Bup Plays Greenlight Games

Bloodborne w/ Blitzmage & Guest Part 3

LusiPlays: Final Fantasy VII Part 3

Bloodborne w/ Blitzmage & Guest Part 4

I bet this elephant wishes he could forget this game!

Age of Survival

Like pretty much all Steam Greenlight games we have seen this game before a million times. This game in particular is a clone of Rust which is basically a clone of Minecraft, but set in a post-apocalyptic world. It seems like each of these clones seem to degrade the further away the game is from the original. Minecraft is fun, Rust is decent, so I can only assume that this game is complete and utter garbage. The fact that it is on Steam Greenlight just proves my hypothesis even more.

Best Comment: Black: “relative known concept but nethertheless for me a MUST HAVE – voted”

Hahaha. Yes. I understand what is happening in his picture!

Baby

Yes, this game is about… uh… something. I am not 100% sure. Maybe one of the readers can explain it in the comments? It looks like a platformer in which the player is some sort of scorpion/human baby hybrid fighting some sort of worm/bee hybrid. Maybe this game is just one big commentary on the state of genetic research? Oh wait, I am getting breaking news. Yes. Hmm yes. It seems like this is a Steam Greenlight game, so who cares what it is actually about. It is garbage.

Best Comment: RayRayRay: “NES (Dendi) games had better graphics than this. NOPE.” (Writer’s Note: I do not know what “Dendi” is supposed to mean here.)

I hate anime.

Con Amore

As mentioned many times in these Round-Ups: I hate anime. However, there is one thing I hate more than anime. That is WESTERN anime. Western anime in the form of a crappy dating sim is the worst thing that could ever happen. Western anime in the form of a dating sim that is posted on Steam Greenlight? That is basically my version of hell.

Best Comment: This game is so bad that as of the posting of this article there are no comments for this game.

Heheheh let’s home these are “magic” mushrooms!

Loneliness

Imagine if there is a game with really bad graphics that allowed the player to explore a city devastated by a nuclear explosion. Imagine if those graphics are really terrible and the gameplay is incredibly boring. Imagine if it was made in Poland so all the English was translated using Google Translator. Well, imagine no more because this game actually exists! Since it is Polish it probably has some message about Chernobyl or something like that. Something that warns the player of the dangers of nuclear power or some hippie crap like that. I am American, so I do not really care about what happens outside of my country.

Best Comment: greentree534: “I like Adventure horror game.. good”

Finally. Minecraft with guns!

Bomb Wars

Hmmmm. This game looks familiar. I just cannot put my finger on it. It looks like a game in which the player crafts, but he or she also mines. Would any of my dear readers help out with this? A game where the player mines and then crafts. Oh, I remember now! This game is just a crappy Minecraft clone with guns! It is like a 15-year-olds wet dream! Wait, I am getting some breaking news now. Oh, a game like this already exists called Ace of Spades? So, this game is a clone of a clone of Minecraft with guns added just to get those Call of Duty players to buy it too? Well, this IS Steam Greenlight, so nothing should surprise at this point.

Best Comment: Knights: “Don’t worry everyone this will never make it to steam so just no/thanks it and you’ll win!”

GARBAGE DAY!!!!!

Garbage Day

I am pretty sure this game is based off a scene from a crappy horror movie called Silent Night, Deadly Night. Even if it is not, this game is horrible and I wish I could throw it out on actual garbage day. I wish I could throw all of Steam Greenlight out on garbage day. I wish I could throw my horrible existence out and start over… on garbage day….

Best Comment: Jhaymes: “So um… why is the Win 98 machine in a Mac shell? :)”

Yes, I totally know what is happening in this picture.

Zombie Hero

This is a game where the player does.. um… something? Honestly, what is even going on in that screenshot. The “cover” of the game looks like it is a Guitar Hero clone with zombies, but I see none of the same gameplay elements in the other screenshots. It looks like it has more to do with Pac-Man than anything else. I am also pretty sure all the “people” in this game were just stolen from knockoff Emoji apps. A knockoff game with knockoff graphics. What has this world come to? Wait. Wait. Zombie Hero. So, is the player the heroes OF the zombies?! This game makes NO sense.

Garbage Score: Please stop making zombie things/3
Age of Developer: Old enough to think zombies are still a “thing.”
Development Time: Two days.

I wish the developer of this game would have kept this game to himself.

Zombie Shotgun Massacre 3

I have said it once, and I will say it many more times: I hate anime. What I hate even more than anime are crappy indie games using a “hot chick” to sell copies. This game combines both together, and adds zombies just to make it even worse than it is already. The worst part of this game is that this is apparently the third game in a series. So there are two out there waiting to be mocked by these articles. Unless that has been done already. I do not really remember what I write most of the times. This is crap, anime is crap, zombies are crap. Triple crap.

Garbage Score: I should have saved that “triple crap” joke for this part of the review/3
Age of Developer: Kawaii
Development Time: Desu

Hmmmm where have I seen this before?

Deck of Heroes

I do not even care about this game. I do not even care about this “review.” Honestly. I can deal with the millions of zombie games. I can deal with the Guitar Hero and Pac-Man clones. However, I cannot deal with crappy card games. Card games are one of the easiest games to make, so I cannot understand how someone could screw that up. Also, this game looks like every other card-based game that has ever come out. The developer could not even think of an interesting or unique premise for the game. Just another generic fantasy world. Who cares….

Garbage Score: This is a depressing review/3
Age of Developer: I am sorry if I made you feel bad about your life
Development Time: I love you

The intense mission of “Make Lunch.”

Scarlet the Zombie Slayer

I really do not know where to start with this game. Maybe I should begin with the art that looks like something etched into a highschool desk. Perhaps I should then mention the ridiculous typical post-apocalyptic premise? No. I am going to mention the fact that the developer had the hubris to compare his piece of junk game to God of War and The Walking Dead. I can 100 perfect guarantee it is nothing like either of those things. Also, the main character is wearing a diaper. Apparently bladder control is not something they teach in the future.

Garbage Score: The Walking God of Crap/3
Age of Developer: Probably like 17. And he’s late for a final!
Development Time: Like a month to draw the crappy pictures and two days to program the game.

I bet the player cannot wait for this game to end!

Boot Hill Heroes

I think this is the most racist game summary on the Xbox Live Indie Game marketplace. Last time I checked people do not really use the word “Indian” to describe a person of Native American descent. However, that is not the worst thing about this game. The worst thing is perhaps the lowest form of video game development one can do: making your game in RPG Maker. Actually, I am not sure this game was made in RPG Maker, but it looks darn close. Plus, it looks stupid, so that is another nail in its coffin. I bet this game stinks like an old west latrine! Ha ha ha! I am hilarious! Please, someone love me.

Garbage Score: Six shooter/3
Age of Developer: RPG Maker + old west theme= Mid-20s.
Development Time: It is RPG Maker, so like two hours.

No, not a doorknob!

Really Scary 2

Our good friend Chris Antoni returns with a piece of crap sequel to his piece of crap Xbox Live Indie Game. Basically the player looks at pictures of the developer’s parents’ house and something jumps out at random times. Oh. Oh, wait. Nevermind, it IS something original! The game’s description assures us: “A horror adventure game like no other on XBLIG.” Nothing is like this! Not even the original Really Scary which is basically the same premise but with different pictures. What a creative guy that Mr. Antoni is!

