Philip Seymour Hoffman loves you.

Blerk? Has it really been a week already? Did I play any video games? Did I play LEGO Harry Potter and LEGO Lord of the Rings literally all weekend?

Yes I did. Well perhaps not literally in the literal sense of the word, but about as close as one can get while still sleeping and eating and perhaps doing laundry and bathing. Perhaps.

Therefore there are not a lot of new gaming experiences for me to talk about. Yes, Etrian Odyssey is still boss and LEGO games are still a blast, but all competent LusiDreamers know that. So I suppose I just have to – wait! I remembered something.

Shovel Knight

For some inexplicable reason, I seem to still be on press lists for local Nintendo events. I might be confused, but I am not complaining. The event was mostly just a rehash of titles I saw back in July, but there was one new title in particular that caught my eye, and once I got my hands on it, it triggered my anticipation as well.

Perhaps I should have already heard of it, but Shovel Knight is amazing. It is not just the retro visuals and style – because as we all know, that alone is not enough – but the precise, challenging, and satisfying level design combined with tight controls whet my appetite pretty thoroughly. There was not a Nintendo representative assigned to this particular game because I suppose I was supposed to be happy that it was there at all, so I did not receive any details, but from what I could surmise, “knight with shovel stars in retro side-scrolling platforming action-adventure” sums it up pretty well. Provided that I even hear about the release date, I plan to download this on the day of.

Sweet game.

Speaking of Day Of

Yes, this article is posted late, but can you blame me? All of North America is tuning in to watch the mayor of my hometown – a large child named Rob Ford – show the world how to simultaneously go up in flames while managing to still run the largest city of a first world country. Seeing as I work in TV, this has been a difficult thing to ignore. I suppose the only way I can relate this whole debacle to video games is to link to a twitter conversation with a former writer for IGN. It should be noted that Canadians are very used to engaging in debates about American politics so thoroughly that it would appear we are Americans ourselves, all while accepting that Americans mention Canada about once a week, and usually in the form of a tired and ill-informed joke. So it is strange to me that Americans actually seem to have an idea of what is happening in events that hit close to home.

But at the same time, I am sick of this shit and would prefer it if everybody would just discuss interesting ideas or good art and stop being so mesmerized by train wrecks in an effort to feel better about themselves.

Nexus 5 Tomorrow

In another effort to talk about things that are – at best – only tangentially related to video games, tomorrow I am receiving my first new phone in three years. I never could have afforded an unlocked contract-free phone in the recent past, so I decided to treat myself this time. While my love for video games runs far deeper than excitement for new technology, I am definitely a sucker for the latter. I cannot say that I like mobile gaming all that much, but every so often a gem like Game Dev Story comes along and I am glad that I own something more powerful than a rotary phone. Not that I need maxed-out specs for Game Dev Story, but maybe I also run more embarrassing but more power-taxing tower defense games on my phone as well. Maybe.

But To Bash IGN

I used to be a fan of IGN, but that was a number of years ago. After sarcastic and interesting personalities like Hilary Goldstein, Erik Brudvig, Ryan Geddes, and David Clayman left, the site finally realized the potential of glossed-over shallowness it had been already striving for. Like, did the guy who reviewed this even play the game? Being personally sick of a gameplay type is not the same thing as objectively reviewing a game. I will happily read well-supported negative reviews of games I like, but people should not be paid for writing reviews like the one linked. But they are. And Rob Ford is mayor of Toronto.

Okay, bye.

Things really are decidedly unfine.

Produced 2013.03.17

EA Fineness Minister Chris ‘Sabin’ Privitere is again called in to announce the news of a further downgrade in EA Fineness. Then, between tears of grief (or are they tears of joy?), the panelists prove to The Legendary Zoltan that Panty Machines do exist!