Lusipurr.com
Lusipurr.com — the very mention of this revered and respected name is enough to enforce an awed silence upon the gibbering, plebian masses. Where ‘entertainment’ sites like Porygon and the blogs of people like Mr. Sam A. Gutra may collude together to enforce the unity of a single view upon the unthinking lemmings that constitute their cheering fanbase, Lusipurr.com aims for a more traditional approach: criticality, objectivity, independence, and a firmly uncrossable divide between reporters and the subjects of reporting. Indeed, Lusipurr.com’s position on this issue is so well known that developers never even return our calls: they already know that this is a site which will never compromise on its principles.
Other sites may have the plasticated flash–the bling of being festooned with the internet equivalent of rhinestones–that comes from a big budget and bigger advertising revenues. But Lusipurr.com eshews such ostentatious draperies–ersatz artfulness!–preferring a clean design and a cleaner conscience. It is an oft-repeated fact that Lusipurr.com will never advertise, nor will it accept advertisements. Our readers are informed of every least receipt from any developer. Consequently, Lusipurr.com employs only men and women of unimpeachable character, possessed of unassailable integrity, honesty, and objectivity.
Although working at Lusipurr.com is rewarding, it is not, perhaps, an ‘easy’ task: the creation of a post each week can be difficult for anyone lacking in ideas or motivation. But for those dedicated few who have good ideas, clear thinking, and a desire to employ both for the betterment of the video game industry, the lofty heights of journalistic idealism beckon. Joining our staff may not be financially remunerative, but there are benefits:
– 24/7 access to our staff-only Skype chat
– A podcast panelist position
– Employee of the Month drawings for free games
– And so much more!*
* not much more
Consider these testimonials from current and past staff members:
Joining the staff at Lusipurr.com gives you real life experience. You will learn to write, learn to interact with others, and learn that every notion you’ve ever had about yourself is wrong. Every tiny bit of armour you have collected to protect yourself over your short, pitiful life will fall away – piece by piece – until you are left in the basement of Castle Lusipurr, naked and crying, wondering where your identity went and if you ever had it to begin with. It has been one of the more rewarding experiences of my life. Join us!
- Ethos, Co-Founder and General Editor
Ethos is absolutely correct. In addition, our basements are already prepared with custom-made, uncomfortable, orange, plastic chairs. You may be naked, but you will not be without barely-adequate seating!
Want to write reviews and editorials for video games? Want to be a part of a growing, intelligent wonderful community? Want to almost constantly be yelled at by a man in a Pith helmet? If you answered “Yes” to any or all of these questions, then Lusipurr.com is the right place for you!
- Bup, Co-Founder and Staff Writer
Please feel free also to consider employment if you want to be yelled at by a man in a Bowler, a Trilby, a Panama, or a Sun Hat! These are just some of the options open to lucky Lusipurr.com employees.
GIVE LUSIPURR.COM A GO – THE PLASTIC SEATING IS ACTUALLY QUITE COMFORTABLE! [It's really not].
- SiliconNooB, News Director
As SiliconNooB himself can undoubtedly confirm, the discomfort of the chairs can be swiftly ameliorated by imbibing large quantities of Foster’s. Please note: as a result of the Late 2012 “Sinking of the Poseidon” lavatory incident, free Foster’s is no longer provided in the cafeteria.
Readers of the Lusi-coms: You may be wondering why on Earth you should apply for any of the open positions at our wonderful site. The reasons are manifold, as you no doubt realize, so that should leave you needing only a good motivating factor. Don’t do it for the fame*, don’t do it for the free* banana stickers, don’t do it for scathing heat of Lusipurr’s friendship*, don’t do it because it will give you a wonderful chance to get your name out to the world and exercise what little creative talent you have left after life beat it out of your bones and told you it was “silly nonsense”. In fact don’t think about it much at all, and apply. It’ll be fine*, I promise. Probably*. No, it will.
- Mel, Communications Director
To clarify, free banana stickers are no longer available. Each banana sticker must be earned through hard graft and much diligence. Here at Lusipurr.com, rewards are earned, not given. Also, at Lusipurr.com, the presence of an asterisk denotes veracity!
Lusipurr.com is more than a game review website. It is the crucible of literary skill. Come in as a novice wordsmith and leave a true master of the vernacular! Seriously, Lusipurr understands words. If you don’t understand how to use words, he can help you understand words, because words are good.
- Iliya, Former Staff Writer
Most words are good. Some are not. Bro is a terrible word. Its use is forbidden.
If by now you are wondering how you can join our elite staff roster (as you certainly are), you can find a link to our Employment Application at the bottom of the site. Those who successfully and diligently complete this application will be contacted for details about furthering the Lusipurr.com employment process. Your name could be featured amongst the site writers–your voice present as a panelist on The Starlight Megaphone–your computer locked into our staff ‘water cooler’ whenever you want to carp and moan about the state of the industry. The first step is applying and, as the founder of the site, I encourage you to do just that.
We look forward to working with you soon. Good luck to all prospective employees!
Now, DiceAdmiral will finally shut up about making a hiring feature.