Microsoft acted as patron for games such as this until it became easier to just throw moneyhats at Activision for timed-exclusivity of CoD map packs!

Sony Follows Microsoft to the Bottom in the Exclusive Content Racket

The fifteenth day of the eleventh month has come and gone, and with its passing has ushered in the beginning of a new console generation [no, we do not count the Wii U]. With a new console generation comes new console strategies – Microsoft has already revealed their hand with a reliance on television and NFL licenses, and now the pieces of Sony’s console strategy are also starting to come together, and the results are not entirely to one’s liking.

In order to effectively differentiate a new piece of hardware the vendor thereof must be able to depict it as being capable of functioning in ways that competing devices cannot, and the easiest way to do this is to secure some exclusive content that cannot be accessed on any other platform. Throughout the last generation Sony appeared to favour utilising company resources in order to secure wholly exclusive titles for the PS3, while Microsoft for their part quickly dispensed with acquiring entire titles outright in favour of purchasing exclusivity [or timed-exclusivity] of select chunks of content. The effect that this approach has is to effectively compromise the gaming experience that owners of the competing platform are able to have with the titles that they paid sixty dollars for, while at the same time doing very little to positively differentiate the character of one’s own gaming platform. Sony also did this last generation, but only [seemingly] as an afterthought.

This time around Sony appears to have gone after exclusive content in a very concerted fashion. The PS4 version of Assassin’s Creed 4 is set to feature sixty minutes of platform exclusive gameplay, with Ubisoft’s Watchdogs also in line to receive some manner of unspecified exclusive content. Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes is also set to receive an exclusive mission which will see players take on the role of the PS1 iteration of Solid Snake in all his low resolution polygonal glory, while the PS4 release of Diablo III will see the introduction of all new mechanics. Meanwhile, PS4 owners will be granted first access to beta testing for both The Elder Scrolls: Online and Bungie’s Destiny. In all there are twenty publishers/developers who have signed on to deliver exclusive content to the PS4.

While one finds it morally indefensible to deprive someone who has paid full price of the content that is due them, that alone is not reason enough for consternation [they are Xbots after all]. Rather, it is because this approach only subtracts value for a competitor, rather than creating anything of positive value for one’s self – in short, it involves spending money in a way which will not produce anything of value for gaming.

A more regular roster of Japanese releases may ease the burden of the JRT.

Sony Supports the Localisation of Japanese Content

Sony are currently standing at the dawn of a whole new console generation with the launch of their PS4, while at the same time also supporting a hendheld system that is not doing so well in the sales department. On top of that their PS3 is still a going concern at a time when Sony will be looking to transfer the bulk of their support to the PS4. All of these platforms require content and bribing publishers for exclusive mission packs does not look to be capable of picking up all the slack, which is why it is most important that Sony be able to fully leverage the content that already exists for their platforms.

It is with this in mind that Sony established what they refer to as the third-party production team, a group dedicated to maximising the amount of regional content that is able to be localised into foreign markets. When individual gamers harangue Sony staff with their release-begging it is often intuitive to think that their wishes are being consigned to the waste paper basket of no fucks given, yet according to Sony’s Adam Boyes third-party productions director, Giovanni Corsi, has been monitoring social media and Sony blogs in order to compile a list of Japanese content that Western gamers would like to see given a local release – a list that is topped by the PSP releases of Final Fantasy Type-0 and the newest Suikoden title, along with the PS3 release of Yakuza 5, and a possible port of the Dreamcast’s Shenmue games.

“When we started the third-party production team, it was born out of necessity. We had a lot of publishers and a lot of content that had come out for various platforms and various territories that weren’t necessarily coming to our territory, platforms we’d love to see them on.

The key is to bring people that are fans of certain content great stuff. So if people are fans of Japanese content, you can imagine that’s a place we’re putting a lot of effort into. People who are fans of the Vita, you can imagine we’re putting lots of effort into that.”

The obvious candidate for Sony’s localisation efforts is Final Fantasy: Type-0, as the series already has a fanbase which numbers in the millions. The Vita may not be doing so well right now, but a PSN release of Final Fantasy: Type-0 might well provide the push that many PS4 owners need to pick up a Vita for subsequent use in remote play. It would make a lot of sense for this to be one of the titles that the third-party production team is working on, especially considering that Shuhei Yoshida tacitly suggested earlier in the year that something was being done on this front. At any rate, one considers a team dedicated to the localisation of Japanese content to be a thoroughly worthwhile endeavour, and something which stands to positively differentiate Sony from their rivals.