Garbage Score: Please do not let there be a number/3
Age of Developer: I Google-searched “Chris Antoni,” and the pictures made him look like he is in his early 20s.
Development Time: Like 15 minutes to take the pictures, but HOURS scaring himself while programming the game.

Just in time for Easter!

Bad Bunny

Most of the games on the Xbox Live Indie Marketplace have absolutely no audience. Nobody should ever want or need to play any of these games. Except for this game. There is one person for whom this game was, for lack of a better term, made for: Elmer Fudd. In fact, I would be surprised if Fudd did not make this game himself. In this game the player takes the role of a bunny who shoots other bunnies with a laser. That is it. Nobody ever asked for this game. Nobody should ever want to play this game. Unless they are a fictional cartoon character.

Garbage Factor: Daffy Duck/3
Age of Developer: I am assuming it is Elmer Fudd, so however old he is.
Development Time: Whatever.

Huh. I don’t. Huh.

The Undead Syndrome 2

This game is so good the developer did not feel it necessary to write a description about the game. Apparently this is a sequel to some other piece of junk game that nobody cares about. The game’s summary mentions something about nightmares or whatever. Not even the screenshots help explain the story. In fact, they make the game seem to make even less sense. The real nightmare is that anyone has been subjected to this in the first place.

Garbage Factor: Seriously, what is even happening in the above screenshot?/3
Age of Developer: There are like rocks and a weird compass or something.
Development Time: What is up with that hermit crab thing on the totem pole?

Ah yes, all the sights of the beach: sand, swimsuits, brick walls, saw blades, and kung fu.

Lifeguard

Wow, this game is so bad even the developer stops caring halfway through the game’s description. It seems like the developer just took a bunch of random gameplay elements he or she enjoys and threw them all together. Runner-type gameplay, swimming, flying, driving, AND CPR?! This has all the makings of the worst game ever. I can guarantee any sales of this game are strictly because of the boobs on the game’s cover. That or they are a friend of the developer. Want a free copy of the game? Just read the game’s description and tweet at the developer! Make sure to mention Lusipurr.com!

Garbage Factor: I do not even think numbers go this high/3
Age of Developer: Hmmm, main character is a lady with giant boob…. 15?
Development Time: I am not sure of the exact numbers, but I am sure that more time was spent modeling the boobs than on the actual game.

That’s not all I want to put on the snowman hehehehehehe

Ask My Avatar Winter

This is a game in which the player answers questions. Seriously, that is it. The player just walks around as their Xbox Live Avatar and answers questions nobody cares about. Then the player does other winter-theme activities that one can just do by going outside. So, essentially this game is just school during the winter. Not really something that anybody would, or should, want to play. The fact that the developer of this game is actually charging for it is ridiculous. If I wanted to answers a million questions while someone throws snowballs at me I would just talk to my mother for the first time in ten years!

Garbage Factor: I miss my family/3
Age of Developer: I ran away from home because my mom would not allow me to jump on my bed.
Development Time: It has been ten years. Please help me.

Pumpkins: a wizard’s best friend.

Karsus

As with most of these games the description makes the jokes for me. So I am just going to quote the description and wait for the inevitable laughter from our readers. Also, because I am lazy. This is actually the game’s description: “Karsus Is an arcade adventure game. Story:Karsus find a magic book on his exposition.When he return at home,a storm strike with full force and drop his book in a cave.Jelp him to found the magic book.” Wow. Just wow.

Garbage Factor: “Jelp”/3
Age of Developer: “Karsus find a magic book…”
Development Time: “When he return at home, a storm strike…”

Gotta crap ’em all! Indiemon!

Indiemon Battleground

Okay, so first off: this game is NOT a ripoff of Pokemon. Forget that it involves the player collecting, training, and battling monsters against opponents. Forget that pretty much all of the monster’s art looks exactly like a thirteen-year-old drew his favorite Pokemon in his school notebook. Forget that there are also 150 monsters to collect just like the first Pokemon game. Wait. Wait a second. This is exactly like Pokemon! What the heck is going on here?! Does Nintendo know about this? Probably not, because this is a crappy Xbox Live Indie Arcade game that nobody will ever play in the first place. However, I cannot wait until Nintendo finds out about this and has to go to court with the kid who created Indiemon Battlegrounds.

Garbage Factor: How much will Nintendo sue this kid for?/3
Age of Developer: Look at the art. 15 at the most.
Development Time: Years upon years of playing/drawing Pokemon. Like a day to program.

I don’t…. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be seeing here.

Air War

Here is a game where the player does… something? At least I am pretty sure things happen in this game. Apparently this is some sort of airplane dogfighting game where other players can join the game and fight against the player. Assuming, of course, that more than one person in the entire world will play this game. I have my doubts. It always amazes me how bad some (most) of these games look. Almost as if these “developers” do not really care about the aesthetic of the games. Oh, wait. That is exactly what is happening here. Honestly, it took me about a half hour of looking at the screenshot I posted for this game to realize that it is from the perspective of the cockpit. I think those little, yellow dots are the enemies? I have no clue.

Garbage Factor: Top Gun/3
Age of Developer: 15 and this is the first game he has ever programmed.
Development Time: Like a month. It looks crappy, but not crappy enough that the developer did not at least try a little.

No! Don’t shoot cranberry juice at me!

Real Evil

Nothing screams “evil” like a suburban house with a cluttered, modern kitchen. Not only is this game trying to steal the Resident Evil thing with the eye behind the game’s logo, but it was made by Chris Antoni. Who is Mr. Antoni, you ask? Why, he just so happened to create that Air War game I mocked just a paragraph above! I sure hope he reads this article and reevaluates his life and his choices. In this game one plays as a video game character who has escaped the game world along with all the enemies in the game and entered the real world. What game did they escape, you ask? Who cares! It looks like some crappy version of Tron! The one good thing is how sassy the skeleton looks on the game over screen. Like, he is giving the player a li’l attitude when the player dies. I like it. Sassy Skeletons.

Garbage Factor: Sassy Skeletons/3
Age of Developer: Chris Antoni HAS to be like 15 or 16.
Development Time: Probably in the same month he developed the previous game.

I bet this game is impossible without being able to count above three.

Pillar

The saddest part about these articles is that some of these games could actually be decent if they were made with studios that had a budget, and this is one of them. However, this game still looks like garbage. This is a puzzle game which involves the player controlling multiple characters to solve puzzles while on a quest to find some artifact with all the knowledge of the universe in it. The only problem is that most of the “puzzles” look like they involve just having a character press a button in the correct, numbered sequence. Basically The Count from Sesame Street would make this his Game of the Year. Even the game’s description states that all the puzzles are minigames, so I doubt there is much of a story or narrative at all. Which is not surprising since this is the XBox Live Indie Games Marketplace and everything is garbage. Oh, and this game was NOT made by Chris Antoni, so do not worry. Only two of the Antoni masterpieces exist… so far…

Garbage Factor: 1,2… wait what comes next? Oh that’s right it’s/3
Age of Developer: 22. Only some newly graduated college kid would make something like this.
Development Time: 1… 2… 3… 4… months!

Oh no! The zombies are attacking that cool car!

