What ho, hello thar, greetings, and Friends, Romans, and Countrymen.
My name is Christian ‘Iliya Moroumetz’ Clark. After bribing Lusipurr to let me be his personal chef and thug, he, in his infinite wisdom, mercy, and vision, allowed me to start writing articles for him. All jesting aside, I am honored and humbled that I have the chance to write articles for the site.
Being somewhat older than most gamers, I was around before Nintendo hit the western shores, playing Manhole with the mac, yet, having no idea how it was supposed to work back in the early to mid 80s. I also was large into the stand up arcade games that you younger peoples would hear about. It takes me back; the tacky and discolored carpets, the loud and obnoxious rock blaring out of the speakers, the many pointless lights in attempts to blind you, and the punishingly difficult games meant to be hard to pilfer you of your quarters.
Even as the home consoles from Nintendo came about, I still loved the arcades because that was the only place you could play the Neo-Geo games without shelling out seven hundred dollars. Yet, throughout the years, my love of the stories presented in these game, both home and arcade, despite as minimalist as they were, captured my imagination. It lead to Final Fantasy 2 and 3 for the SNES being some of my favorite games of that generation because Square, at the time, knew how to use so much with so little.
These days, however, on the verge of becoming a chef, or line cook for my internship if you want to be specific, time is not as prevalent as it was in my younger days, however, I use my time to play games that I know I will play and enjoy for the story mostly. It also has made me somewhat jaded on account that most ‘writers’ in videos are not really all that interested in writing good stories, but would rather make a game instead of something to think or remember, much to my consternation.
On the other hand, I am a masochist in some cases. I still play World of Warcraft and Diablo 3. And League of Legends, because a part of me hates myself and wants to wallow in the mud with the unwashed masses.
Not one to stay within a particular genre, I have been getting into a few select shooters that tickle my fancy. And by a few, I mean one; as the Bioshock games, while imperfect, are certainly deeper and more capable of drawing you into their world instead of your run of the mill HETEROSEXUAL MANDEATH 6: FIERY CHAINSAW BLOOD GUN EDITION!
Another aspect of my self-harming tendencies is arguing with people about the merits of storytelling in games and how we need to stop being lazy about them until I am blue and or red in the face.
Outside of games; I am a savant of B grade movies thanks to the immortal Mystery Science Theater 3000, and its spiritual successors; Rifftrax and Cinematic Titanic. As previously noted, I am a chef because I love to cook. Also, being a classically trained singer, I still have aspirations to fame and fortune as a world traveling opera performer. Yes, yes, delusions of grandeur, but at least they are grand!
With all that, I hope to raise the level of discourse about a hobby that has been with me through my whole life, before power slamming it through the floor in ways that would make Mayor Mike Haggar proud.