BAN THIS SICK FILTH!

Australia Requires a Molyneux Set of Ratings Guidlines

Upon the implementation of Australia’s very first R18+ rating for video games the celebrations were decidedly short-lived, as it quickly became evident that the misogyny-obsessed and utterly incompetent Gillard government had implemented some utterly arcane and borderline unworkable guidelines when it came to the depiction of female sexuality. Until now one of the most absurd casualties of these heavy-handed guidelines was Atelier Totori Plus, an anime-based game that had been determined appropriate for children under the previous ratings regime, yet earned an R18+ rating for sexual violence under the new botched legislation. Well, as it turns out Fable: Anniversary [the HD remake of Fable] is the newest game to be added to this absurd list.

While one finds it utterly delightful that Fable has been determined as being unsuitable for children of any age, it has nevertheless been designated as such on the most appallingly nonsensical grounds. One curio present in the Australian ratings system with respect to depictions of fornication and drug use, is that they are held to be many times more disagreeable in instances where their occurrence results in a reward for the player. Thus, if a Grand Theft Auto player avails themselves of the services of women of negotiable affections, only to have their health replenished, then this is something that is frowned on by Australia’s dour ratings guidelines.

It is the Grand Theft Auto scenario which appears to have been applied to Fable, only the sex in question consists in its entirety of the screen fading to black, while the player reward is nothing more than the birth of an in-game heir! Yes, that is right, Julia Gillard and her hopeless, bumbling thralls have succeeded in classifying the actual biological purpose of engaging in sexual intercourse as being objectionable contraband – to the extent that a more gratuitous sex scene could have been included in the game while incurring less of a ratings-penalty, provided that the game did not reward the player with the biological fruit of his loins. The original Australian rating of Fable was ‘M’ [the equivalent of America's 'T' rating], the HD re-release of Fable: Anniversary has been rated R18+ for “Sexual activity related to incentives and rewards” because idiocy. Sometimes one truly despairs.

“Prease look forward to more shitty social games”

People Only Fail Upwards at Square Enix

The above statement is a sentiment regarding Yoichi Wada that is in ready supply on the internet, but one which is also inaccurate, if ever so marginally. More accurate to say that the man has failed sideways and [possibly] ever so slightly downward, or at least that is one’s best guess at interpreting Square Enix’s [seemingly deliberately vague] corporate descriptions. It is actually very difficult to definitively put an answer to whether or not Wada now holds more or less seniority than he did previously.

When Yoichi Wada was initially stripped of his presidency in the wake of some abysmally poor performance on the part of Square Enix, it was subsequently promised that he would not be re-appointed to the board of directors – but then a lot of things were promised in the wake of that announcement, not least of which was the company’s return to a focus on core gaming; and everyone and their mother knows how that particular pledge turned out. This week it has come to light that Yoichi Wada has been appointed as chairman of the board of directors for SQUARE ENIX CO., LTD.; making his replacement, Yosuke Matsuda, directly answerable to him in the running of the company. This has led to many news sources reporting on this as a demotion which is really a promotion, but that is not necessarily the case.

Yoichi Wada has been named as chairman of the board of SQUARE ENIX CO., LTD., but Yosuke Matsuda is the president of SQUARE ENIX HOLDINGS CO., LTD. This seems to indicate that Matsuda is responsible for the day-to-day running of Square Enix’s entire media empire, while Wada is responsible for setting the strategy for one portion thereof. In all likelihood this probably just means that Wada has been given dominion over Square Enix’s in-house gaming division, though it is anyone’s guess as to whether this also includes Eidos and Taito. At any rate, it is very difficult to pinpoint Wada’s seniority, as he is square Enix’s only listed corporate officer to hold the title of chairman of the board – thus it is neigh-on impossible to discern whether any of his fellows hold equal or greater seniority within the company.

In other Square Enix news for the week, Naoki Yoshida, producer and director of Final Fantasy XIV, stated that there really was not much use in developing HD games at this juncture:

“Sales on the current HD game consoles aren’t even that good. Especially looking at the Japanese market, honestly there is no business merit to making HD games now.”