Zombie Hunter IV

Finally. Finally the epic Zombie Hunter franchise ends and all its many fans are treated with an ending to its intense story. A story of love, violence, sex, and betrayal. Oh, and garbage. I almost forgot about garbage. One of the amazing things about this game is that there are apparently three other games that came previously. The first ones were so popular the developer decided to make three more. Three more piles of crap to throw on the ever-growing pile of crap known as XBox Live Indie Games. Apparently in this reality EVERY zombie in the world is originating out of a few buildings in a certain city. Last I checked that is not how zombies work. Zombies do not reproduce like a normal human, but what do I know? I am just a lowly writer being forced to research these games or else Lusipurr kills a puppy. Poor puppy. Oh, and I also hate this whole zombie fad with a passion. Zombies, like vampires, needs to go away.

Garbage Factor: Dawn of the Crap/3
Age of Developer: The obsession with zombies breaks the walls of generations, so it could be any age.
Development Time: Who cares? Seriously. Who cares?

Apparently Billy’s ‘job’ is to float around while some overweight guy in a sweatsuit stares at him.

Billy’s Job

Ever wanted to play a game pushing push objects on a conveyor belt? Want to play a game that is basically just somebody’s every-day job? I sure as heck do not! I have no clue why the developer of this actually made the game, but I have a feeling it is because he or she is legally insane. Especially since Billy’s head is so huge. Seriously, look at that thing. It could be seen from outer space if Billy was under water. What makes matters worse is that Billy’s head is being threatened by some bald man with a tiny head. Is he angry at Billy because he has a tiny head? Is he angry at Billy because he is bald? Is he angry at Billy because he has to wear a garish bright green shirt? Maybe he is actually Billy and his job is to attack Billy. The world may never know the answers to these questions, as I am never going to play this game.

Garbage Factor: One Giant Head for Mankind/3
Age of Developer: For a head that giant? Like 12. Max.
Development Time: Probably like two hours to program the game and a year to make sure Billy’s head physics are realistic.

And then a number 3 jumps out!

Really Scary

I think the best part of this game is that the house is supposedly haunted, but it looks like the house was built like two years ago. As we all know that is NOT enough time for a proper ghost to haunt a house. These things take time. There are forms and regulations poltergeists have to go through. At least, that is what Beetlejuice taught me. Speaking of which, anyone else excited for the sequel that was recently announced? I know the first one is one of my favorite movies, and it looks like a majority of the cast and creators are coming back for the sequel. Oh, whoops. I am supposed to be talking about this craptastic game. Who cares. It is garbage and so is the rest of XBox Live Indie Games.

Garbage Factor: Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice/3
Age of Developer: Lives at home. Still owns teddy bears. 15.
Development Time: An hour to take the pictures, 30 minutes to awkwardly explain what he is doing to mom and dad, and five minutes to write the spooky, scary story. BOO!!!!

How about ‘Delete this crappy game’ instead?

Prank Call 2

In this game the player is supposed to get the other players to say a word? Even the game’s description is vague about how the player actually achieves this goal. I cannot tell if the people the player is trying to “prank” know they are playing, or if they are just random Xbox Live users the player is matched up with. I do not even know how trying to trick someone into saying a random word is a “prank.” Nobody even mentions Prince Albert or his can! Kids these days need to learn how to properly prank someone. Actually, instead learn how to make a decent game for me to review. At least then I will have some glimmer of hope in my sad, dark world.

Garbage Factor:Crank Yankers/3
Age of Developer:Probably 15. Trust me. 15-year-olds are the WORST at prank calling.
Development Time:Probably like a week to think of the HILARIOUS words to “prank” someone with.

So… many… boners…

Mount Your Friends

Haha, see it is funny because there are naked guys wrestling and they have boners! Hahahaha so funny! Guys! Guys! Did you see all the boners! Can you even believe we fit so many boners into this game! This game could be call Boner Your Boner, am I right? Guys! Did you hear my “boner” joke! I said, “This game should be calling Boner Your Boner!” Haha I am so funny. Boners. Seriously, I do not even know what one would do in this game. I just cannot get past all the boners.

Garbage Factor:Boner/3
Age of Developer:Boner years old.
Development Time:How long does a boner last? Five hours? That is what the pill says, right?

I fell like I have seen this before somewhere….

CastleMiner Z

Hmmm. This looks really familiar. I just cannot place where I have seen this game before. It is almost as if someone took Minecraft and combined it with Call of Duty. Oh, wait. That is EXACTLY what these people did. The whole time I was playing Minecraft I wished that I had guns and the whole time I played Call of Duty I wished that I was building things and exploring caves, so this is perfect for me! Me and anyone who has gone through botched brain surgery! The fact that the “developers” added the Xbox Live avatars makes it even better, because they totally do not match up with the art style at all and do not look out of place whatsoever. This game is NOT dumb as heck at all! Can you sense all the sarcasm in these statements?

The classic battle strategy of standing five feet in front of your enemy and kind of aiming at them.

Assualt Ops: Warzone

One of the worst things about the Xbox Live Indie Games is that since they are only one US dollar people will buy them and figure it is no big deal if the game is crap or not. That makes the “developers” of these games think the games are really popular and their “fans” want a sequel. That is exactly the case with Assault Ops: Warzone. This iteration of the insanely popular Assault Ops franchise adds online multiplayer (so you can find like the two other people in the worst who were dumb enough to buy this game), a NEW urban environment (most likely completely stolen from Call of Duty or Battlefield), and… wait for it…. HEADSHOTS! The fact that the original game did not have headshots should prove that this, and every game on the Indie Games marketplace, are horrible.

Garbage Factor: Headshots/3
Age of Developer: Probably some dumb college kid who made this for his dumb college friends.
Development Time: I do not even care.

More like Ghouls N Boobs, amirite?

Ghouls N Gals

This. This is why I write these articles. The fact that the “developer” of this game thinks anyone would want to play this is ridiculous. Actually, there probably is an audience for this out there, but they are just as ridiculous as this game. No joke: I actually got physically angry when I saw the screenshot of the girl with the blood on her glasses and her tongue hanging out trying to be “sexy.” Also the fact that the “developer” has the hubris to name this “Chapter 1” is also ridiculous. There is no way this game has enough of a story to carry over to multiple chapters. Even if it does: nobody cares, dude! I hate everything.

Garbage Factor: DD/3
Age of Developer: Anime, blood, and boobs. So, probably like 15.
Development Time: Like all anime probably 1 hour to code the actual game and countless hours drawing the boobs.

Hmm, let me just throw a bunch of random crap in the level and then call it a day.

Mechanician Alex 2

This game is so terrible looking I do not even have to write anything about it. In fact, the description makes fun of itself for me. “Mechanician Alex 2 is an arcade platform game. Story: When Alex has finished repairing his car,a terrible monster dropped a bomb on his house.Help Alex to defeat the monster by travelling different levels ..Take key to open doors,active lever to open gate….” None of that was edited by me. These “developers” need to spend less time on their crappy game and more time in English class. I really hope Lusipurr cringed multiple times while reading that.

Garbage Factor: Retro is cool/3
Age of Developer: Probably like 40.
Development Time: Not sure about development time, but I do know the “developer” spent no time correcting his or her grammar!

