Christian ‘Iliya Moroumetz’ Clark

What ho, hello thar, greetings, and Friends, Romans, and Countrymen.

My name is Christian ‘Iliya Moroumetz’ Clark. After bribing Lusipurr to let me be his personal chef and thug, he, in his infinite wisdom, mercy, and vision, allowed me to start writing articles for him. All jesting aside, I am honored and humbled that I have the chance to write articles for the site.

Being somewhat older than most gamers, I was around before Nintendo hit the western shores, playing Manhole with the mac, yet, having no idea how it was supposed to work back in the early to mid 80s. I also was large into the stand up arcade games that you younger peoples would hear about. It takes me back; the tacky and discolored carpets, the loud and obnoxious rock blaring out of the speakers, the many pointless lights in attempts to blind you, and the punishingly difficult games meant to be hard to pilfer you of your quarters.

Even as the home consoles from Nintendo came about, I still loved the arcades because that was the only place you could play the Neo-Geo games without shelling out seven hundred dollars. Yet, throughout the years, my love of the stories presented in these game, both home and arcade, despite as minimalist as they were, captured my imagination. It lead to Final Fantasy 2 and 3 for the SNES being some of my favorite games of that generation because Square, at the time, knew how to use so much with so little.

These days, however, on the verge of becoming a chef, or line cook for my internship if you want to be specific, time is not as prevalent as it was in my younger days, however, I use my time to play games that I know I will play and enjoy for the story mostly. It also has made me somewhat jaded on account that most ‘writers’ in videos are not really all that interested in writing good stories, but would rather make a game instead of something to think or remember, much to my consternation.

On the other hand, I am a masochist in some cases. I still play World of Warcraft and Diablo 3. And League of Legends, because a part of me hates myself and wants to wallow in the mud with the unwashed masses.

Not one to stay within a particular genre, I have been getting into a few select shooters that tickle my fancy. And by a few, I mean one; as the Bioshock games, while imperfect, are certainly deeper and more capable of drawing you into their world instead of your run of the mill HETEROSEXUAL MANDEATH 6: FIERY CHAINSAW BLOOD GUN EDITION!

Another aspect of my self-harming tendencies is arguing with people about the merits of storytelling in games and how we need to stop being lazy about them until I am blue and or red in the face.

Outside of games; I am a savant of B grade movies thanks to the immortal Mystery Science Theater 3000, and its spiritual successors; Rifftrax and Cinematic Titanic. As previously noted, I am a chef because I love to cook. Also, being a classically trained singer, I still have aspirations to fame and fortune as a world traveling opera performer. Yes, yes, delusions of grandeur, but at least they are grand!

With all that, I hope to raise the level of discourse about a hobby that has been with me through my whole life, before power slamming it through the floor in ways that would make Mayor Mike Haggar proud.


  1. Lusipurr
    Posted 2014.04.12 at 17:11 | Permalink

    “Operation: Hire All the Readers” continues apace!

  2. Ferchu
    Posted 2014.04.12 at 17:28 | Permalink

    ¨Another aspect of my self-harming tendencies is arguing with people about the merits of storytelling in games and how we need to stop being lazy about them until I am blue and or red in the face¨ Hey, I think the same. Welcome to from a 100% pure reader :D

  3. Lusipurr
    Posted 2014.04.13 at 14:26 | Permalink

    Ferchu is 100% pure reader?

    I wonder if all of our other readers are as unadulerated as he is. :o

  4. DiceAdmiral
    Posted 2014.04.13 at 21:38 | Permalink

    Congrats to Mr. Moroumetz!
    Still reading strong here too! Ferchu doesn’t stand alone.

  5. Lusipurr
    Posted 2014.04.14 at 01:02 | Permalink

    Two! Two readers! Ah ha ha!

  6. Ferchu
    Posted 2014.04.14 at 11:14 | Permalink

    Lusipurr – we are more than meets the eye. You could also say we are the part of the iceberg that you can see . question: any chance for Oliver to return to the podcast in the future? I am listening to the first podcast (“Lusipurr and Metaridley’s Entirely Unscripted Video Game Podcast Extravaganza!”, It’s gold .

    DiceAdmiral – we had to endure (and survive) the miley cyrus week, but we did it with pride damn it!

  7. Jahan 'The Legendary Zoltan' Honma
    Posted 2014.04.15 at 07:20 | Permalink

    Congratulations, Iliya. I’m looking forward to seeing what you write about.

  8. DiceAdmiral
    Posted 2014.04.15 at 10:38 | Permalink

    We readers truly are Robots in Disguise. LusiReaders Transform and Roll Out!

    I’m actually not in favor of Oliver on the podcast. He just kind of drags the mood down, like an unfunny Eeyore.

    It would be fun to hear from new staff members on the podcast. Maybe a pre-recorded introduction or short interview with Lusi? Perhaps too much work, but it’d be neat.

  9. Ferchu
    Posted 2014.04.15 at 19:15 | Permalink

    no, no, no, we are talking about Oliver ¨There is no exploration in metroid¨ Montock, he brings joy and happiness to those who hear his words so full of gloomy feelings that makes one’s life so much better in comparison .

    Joking aside Oliver is one of my favorite members. We can agree to disagree in a civilized way of course :D . Oliver and Lusipurr just click together so well, but in a different way than with Silicon Noob.

  10. Ethan 'Ethos' Pipher
    Posted 2014.04.16 at 09:04 | Permalink

    My sense is that, for better or worse, it will be some time before Oliver appears on another podcast.

  11. Ferchu
    Posted 2014.04.16 at 15:08 | Permalink

    I suppose that’s better than never