Lucky then that Square Enix has not squandered the last couple of years developing a next generation console engine and having Visual Works render assets for it!

“Who fucked the new ratings legislation?”

Australia, You Had One Job…

Australia, long the butt of the civilised gaming world for its archaic and arcane video game ratings system, was thought to have come of age with the introduction of an R18+ classification, yet the evidence continues to mount that Australia’s bungling and incompetant ALP government has` managed to get this legislation terribly wrong. Gamers first knew something was amiss when earlier in the year Atelier Totori Plus for the Vita received an R18+ rating for sexual violence, despite the fact that the earlier PS3 release of the same game resulted in a child-appropriate PG rating. This week not one, but two games were refused classification for release in Australia – making them illegal to sell.

The first title was the XBL zombie survival title, State of Decay, for using narcotics as medication [heaven forefend!], while the latter title was the high profile Saints Row IV for “interactive, visual depictions of implied sexual violence which are not justified by context” ['won't somebody think of the children?!']. One is quite uncertain as to what ‘justified sexual violence’ might look like, though it seems likely that it is the sort of sexual violence which occurs exclusively to men. The ‘sexual violence’ which the Australian Classification Board references in this instance entailed a large, purple dildo weapon which the protagonist may insert into an enemy’s backside and discharge in order to fire them into the air – surely that hilarity is all the context that such amusing diversions require?

At any rate, it is thoroughly unsurprising that any censorship legislation drawn up by the gender-obsessed former Gillard-government would prove itself to be utterly incompatible with any form of entertainment which does not happen to be as sexless as Julia Gillard herself. This is but one small drop in an ocean of bad policy that the nation will struggle to slowly unwind over the coming years and decades. That is the unhappy Gillard legacy.

I’d wager that this is not how Persona fans wished to see auction house implementation

The Last Gasps of Atlus?

This week the venerated JRPG development team of Atlus look to be making one final roll of the dice for survival after their parent company, Index Holdings, filed for bankruptcy. Index has made it clear that they see Atlus as a viable concern, and as such are looking for a buyer – yet this task has been made exponentially more difficult by Index’s relatively recent decision to roll the entity of Atlus into the operations of Index Digital Media, Inc. This means that Atlus is no longer a readily purchasable discreet development house, but rather a brand-name within a larger development ecosystem – making Atlus a less attractive prospect to potential suitors, who may not wish to take-on Index Holdings’ large stable of mobile/social gaming developers. For instance, Nintendo and Sony, the two potential white-knight saviours most frequently invoked within forums, have little need to take on infrastructure and employees who’s proficiency lies in the production of cheap smartphone games. Perhaps the two companies for whom this purchase would create the most synergy are Gung Ho and Square Enix [owing to their respective stakes in the sphere of mobile gaming]. Of these two companies, Gung Ho is probably the more likely suitor, owing to its stronger balance sheet.

In all likelihood Atlus IP will probably end up at auction – especially if Index creditors feel that there is more money to be made from carving up the beast – and so it should be no surprise to see properties like Shin Megami Tensei and Etrian Odyssey end up being developed by other development studios. Atlus IPs going to auction certainly does not preclude a white knight like Nintendo from swooping in at the eleventh hour, snapping up Shin Megami Tensei along with the Atlus brand itself, and then establishing an internal studio staffed by key Atlus talent – but then there are also a good number of companies like Square Enix, Konami, and Capcom who would be quite happy to simply buy the IP, and give it to one of their own internal [most likely mobile/social] development teams to work on.

Atlus president, Naoto Hiraoka, has pledged that Shin Megami Tensei IV and Dragon’s Crown [tough luck, feminists!] will still be releasing in America on July 16 and August 6 respectively, though whether the Dragon’s Crown online multiplayer and Shin Megami Tensei IV‘s planned DLC can be supported into the future will remain to be seen.

[Stretch goal]: Post bail for Ken McCulloch

[Breaking]: Former Silicon Knights Employee / Precursor Games Co-Founder Arrested Over Child Pornography Charges.