Pending lawsuit aside, this is actually a pretty decent recreation of the GameBoy.

RetroBoy V1

Well, this is a first for me. We have seen Minecraft, Tererria, and Call of Duty clones, but never a GameBoy clone. I fully expect this game to be taken down soon and the above link to redirect to a 404 page. Not only is this a clone of a game system, it also includes clones of games that have been cloned a million times before. Snake, Tennis and Break have all been recreated to death by every game developer to ever exist. Oh, and we also get a Flappy Bird clone, because who does not want a clone of a game that came out two years ago that caused the developer to pull it off the Apple and Google stores? I sure am glad to see this is only version one though. That means we will see more in the future! Hooray!

Garbage Factor: 3/3
Age of Developer: Since the original GameBoy is fairly old at this point, I would say 35. Which is sad.
Development Time: Like an hour. At best.

Time to explore this Minecraft cave and save some hot anime babe!

Uncraft’Em All

It would not be a “Round-up” article without a Minecraft clone, would it? Not only that, but it also adds one of my other favorite things: hot anime babes! So, I guess in this game one plays as “Alex the Jetpack Guy” and explores Minecraft caves to save some anime ladies. Basically this game is a 12-year-old’s wet dream. I have a feeling that this game started just with this guy and his jetpack exploring caves and the developer got some boner while watching anime, so he decided to add the hot anime babes. Wait. I hate Minecraft clones AND I hate anime. Was this game made to torture me with? Is this how I will die?

Garbage Factor: A billion/3
Age of Developer: Since it includes both Minecraft and anime, I am going to assume like 14, but it is probably more like 25. Frickin’ weeaboos.
Development Time: 15 hours. Five hours to develop the actual game and 10 hours for fapping breaks.

NO, MOM! THIS IS A SERIOUS PUZZLE GAME!

PUZZLED !!!

This is it. This is why I began writing these articles in the first place. This game was basically made for teenage boys to get a boner from, but justifying it by saying it is a real game. Even the developer pretty much admits that they did not even try while making this game. The game’s description says in this game the player is a “photographer” who takes pictures of a “sassy shopgirl” for “charity.” Yes, I know HUNDREDS of charities just itching for pictures of some busty girl in various skimpy outfits. Actually, this is basically the game version of Terry Richardson’s life. LusiPervs know him, right? The scumbag-looking photographer who takes nudes of all those celebrities and then claims they are “art.” This game basically has some CG-created girl in skimpy outfits and then adds some crappy puzzle elements to make it into a “game.”

Garbage Factor: I do not think numbers go high enough/10
Age of Developer: Again, this is basically made for 12-year-olds, so the developer is probably like 20.
Development Time: Like an hour to steal the puzzle mechanics and then probably a month to render the girl’s boobs.

It’s Christmas in Oz!

Download: Produced 2014.12.07

With the rest of the other staff members locked in the basement to sleep off an Episode 300 hangover, Lusipurr and Mel record a podcast. But then, Jack Thompson arrives with his Australian Lady Army, pulling Lusipurr from shelves across the land. Horror!

Not even the oracular banana bunch can provide this much consumer information!

Download: Produced 2014.10.12

Heeding a request for consumer advice, Lusipurr provides an in-depth analysis of the Nintendo Wii U, SiliconNooB highlights Ubisoft’s policy of prevarication, and Bup talks about his favourite Indie game.

The Furious Fists of Furious Fury!

There is beauty in simplicity. Of course, there is room for flourish and embellishment, however with the AAA publishers tripping over themselves and spending an absurd amount of capital to out shine, out bloom, and out render each other to show they can make pretty games with all the color schemes of gun metal grey and dog turd brown, it is possible to go too far.

One Finger Death Punch is a product that Silver Dollar Games created in the space of a game jam, which often last for as long as 48 hours. Considering that the control scheme of the game consists of the left and right mouse buttons, and only the left and right mouse buttons, it is not that hard to believe that the game was able to make it from concept to reality in so short a time. Yet, the simplicity of One Finger Death Punch’s design allows for greater complexity, without miring the player in seemingly pointless fluff that many more games suffer from these days.

Unarmed in the fact that his arms cannot be seen!

There is no story to speak of. And that is a good thing. After all, how much can one say with stick figures beating the life out of each other unless it is a webcomic with only a few panels and poignant statements told with as few words as possible? Not a lot. However, an attempt at story would not be possible for a game so small, and it would almost be entirely outside of the point. So, the game has no story and we need not worry about it at all.

As previously stated, One Finger Death Punch has only the two mouse buttons for its combat. The left button attacks incoming enemies on the left and the right button attacks incoming enemies on the right. The player cannot move the stick figure character on their own and only moves when there is something within the attack range of the player. It does seem simple on the surface; enemies charge and the player attacks with a mouse click. This enables the developers to develop depth with this simple control scheme as a stable foundation.

Punched through the heart, but who is to blame?

The enemies, also shaped like stick figures with minor aesthetic differences between them, rely on numbers and, naturally, stronger versions of enemies to overwhelm the player. Underneath each enemy, there is a number which tells how many hits it will require to defeat the enemy. Later in the game, the player will encounter the first of other types of harder enemies, called brawlers, to dispatch. These enemies require anywhere between five and fifteen different key commands to overcome. Thankfully, should the player already be fighting multiple enemies, the rest of the mob will back off and allow the dramatic duel to continue. The middle ground between the one hit mooks and the brawlers are enemies with much more distinct colors that can take hits from one side or another. Attention will be required with these, as they can switch sides after the player’s attack to continue the combo and there is no reprieve from the other oncoming attackers. Strategy must be employed if the player is to survive.

There are also one on one boss fight stages that pit the player against an enemy that drives home the idea that spamming one of the two mouse buttons will, without fail, lead to defeat. Beside the boss stages, there are multi-section stages, endurance, performance, and a variety of weapon stages. Weapons are also prevalent in many stages, ranging from staff weapons, daggers, bows, nunchaku, balls, and swords. They all have limited use and can easily turn the tide against a seemingly hopeless situation. For example, the Death Ball can be flung against an enemy and struck again to strike another, regardless of what kind of enemy it is, which can help clear the brawlers and multi-hit enemies that will inevitably swarm in the higher difficulties.

Excalibur? Probably not.

Speaking of difficulty, the better the player does, the faster the enemies can gain charge. Do poorly and the speed goes down to something more manageable until the player can achieve a better medal. It gives a wonderfully simple desire to achieve the high score on the leaderboard. In fact, one could say this is the kind of game that could have been in the arcades of decades past. It would have fit in perfectly.

Despite the many, many good things about this game, the one glaring fault is that once the game starts to speed up, it can be very difficult to keep track of the direction the player has to attack in order to survive and not miss as missing can break the streak and make the player vulnerable. Another slight problem is the soundtrack. There seems to be only a small number of songs and it will not take long to hear the same song over and over and over.

Death Death Revolution!

That being said, One Finger Death Punch is worth the time and money. Given that it is only five dollars, it is highly encouraged to purchase the game directly from the developer. It is a simple and beautiful game that goes to the core of what makes a game entertaining with the fewest possible controls.

So, it is highly recommended that once this article has been read, everyone who reads this should go and purchase it directly from the developers. Silver Dollar Games. Really. Go buy it. Support smaller devs. Save the industry. NOW!

