in search of an equally low-rent watering-hole. You may even encounter me as a guest on the latest Lusipurr.com Podcast – but only once I have truly hit rock bottom. For you see, there is a SiliconNooB on the lips and the hearts of every surly drunkard.
In short, please do not think of this as an end, but rather a beginning – a beginning of much drinking for a certainty – but also a new beginning of sorts for the new-look Lusipurr.com, and, of course, a new beginning for a fresh new writer who will come to take my place, and keep this great mill of INDUSTRY from falling silent.
In this time of transition it is important that you remember to remain hale and hearty, that you cherish your pillows, and that above all else you do not allow Lusipurr to review any game with the names ‘Final‘ and ‘Fantasy‘ in the title.
Thank you for having me,
G’day!