No, it was not Dyack – this time. Rather, it was Dennis Dyack’s protege, confidant, and close personal friend, Ken McCulloch, 42, who was discovered to be a dirty big rock spider. McCulloch was a twenty year veteran of Silicon Knights where he served as director of content [basically he has been the senior designer and co-writer for every big game that Silicon Knights has ever released; including Eternal Darkness and Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain], before sloughing off the Silicon Knights brand-name in order to dodge the money owing to Epic Games. After co-founding Precursor Games McCulloch’s job description became: “Lore Keeper, World Builder, and Dream Merchant“, though those dreams quickly ran to nightmare when his studio’s first project, Shadow of the Eternals, was broadly dismissed by the gaming community, before this week being arrested by the Niagara Regional Police on counts of “Possession of Child Pornography, Making Child Pornography Available, and Accessing Child Pornography“.

Predictably, Precursor Games CEO, Paul Caporicci, was as quick to sever all ties with McCulloch as he was with Silicon Knights, immediately pulling his employee profile and denying any remaining connections that McCulloch may have had to Shadow of the Eternals:

“Having just learned of these disturbing charges today and based on the serious nature of them, Ken McCulloch is no longer affiliated in any way with Precursor Games.”

Precursor Games’ prospects of being funded by Kickstarter are now even deader than when they were forced to pull their abortive campaign. It will never get up now – time to resell their assets to themselves? At any rate, Pedophiles usually operate within networks, so if only the Canadian police knew of a like-minded assemblage of persons to help them get their investigation rolling. Hmmmmm…

The possibilities are only limited by one’s ability to save the damn game.

SimCity Is Actually Fully Playable Offline

EA and Maxis’ mantra regarding their SimCity reboot has up to this point been centered around emphasizing the title’s intractable online functionality and services, while stressing that such contrivances have rendered playing offline all but impossible. Moreover, Maxis has gone on record saying that turning SimCity into an offline title would be a vast undertaking on their part. Would it then surprise anyone to discover that such claims were 100% poppycock?

Modders have this week been able to have SimCity up and running in offline mode [via a debug mode which still allows full communication with EA's servers] – with one crucial exception. The game is still unable to save progress locally, after EA/Maxis punitively quarantined this functionality to their servers, so as to prevent people from functionally playing the title offline. The fact that every single component of the experience functions offline gives absolute lie to the claim that such measures were undertaken to incorporate certain online features into the title – this measure was intended as DRM, plain and simple, and it has certainly come at a tremendous cost to early adopters of the game, who were unable to play their $60 software for the majority of last week.

An anonymous EA insider has this week claimed that:

“The servers are not handling any of the computation done to simulate the city you are playing. They are still acting as servers, doing some amount of computation to route messages of various types between both players and cities. As well, they’re doing cloud storage of save games, interfacing with Origin, and all that. But for the game itself? No, they’re not doing anything. I have no idea why they’re claiming otherwise. It’s possible that Bradshaw misunderstood or was misinformed, but otherwise I’m clueless.”

For her part, Maxis general manager, Lucy Bradshaw, responded to the past week’s revelations by blowing more smoke up butts:

“The game we launched is only the beginning for us — it’s not final and it never will be. In many ways, we built an MMO. So, could we have built a subset offline mode? Yes. But we rejected that idea because it didn’t fit with our vision. We did not focus on the ‘single city in isolation’ that we have delivered in past SimCities. We recognize that there are fans — people who love the original SimCity — who want that. But we’re also hearing from thousands of people who are playing across regions, trading, communicating and loving the Always-Connected functionality. The SimCity we delivered captures the magic of its heritage but catches up with ever-improving technology.”

So congratulations to Maxis on creating an “MMO” that is [with a little work] fully playable offline. And it is also heartening to hear that Maxis’ game is catching up with “ever-improving technology“, as, at this rate, it will be playable any day now.

Consumer? Try anthropomorphic money-sack.

Kickstarter Degrades Still Further

This week business as usual at Kickstarter has degraded still further, with the Kickstarter for a Veronica Mars movie [backed by Warner Brothers] being launched, and meeting its funding goal in record time [of course]. So what does this have to do with gaming? Well, everything as it turns out. This is not an isolated incident, but rather a further piece in a jigsaw which has been forming throughout 2013.

In February of this year Takedown: Red Sabre, a successfully funded Kickstarter, was picked up by commercial publisher, 505 Games. In the same month Dreamfall Chapters: The Longest Journey took to Kickstarter with the promise of a continuation in a property wholly owned by Funcom, a commercial publisher. The game is being ostensibly developed by an independent studio – yet this studio is being headed by one of the main creative talents of Funcom, and they are working on a property that is wholly owned by Funcom, making the legitimacy of the project highly dubious.