Botanicula is now available on iPad with enhanced graphics.

In my article on the Develop conference a few weeks ago I asked if there was any indie developers that our community would like to hear more about. Well, our own Lusipurr was more than happy to provide a list of companies that he thought highly of. Today I will be looking at the companies on that list to see what they are up to right now. The easiest way to do this is the break it up into two parts; those who have recently brought a product to market, and those who are working on new titles.

Recent releases

In the last couple of months Amanita Design, Drinkbox Studios, FrozenByte, Housemarque, and Q-Games have all release a product of some description. Amanita Design brought Botanicula to the iPad after two years of development. The game now has higher resolution graphics to make full use of the Retina display. They are also teased Samorost 3 last year, but no new details have come forth about the project yet. Drinkbox Studios brought an enhanced version of Guacamelee! to all major consoles this month. Guacamelee!: Super Turbo Championship Edition adds additional levels and bosses, as well as all the available DLC for the original in a single package. Also, this is the first time Xbox owners can get their hands on the game.

FrozenByte released Trine Enchanted Edition last week. The new version is available as a free update for owners of the PC version and includes mid-level saving and an online multiplayer option. Fans of the original can choose to ignore the update though, as they can select which version of the game they wish to play through the games launcher. Housemarque is continuing to work on Resogun, having released both free updates and paid expansions to the PSN store. More expansions are planned, and a season pass is available for people who wish to pick them all up. Finally, Q-Games have brought two more games in the PixelJunk family to market, Shooter Ultimate for PlayStation 4 and Vita with cross buy, cross play, and cross save. Nom Nom Galaxy also released on steam Early Access in March.

The Witness is due for release later this year.

In Development

Both Giant Sparrow and Thatgamecompany are working on as-yet-untitled games. Giant Sparrow say theirs is not a sequel to The Unfinished Swan, but it is not a million miles away either. Thatgamecompany recently raised $7million in funding for their new title, allowing them to scale up their development efforts, as well as lay the infrastructure to self-publish, market, and distribute future titles.

Jonathan Blow continues to work on The Witness. Originally announced five years ago for the last console generation, he instead moved the game to the current generation believing the last could not perform the way he needed them to. He later announced that the game would be a timed console exclusive for the PlayStation 4. The game is due for release this year, but has not been narrowed down any further yet. Mike Bithell has been working on Volume in the year since it was announced. Like Thomas was Alone, Danny Wallace returns to perform a voice for this game.

Kitfox Games are already working on their next title, Moon Hunters. PlayDead announced the title of their second project at E3 this year. Inside is platforming game due for release as a timed exclusive on the Xbox One next year, with other platforms receiving their versions later on. While the game is in color, the title remains dark and nearly monotone in colour. PocketWatch Games are developing Armada as a RTS that can be comfortably played with a controller. This is not the final name of the game, so expect an announcement on that fairly soon as the company have also picked up the URL to go with it. For now though, they are busy moving into a new office. Polytron have no new game of their own, but have partnered with Finji to produce and promote Panoramical, described as an anthology of interactive musical landscapes. Lastly, Yacht Club Games are working on international versions of Shovel Knight as the Wii-U and 3DS versions are currently only available in North America.

Shovel Knight will be available outside of North America soon.

It is not unusual for smaller indie developer to go silent about their developments, and that is what has happened with Queasy Games. While developer Jonathan Mak is still active on Twitter, there have been no announcements of future projects since his company released Sound Shapes as a launch title for the PlayStation 4 last year. I have reached out to Jonathan for more information and I will post anything I hear back from him in the comments below.

A few larger studios were also mention in the comments, so I will list a brief summary of each. NIS America have three games set to release this year, Danganronpa 2, NAtURAL DOCtRINE, and Fairy Fencer F. All three will be available in September. A fourth game, CRIMINAL GIRLS: Invite Only, is due for release in Spring next year. Atlus has too many upcoming game to mention here, but they are bringing a number of Persona titles to the west soon, as well as some smaller titles. Gaijinworks and MonkeyPaw Games are currently working on bringing Class of Heroes 2G to the west. The presale for the title ended at the weekend, and it should not be long before the game is available to buy digitally.

So, that is the round up of news from the more popular indie studios here at Lusipurr.com. Are there any other studios you would like to hear from in a future update? Are there any upcoming indie games you would like to know more about? Let me know in the comments!

One of the pictures Nintendo will not talk about.

Long ago, in the ancient days of the Colecovision, the Nintendo Entertainment System, the Sega Master system, and more, there was always one aspect of gaming that was always a certainty: the game itself would always come in a solid form. The humble cartridge which was the reliable standby, and still is in some cases, made gaming a bit more tangible for the gamer when they were able to take the game with them and use it in another system.

Owning a cartridge always gave a sense of ownership over the content that was purchased. Or at the very least, a copy of it. That way, the only thing barring a player from being able to use the product was a power outage. While it eventually became expensive for the larger publishers and studios during the Nintendo 64 era, there was a sound logic behind Nintendo’s determined, or bull-headed, others would say, decision to stick with cartridges. Compact Disc technology, when used for the gaming medium, was still a relatively new thing as Sony’s Playstation was able to produce larger games, but the truly good ones that utilized the technology was few and far in between. They were often worth the wait, such as Final Fantasy IX and Xenogears, which defined RPGs for the generation.

It was not until the next generation did the cartridge start to show its age and eventually, with the Nintendo Gamecube, did the publisher jump on board with its own disc based games. However, games still retained the sense of ownership when it was purchased. This was also helpful in creating a second hand market that allowed more players to play these otherwise expensive games at a lower cost. It would also be a source of consternation of larger publishers in the future, but that is neither here nor there and is best elaborated in another article written by one of the site’s other talented writers.

How do cartridge?

This changed during the latter half of the aforementioned generation when Valve Software released the first iteration of their digital distribution platform: Steam. Being a PC only application, it narrowed the possible avenues players would have if they wanted to play the hotly anticipated Half-Life 2. The first public iteration of the platform was less than ideal. In some cases, less than functional. Constant crashes, incompatibilities, and bugs of all shapes and sizes plagued the first versions available to the public. In addition, the first rumblings about Digital Rights Management came to the forefront when players, able to download the games at will, still began to feel as though they never owned the games at all, but simply rented them with the license they have paid for.

Despite the initial drawbacks, it was only a few years after Steam’s release when it entered into profitability. As time passed, more and more publishers and developers sent their games onto the platform due to ease of access, cheaper prices for consumers, and how simple the interface was. This eventually became a means for more independent developers to showcase their wares to a market that would never had the chance to share what they had in the first place.

Gaben: The Patron Saint of Video Games.

On the other hand, it gives as a somewhat unsettling reminder that the games that players have access to is dependent upon the consumer’s ability to access the servers that the games reside on. In some cases, larger games can and will eat up the bandwidth of a consumer’s household, and since not all Internet Service Providers are created equal, some will find their allotted download amount eaten up at a far greater pace than they would have liked.

While Valve has made assurances that the customers who have purchased their games will still have access to the items they have purchased, should Steam ever go under, it still leaves a somewhat foreboding picture. Currently, the debate in the United States senate still rages on as law makers are arguing about the state of a free internet and the internet that the larger ISPs, such as Comcast, would prefer to have that would come at the cost of now defunct Net Neutrality.