Finally, at long last Warner Brothers, one of the big Hollywood publishing companies, has launched its own Kickstarter – signifying the first time that a multinational publisher has been willing to put its name to a project that is asking for consumer charity. Not only does Warner Brothers also publish video games [Lollipop Chainsaw], but more importantly their actions set a precedent that is sure to be keenly observed by video game publishers in general – and particularly the tone deaf ones such as EA. The way that these shameless villains operate is not by pulling off one audacious heist, but rather by chipping away at the ethical underpinnings of Kickstarter until their disgraceful racket is initially hardly remarkable, and subsequently common place. Step by step these slick criminals are making theft from imbeciles something that is held as common place, and thus acceptable.

Logic: Feminist is not thy name.

God of Reconstructed Male Identity

This week feminism has once again reared its ugly and unshaven pits into the world of gaming, with the confected furor surrounding God of War: Ascension. The testosterone-charged game is [or was] host to a trophy titled ‘Bros before Hos‘, which is an exceedingly well-known term in the common parlance. It would seem that all this was too much for one game journalist, who was left with no other recourse but to scream out of his vagina the rallying cry of ‘misogyny‘!

The reviewer in question was the former host of Xplay, Adam Sessler, who described this banal sequence as “one of the most violent things I’ve ever seen in a video game“, and goes on to call it a “gut-punch of misogyny” which soured the rest of the experience for him. In essence the sequence entails the player being awarded the ‘Bros before Hos‘ trophy for evading an ambush which has been staged by one of the Furies. And thus a series which has been well known for its violence towards [and the expandability of] women, has now been issued a slap on the wrist for including an eminently common turn of phrase.

Rather than laughing off this rank foolishness, Sony Santa Monica has added their name to the list of publishers who have ceded ground to the insatiable tides of butt-hurt – yet they have done so in the most delightfully nonsensical way. The ‘Bros before Hos‘ trophy is being altered into the ‘Bros before Foes‘ trophy, which changes precisely nothing on account of players still needing to be familiar with the ‘bros before hoes‘ turn off phrase in order to have the trophy’s name make sense.

One of the most troubling things about white-knighting in game culture is that it tends to be carried out almost exclusively by narcissistic hypocrites, and as such is broached with no measure of perspective or even consistency. Faux feminists and their little morally superior pet issues are much like a dog with a bone, in that if they are thrown something to chew on, then they will ignore all else. Thus we have something which is no worse than anything else in the industry, yet here it is being discussed on account of some self-important fucktard having a problem with it.

SiliconNooB’s lack of reverence towards important women’s issues no doubt make him some sort of dreadful Mahogonist.

The Feminists Are Angry Again

This week saw but the latest instance of fomented feminist furor, as the sanctimonious dullards of the internet got their collective tits in a twirl about Deep Silver’s shocking mahogany towards women, by way of a dismembered necrotic female zombie bust which the studio is shipping with the Zombie Bait edition of Dead Island: Riptide. This is what happens when a population collectively forgets how to use language; scatter-brained feminists start thinking that any object depicting feminine traits constitutes female objectification, and no doubt the next stage of their penumbral putsch on Western culture will be the outlawing of female shop manikins [because sexism]. Deep Silver for their part seem to have been caught by surprise, offering a full grovelling backdown and spineless apology. Whether this will do them a single jot of good is a source of some considerable personal skepticism however, as one harbours significant doubts as to whether any of these feeble braying plaints have originated from Dead Island: Riptide‘s intended audience.

“We sincerely regret this choice. We are collecting feedback continuously from the Dead Island community, as well as the international gaming community at large, for ongoing internal meetings with Deep Silver’s entire international team today. For now, we want to reiterate to the community, fans and industry how deeply sorry we are, and that we are committed to making sure this will never happen again.”

The Dead Island: Riptide Zombie Bait edition is a silly idea to be sure, in that most of these premium editions [sans Ni No Kuni] appear to constitute a colossal squandering of money that could be better used to kindle a fire, roll into a joint, or purchase numerous cat photos from the photographer, Nate Liles. That said, there is nothing in the Zombie Bait edition that is any more or less content-appropriate than a giant Master Chief helmet was to Halo 3. This being the case, it is quite difficult so see why the shrill throngs of humourless feminists would see the Zombie Bait edition as sexually objectifying towards women, though one supposes that it is certainly a more lusty and desirable item than the average feminist, so maybe they regard it as some sort of threat? The lack of orifices may be problematic, but one could no doubt whittle a Anita Sarkeesian head for the top while sculpting a Megalissa McEwan paper-mache head for the bottom, and thereby have a cunt at each end.

“A callous, corrupt, and corrupting shadow industry that sells and sows violence against own people.” ~ Wayne LaPierre

NRA To Target Children, Find an Ideological Partner in NAMBLA

With the Sandy Hook shootings one month behind us it is perhaps tempting to look back to the aftermath and contend that the NRA handled that particular chestnut in the worst possible fashion – the NRA however are keen to prove that assertion woefully wrong. How wrong? Wrong enough for the NRA to dwarf their initial magnitude of bad taste and hypocrisy by this week releasing a free gun training video game on iOS, suitable for ages four and up.

NRA: Practice Range is a game which looks to introduce America’s tykes to the world of big armourments by allowing them to fire a selection of nine different firearms at virtual targets by using either gyroscopic or faux analogue controls. Interspersing this high-caliber entertainment experience will be helpful gun safety tips and a news-feed of second amendment related bulletins – because nothing says ‘children’s entertainment’ like a steady drip-feed of politically partisan news propaganda.

One must seriously contemplate whether the NRA are trolling at this point. The correct course of action for even the most ardent automatic weaponry aficionado would have been for them to hold their tongue during the direct aftermath of the Sandy Hook shootings, and then to have offered a vigourous defense of automatic weapon ownership once gun control legislation had surfaced, on the basis of second amendment precedent and the fact that automatic weaponry accounts for comparatively fewer violent deaths than conventional firearms and close-quarters weaponry. Instead the NRA attempted to blame video games for the Sandy Hook shootings, even as they rushed out their own gun propaganda video game like the pack of hypocritical weasels they are. In no way have they made any inroads in arguing their case, and worse, even some of the vaccuous drones who bought into initial NRA claims that video games were responsible for the Sandy Hook shootings must surely have been left scratching their heads at news that the NRA had produced their own child-targeted video game.

Get the hose, they’re at it again!

These Are Not the Queens You Are Looking For

Since the start of the current console generation Electronic Bioturds [formerly Bioware] has been relatively consistent in offering same-sex relationship options, yet their ailing single-player MMO, The Old Republic, has until now been without such provisions. Electronic Bioturds’ rationale for leaving out homosexual relationships was that homosexuality does not exist in the Star Wars universe, which [to one's best knowledge] is a position that is validated through the consistent absence of sodomites within the Star Wars cannon, and was no doubt a stipulation insisted upon by LucasArts. After a lengthy and embittered campaign of social justice however, Electronic Bioturds reversed their position and pledged to bring gay companion characters to the world of The Old Republic.

This week Electronic Bioturds have reached out to inform their gay fans [the entire fanbase, no?] that their initial pledge of gay companion characters will involve much more work than was previously thought, but that in the interim their forthcoming expansion pack, Rise of the Hutt Cartel, will introduce the gay planet of Makeb, where gay NPCs will strike up sassy conversations replete with fruity dialogue options, which will lead to wonton and outrageous trysts and extravagant cavorting – in short, everything that a gay player could ask for save for the inclusion gay companion characters [which are still forthcoming].

Gay people are not happy however [but then what coddled minority ever is?]. Some gay people are unhappy because the expansion will not allow for the homosexual companion characters that were promised; the implementation of which has taken longer than expected to do properly. meanwhile other gay people have complained that having a gay planet amounts to sodomite segregation [would they prefer Bioware to delete it?]. While still other gays are upset on account of having to purchase an additional expansion pack in order to be massive homos, labeling Electronic Bioturds’ significant gesture as “pay to gay”.

All of this whinging and bitching begs the question of why any studio would want to hop on the politically correct merry-go-round when this is their reward. Electronic Bioturd’s The Old Republic is struggling for its very existence as a viable MMO, and yet they have nevertheless devoted considerable resources in order to appease roughly one percent of the adult population – and yet in spite of this, their initiatives have just been met with more complaining. It certainly makes one nostalgic for the days when games only had to be games, as opposed to serving as the crystalised social conscience of Western self-loathing.