As a side note; with the advent of other digital distribution platforms that have tried, and failed, to copy Steam’s success, and attempts by larger publishers to curb used game sales, games with online only components have been part of this disturbing trend. Especially in games that were notably single player in the first place, in both benign and malicious forms. Mass Effect 3, Dead Space 3, Simcity, Diablo 3, Dragon Age: Origins, Starcraft 2, Batman: Arkham Asylum and Arkham City, and the first version of the Xbone are all various examples of required internet connections to play.

A screen that everyone can enjoy!

The first problem hit some consumers worst, as the aforementioned restrictions placed upon them by the ISPs would make it difficult as some would find their internet cutting out at the most inopportune of times. This was compounded by Adam Orth placing his foot within his mouth and enjoying a delicious shoe sandwich when he made comments about why he would want to live in a podunk where internet connections are spotty at best.

The second problem comes in the form of the servers that the publishers and developers own. They are not always going to be up. Want to play Lord of the Rings: Battle for Middle Earth 2? Too bad. They took down the servers back in 2010. Never mind the fact that they still had players. To be fair, the license EA had with the rights owners of the Lord of the Rings franchise had expired and they had no choice. However, for EA not to see this occurring shows an incredible lack of foresight on their part. At the very least, there could have been an alternative means for customers to continue playing the game after the servers go down so as to give means for people who did not have a chance to play it in the first place.

While gaming can exist as it does presently, with lots of digital distribution for games that cannot afford the means to be sold in brick and mortar stores, it does not leave much chance for proper archival for future access. Most of the games that have appeared because of digital distribution can be easily left behind and forgotten. It would not do to allow games such as Braid, Bastion, Super Meat Boy, Cave Story, Terraria, and Minecraft to be so casually left behind when they were instrumental for games that are coming out now and possibly in the future.

The question is; how?

While there are servers out there that can host games like the aforementioned for a long time, being able to do so in perpetuity would be much more difficult due to the costs.

So, readers; what would you do?

Dollar Dollar Bills

The words ‘Reality’ and ‘TV’ when used in conjunction with one another, produces the very drugs that poisons the mind and renders the viewer less intelligent than before. Naturally, the pervading train of thought of television producers, directors, and the like, aware that video games are stealing mindshare in droves, have to adapt if they wish to stay relevant. Naturally, television as of late, bereft of soul, conscience, and virtue, seeks other victims to sink their fangs into, like an insatiable vampire, and gamers are, naturally, a worthy and easy target, as video games have matched, and in some ways surpassed, the movie and television industry.

This was met with some initial problems. They could not do much with people playing games, as Twitch.tv already had that market cornered. They could not attempt to do journalism on games, as there are already many channels and avenues on the internet a savvy gamer could turn to in order to acquire news, opinion, and the like.

Finally, they discovered upon a solution. The development process. Show the public how their favorite games were made. It would certainly turn a few heads to get into the creative thinking that creates the entertainment that enthralls millions of gamers on a daily a daily basis. Yet, the chances of getting into those divisions at Nintendo, Microsoft, Sony, and the major publishers was never going to happen, as they tend to be rather clandestine and rightfully so.

Yet, the cynical tv producer found a much more satisfying target. The Independent scene. Most likely ignorant of their individual stories, the men in suits at the unnamed television outlet probably only saw them as an easily usable and replaceable resource, as the ones in charge of the project probably had a distant relative that played games that played into the various stereotypes that these men believed they were.

And so, GAME_JAM, with the money of Pepsi Co. to sponsor the event, was born. It would show how, from the indie perspective, how the games that can, in some cases, take on and surpass the AAA budgets of major publishers with naught but grit, dreams, and determination to create a quality product.

In truth, that is one would cynically think this came to be, but it was not. It was, in reality, the brain child of Josh Mattingly and David DeCarmine. The former an Indie Statik writer and the latter the founder of gamer drink Game Jolt.

It was a wonderful idea. Show the youtube audience what it was like for indie developers to work and do something they loved, both the good and the bad. Give those with many ideas and hopes and dreams a taste of what it looks like and, perhaps, some guidance for those who may be unaware of the pitfalls and the difficulties they would inevitably face. Yet, overall, it was supposed to be a look into the work and passion of independent game developers.

It was supposed to be.

However, when the idea had been picked up by two producers of the Polaris network; Aaron Umetani and Jason Serrato, word of it eventually got the attention of major sponsors and placed in the hands of the Maker studios. Most notable of the sponsors, the aforementioned Pepsi Co. Before they could stop it, the GAME_JAM had become less of a documentary look into the workings of indie game development and became more akin to a game show, with four teams, comprised of actual developers and youtube personalities. Eventually, prizes and cash money were involved, the development process was set aside, and then the most important part of any game show involving personalities was needed.

Drama.

The sting is in the drama.

It was not long before the four teams were given scripts on how to behave for the camera, when they were under the initial impression that that the GAME_JAM was meant more as an elaboration of game development. When more and more details of what happened emerged, the indie developers attempted to stick it out, aware that this was the way of things and how the business went.

It was also a display at how little the legal departments of the sponsors understood game development at all, as the contracts were notoriously stringent, even for contracts for something as small as the game jam was supposed to be initially. It also gave them provisions to make things up about the developers for the sake of drama, which, understandably, did not go over well with the people involved.

Thankfully, the developers were able to obtain a bit more leeway in their contracts and it seemed that the game jam could continue as hoped.

Yet, like an M. Knight Shamaylyan film, it could only go downhill from there. At high speed. With a spiked boulder immediately behind.

What the developers found was a color coded set, complete with ubiquitous Mountain Dew bottles and cans everywhere for the mandatory consumption of the developers and internet celebrities of not small repute in attendance.

It almost seemed like a complete opposite of what indie development was supposed to be. It is supposed to be small, intimate, thoughtful, and personal between the people that work there. That way, those involved understand each other, for better or worse, and which enables them to proceed at a, hopefully, smoother pace during development. It creates camaraderie. This, the developers would go on to say, did not at all.

Producers, consultants, and more people, who had no idea what indie game development was about, attempted to force a square peg into a round hole. The developers were ordered to behave in certain ways when it game to the products they sponsored, the deafening tone of the set drowned out any hope of communication, and even if the developers wanted to drink water, since coffee was banned, they had to drink out of an empty Mountain Dew bottle filled with water instead.

And then, like a spark in a trail of blast powder, leading to an overflowing keg of TNT, Matti Lesham appeared.

While he alone was not the reason the GAME_JAM came to a screeching halt, but he was the metaphorical straw that broke the camel’s back. The legal departments of Maker, the developers could handle, and before Lesham came along, they were getting into the swing of things, albeit begrudgingly.

But apparently, this was not good enough for the middle man Pepsi had hired. He then forced demands of the developers that seem odd and out of place. Nerves were frayed, tensions ran high, and when JonTron and Zoe Quinn (internet personality and developer of Depression Quest respectively) attempted to take their differences out of sight of the rest of the teams so they could iron it out, Lesham made the cameras film it.