FFXIII-2, Now with Squall and Wakka!

Suddenly, Release Dates!
This week brings us English-speaking rubes great news in the form of several localization release dates! First, Cooper’s much anticipated Pokémon game, Pokémon Rumble Blast (formerly known at Super Pokémon Rumble), will be releasing in the United States on the 24th of October. In the 3DS title, players take control of Pokémon in the form of wind-up toys, searching the world for Drops of Light which enable the Pokémon to fight. The game has different single-player battle modes in addition to co-op and versus modes to be played with over six-hundred kinds of Pokémon. Another series Lusipurr.com cannot live without, Final Fantasy, has also set a release date on the follow-up to 2010′s tunnel RPG. Final Fantasy XIII-2 will be released in Japan this coming December, with the English release launching a month later. Finally, the curious El Shaddai: Ascension of the Metatron has been pushed back due to “unforeseen logistical issues,” which everyone in the industry is taking to mean ‘we know Atlus’ Catherine will outsell us and do not want to be buried by the competition.’ The Ignition title will instead release on the 26th of August, the developer quoting on their Twitter, “don’t worry, everything is fine.”

Playing video games with girls.

Misogyny Versus Misogyny
We have all heard the jokes before; there are no women on the internet, get back in the kitchen, where is my sandwich, how are you play video games with a dick in your mouth, such and so forth. You, a male, and your similar penis-wielding friends want to have a LAN party, but you are not the type to laugh and jeer at female gamers and do not want to invite any types that are so callous. What is the best way to do this? Why not exclude women from your event altogether? That’s exactly what a group of gamers in Texas have planned for their upcoming Battlefield 3 release party. The group initially changed the paragraph detailing their ‘no girls allowed’ rule, then removed it entirely after many people brought up a good point: is it you do not want them to be insulted, or you do not want to waste the breath to insult them to get them to leave? All this could have been simply a ‘guy’s night out’ that became horribly misconstrued, but regardless, they are not doing any favors for the shining stereotype of the male Texan (sorry, Lane).

Its all their fault!

March of the Morons
It was only a matter of time before some loon decided that the bombing in Oslo, Norway just had to be blamed on video games. As if it were any surprise, the target of their ire is Modern Warfare 2 after one obscure line in the attacker’s 1,500 page manifesto: “I see [Modern Warfare 2] more as part of my training-simulation than anything else.” Because more than the rest of the 1,500 pages of anti-Muslim propaganda, one video game is what corrupted him. Thirty-two year old Anders Behring Breivik is in police custody after he detonated a bomb that killed seven then opened fire, killing eighty-five more. World of Warcraft is also being implicated, though not as directly, saying the hours upon hours he spent online actually accounts for most of his time spent calculating these attacks. Breivik was motivated by the influx of Muslims immigrating to his country, feeling they and their multicultural aspirations were a threat to European culture. His choice of venue was no random decision; the youth camp was known to serve the children of high-ranking Norwegian officials. Activision could not be reached for comment on this specifically, but in an unrelated interview, Infinity Ward’s Robert Bowling discussed the similarities between the Modern Warfare series and acts of terrorism occurring outside of the game. “I’m not too worried about it because the conflict that’s raging in Modern Warfare 3 is very different from any real life scenario,” he says, almost certainly recalling the controversy brought on by the “No Russian” mission in the first game. It will be curious to see how both the loons and the industry will respond to this tragic turn of events.

Lollipop Chainsaw

Bloody Candy
Do you like Killer 7? What about No More Heroes? If director Goichi ‘Suda 51′ Suda has yet to win your heart with either title, perhaps their new IP will win you over. Lollipop Chainsaw follows the life of Juliet Sterling, a pretty blonde cheerleader at San Romero High School with a love of all things pink. She comes from a long line of zombie hunters and, when zombies invade her high school on her eighteenth birthday, she is forced to pickup her trusty chainsaw and hack through droves of undead. Perhaps an homage to the disgust of just about everyone towards the Twilight series, these undead shower Juliet in sparkly pink and gold blood as they are being hacked through. Grasshopper Manufacture has said they the game is about seventy percent complete and that they already have plans for it to be released in English, but no release date is yet announced. No further details exist at this time, only plenty of screenshots best described as pink as hell.