The inferno reached a peak when Lesham attempted to get a rise out of Zoe Quinn by asking blatantly sexist questions about her and other women’s involvement in game development. It is believed that Lesham was aware of the pointless harassment and death threats she received for making Depression Quest in the first place, but ignored the fact that the human mind can only take so much. Needless to say, she, and her male contemporaries, were not amused.

It was then they solidified against Lesham, despite his half-hearted and weasel like attempts to deflect blame off of himself, and all the developers involved revolted, left the set, and as a result, the GAME_JAM died a painful death. Attempts to get the show back on track was impossible. Matti was fired, but the damage was already done.

In a strange bit of irony, Matti Lesham whose background is in TV, which has the inevitable connection to reality TV, attempted to create division and contention between the developers for the sake of cheap drama, only seemed to galvanize the developers against him.

It also leads to the conclusion that perhaps indie development is better left as it is; private, personal, and passionate. That is how games like Braid, Depression Quest, Don’t Starve, Papers Please, and the Stanley Parable are made, no?

For further reading; see Adriel Wallick’s, Robin Arnott’s, and Zoe Quinn’s observations of the event. Bear in mind, Zoe Quinn is still under contract and so, there is only so much she can say.

Better music from a better time.

Download: Produced 2014.04.13

After the power returns, Lusipurr and SiliconNooB, fed up with the continuous, appalling appreciation of Kurt Cobains, set about educating listeners on the meaningless and juvenile message which lies behind the dirty and unkempt superficiality of Nirvana.

Phil “Gamers are the Worst Fucking People” Fish

Microsoft’s second 180 has brought a casualty to industry, one Phil Fish. After news leaked about Microsoft potentially allowing indie developers to self-publish on the Xbone, Phil Fish and other indie devs were contacted regarding their opinion on said rumor. Phil Fish and Jon Blow, two of the more recognizable names of indie developers declined to comment. The silence sparked an overwhelming amount of anger from the internet personality Marcus “Annoyed Gamer” Beer. The rant that ensued from Marcus over this silence including him calling both indie devs a number of unkind names, leading to Phil telling Marcus that he should kill himself. Phil continued the war of tweets between him and several people and eventually led to Phil rashly canceling the month-old sequel to Fez and leaving video games forever.

To say that Marcus’ rant was unwarranted is a huge understatement. Asking developers for comments on rumors is normally an exercise in futility, but becoming enraged because they decline to comment on said rumors screams mental retardation. The mental handicaps of Marcus Beer aside, this latest incident has once again highlighted the huge resource disadvantage that indie developers face. The same resource deficiency that has rewarded gamers with gems like Fez, Braid, and Super Meat Boy also means that their creators do not have massive PR teams standing ready to help combat even the nastiest internet trolls. The lack of a comprehensive PR department has led to more than a few public outbursts of the heads of these development companies. Two weeks ago saw Tim Schafer make an ass out of himself in a Twitter argument with a Kickstarter backer. While Tim’s bitch fit did not reach Phil’s levels, he did turn many heads when he acted less like the head of a studio and more like a five-year-old boy.

Braid represents the pinnacle of indie games.

While some indie devs truly need a PR department to protect themselves from saying colossally stupid things, others have functioned just fine without one. Team Meat were able to be brutally honest in interviews after the release of Super Meat Boy. Because they did not have a group of stiffs telling them what to say, Team Meat sounded off on Microsoft and their felling that Microsoft lied to them about how their game would be advertised. Team Meat eventually went on to utilize a loophole in Microsoft’s DLC policy that allowed owners of Super Meat Boy to receive free DLC, and even went as far as detailing exactly how they were exploiting said loophole. Gamers have been force fed carefully crafted statements for years, but the brutal honesty from indie developers is a nice change.

Phil Fish has long been known to be a douche bag. Until I viewed Indie Game:The Movie, I had no clue who he was, but within minutes of learning of his existence I also knew he was thin-skinned hipster. His arrogance was palpable in a way that would make even Jonathan Blow take a step back. While Fez is lauded by many to be a masterpiece, I am not sad in the least to know there will not be a sequel. As palpable as Fish’s arrogance is, his disdain for the very community that supports his art is overwhelming. With little money to spend on advertising, indie developers must depend on their fans recommending their titles to friends. It would be hard for me to recommend a game that was made by a guy who declared that “Gamers are the worst fucking people”. Phil felt that gamers needed him and his games, not the other way around. Knowing his feelings towards gamers, I would not be surprised if he had no intention to finish the sequel to Fez in the first place. This recent, childish, temper tantrum gave Fish an excused to cancel the project while placing the blame on gamers. Announcing that he is walking away from the industry is just a ploy to get people to beg him to come back, the same thing a child seeks when he walks away from his parents as they yell for him to return. Cliffy B, the O.G.D.B., has already begged for Fish to return, but Fish will not return until he feels that gamers have learned the lesson he has attempted to teach.

Indie developers have been behind some of the best games released this generation. Every indie game that is released is a testament to the years of struggling the studio behind the game went through. After so much struggling, it is natural for the creators to be combative to criticism of their product. Some people are able to brush the criticism off with ease, understanding that it is impossible to please everybody. These are the people that continue to develop new titles, not to prove to the world that they are a creative genius, but because they truly love making games. Phil Fish is the opposite, and although many people enjoyed Fez, he should not be missed from the industry. After all, how much of a creative genius can he be if his big idea for a follow up was just a sequel to Fez?

“Excuse me, Mr. Blow, could you look a bit more…uhm…warm?”

Meets and greets, Lusipurrdy-people!

This week’s journey into the surface realms of my subconscious will take us past the deep recesses which hold all of my fearful secrets. Please keep all hands inside the cart, and do not arise until we have come to a complete stop. Stay away from the door marked with a knitting needle. What?! We all have our little kinks. We will be continuing onward to the door marked with a tibia, to a place that I like to keep a secret. See, as an optimist I tend to try to avoid conflicts (hahaha right?) that force me to call out people. Especially people I am not familiar with, because for all I know they could be a very nice person in private. Pol Pot may have enjoyed Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood or sang to birds, for example. But I will still reveal this room because I have a serious bone to pick with someone.

That person is Jonathon Blow.

Look, Mr. Blow gets a bit of flak for certain things he has no control over, I will admit. It is not like he wrote the gushing Atlantic article that called him “the video-game industry’s most cerebral developer” or the CBS news brief that called him “probably the most famous video game developer in the world.” We all have only a little control over our public persona sometimes, especially those of us who are fortunate enough to become newsworthy. Calling someone pretentious just because they are portrayed in a pretentious manner by other people strikes me as a bit intellectually dishonest, and truly mean-spirited in the fullest sense of the term. Perhaps that is why I held on to these feelings for so long.

Behold a gaming auteur.

But here is my issue. Blow, either unconsciously or intentionally, has done little to diminish that image in the minds of his interviewers or the public, implying (extremely loosely) that he tacitly agrees with its assessment. It does not help that his image as “the most dangerous gamer” is predicated on his outspoken criticisms of things like skinner-box style psychological tricks in games. Or the lack of intellectual heft behind mainstream games. Or the fear of innovation in game design. Criticisms that, quite frankly, strike me as commonplace and rather banal when one thinks about it.

See, Blow is not the only person making these criticisms, and by themselves the criticisms have large merit. He is, however, the only one making these criticisms while simultaneously clouding himself in a shroud of intentional blindness. Ken Levine has often talked about making games that refuse to talk down to players (similar to Blow’s wish to see games made for those with long attention spans), but Levine does not make a point of highlighting his dismissive refusal to play modern games in interviews. This dismissal does Blow a disservice by denying him the tools he needs to create constructive criticisms.

This refusal to play would be one thing if Blow had at least some pedigree behind his name. But here again he falls a bit short. To wit he has released only a single game, a raucously successful game that only the most biased of haters would call less than interesting, but still a single game. And even THAT game was hardly the groundbreaking thought piece the media (and to an implied degree, Blow) made it out to be. To be sure, it attempted. I am not so jaded as to think Blow littered the narrative with poetic stream-of-consciousness verse just to be trendy. My problem is that he wielded those tools like a high school freshman who has discovered Tom Stoppard. The game knew smart, hip things will occasionally use that style of verse, but failed to recognize that one needs to justify its use. It was empty, pedantic, and self indulgent in the way it set itself up to appear “smart,” but one quick look behind the narrative’s curtains quickly revealed a liberal arts student performing a shadow play with sock puppets.

Jonathan Blow has even been known to enjoy the play of kittens.

That all being said, I suppose I cannot be too harsh on the man behind the game…even if he has no idea what the word “pretentious” actually means. Blow can always take my criticism and set it on fire with the money he made off of Braid as kindling. Hell, the man even used some of his money for poverty relief and to help found and fund Indie Fund, a group which helped Dear Esther and even Monaco. It is really hard to dismiss his charitableness and his willingness to put his money where his mouth is when it comes to his beliefs. Neither of those admirable traits, however, discounts him from being poorly able to recognize his comparative normality in a sea of critical designers.

So there we have it, Lusipodpeople! What about your thoughts? Does Jonathon Blow deserve the praise he receives from certain circles of gaming and the mainstream press? Did Braid tickle your brain in just the right way? Feel free to let us know in the comments!

Mexican culture is alive and well.

Download: Produced 2013.05.12

Internationally-renowned Doctor of Feminism Dr. Julian ‘SiliconBruce’ Taylor condescends to visit the podcast, sharing words of guidance and incontestible fact with Lusipurr, Blitzmage, and Gyme. Newly-enlightened, the panelists focus on Mexican culture.

The Legendary Jafar

Produced 2013.02.17

Against the backdrop of England’s first 2013 ODI against New Zealand, The Legendary Zoltan makes his inaugural appearance along with Johnny ‘Ethos’ Pipes. Also: PlayStation 4 details are revealed, and Japanese indie developers get media attention.

Simple. Addictive.

Defender’s Quest: Valley of the Forgotten is a game recommended via Twitter by the indie RPG pioneer, Robert Boyd. I indulged in the Tower Defense craze with moderation and so I was not feeling sick of the genre. Plus, the RPG hybrid nature of the beast – customizable characters that level-up instead of buildings – had me at least sold on the demo.

It took me three minutes before I paid full price for the game.

I proceeded to log around 15 hours over the next few days, happily losing myself in the strategy and mechanics of the title. Defender’s Quest does so many things right, especially as an indie game.

First, Level Up Labs appears to be well aware that as a relatively unknown studio, they have to be as user-friendly as possible. The demo is extensive and easy to get into, the game itself has helpful but concise tutorials, and the difficulty system is so well-balanced for every type of player that even major studios should take note.

In this way, despite the website – like the game – not being very aesthetically pleasing, both are never overwhelming or confusing.

The game introduces new concepts and classes at the perfect pace and the game’s website is uncluttered and full of friendly, helpful, and amusing information.

This is a prime example of the right attitude to have as a developer. Level Up Labs shows the right balance of being dedicated to their craft while appearing wholly devoted to the satisfaction of their customers.

So much (well-organized) information!

The game has all its bases covered too. While the order of maps is linear, the gameplay is anything but. Players can choose at any time to go back and play old levels to gain some pad on their levels or money, or attempt to challenge a higher difficulty for greater rewards.

Not only that, but while some new spells and characters are added at key story points, the vast majority of a player’s party composition is up to the player herself, along with the party’s abilities and appearance.

This mentality continues to the actual tower defense portions of the game. Despite there being a plethora of options, it is all well-organized and mapped to hotkeys for keyboard-centric players like me. Little convenient touches make all the difference to make the game feel very polished and user-friendly while still really deep.

Not only is it good design, but it is one-of-a-kind as far as I know. I cannot think of another tower defense game like it.

And while the visuals are not really up to snuff, the music certainly is. Defender’s Quest does faux-orchestration correctly by letting the focus be on melody and not just arrangement.

I have not fully completed the game (I keep on replaying it from the beginning instead), so this is not a review, but it is a game I recommend and am absolutely inspired by. This is an indie game done right from almost every angle.

John Rochard. He rocks hard.

The first moments of Recoil Games’ Rochard feel like stepping into a happy mixture of Cowboy Bebop Heavy Metal Queen and Firefly—and it only gets better from there. Enter John Rochard, the far from stereotypical protagonist who proudly displays a beer belly and graying moustache. He is no ex-soldier looking to relive his glory days but an asteroid miner whose day-to-day life is turned upside down and he suddenly finds himself faced with extraordinary circumstances. This puzzle platformer’s witty writing will keep players chuckling and the dynamic gameplay mechanics will keep them returning for stage after stage of intergalactic fun.

The story opens with John and his crew on the precipice of losing their jobs at the Skyrig Corporation unless they start producing. They soon discover an alien structure deep within the asteroid and find themselves fighting for their lives against pirates and betrayed by the very company that employs them. It is here that John is forced to do as he must to save not only himself and his perky partner Skyler but the universe itself from a diabolical megalomaniac. Enter into the mix a little ancient technology and treasure maps and players have themselves a game. It may not be the most ground-breaking storyline the world of 2D platformers has seen, but top-notch writing and humorous one-liners make for a charming experience. The story only falls short in the last few chapters of the game where things start to seem rushed and then players collide head-long into the brick wall of abrupt endings. Does this open-ended cliffhanger mean there might be a sequel in the future? This is a question that players will find themselves asking as they stare dumb-founded at the closing credits.

Mmm, lasers.

Rochard is not an overtly artistic game aesthetically speaking, though the graphics are crisp and colorful, players will hardly be spending hours foaming at the mouth over them. Instead, the physics-based mechanics and gravity-based gameplay will be the topic of the day. The basic formula is much the same as many of Rochard’s predecessors– players navigate through levels of enemies collecting upgrades and moving towards the final boss. Instead of focusing on combat, however, John moves through a variety of puzzles to reach his goal. John is equipped with two primary weapons in order to complete his quest: the G-Lifter and Rock Blaster. The G-Lifter shoots out a beam which is able to pick up heavy objects (and later on enemies) and move them to different locations. Players can launch boxes at enemies, move heavy obstacles, and grab fuses with this device. The Rock Blaster is John’s primary offensive weapon and is effectively a gun which can be used to destroy enemies and obstacles. Along the way John also collects a variety of explosives to complete his arsenal. Most importantly, however, John can control gravity. With a push of the button players can switch to low-gravity to aid in solving puzzles and save themselves from a brutal fall.

The developers put a lot of thought into how these gameplay mechanics interact with the puzzles that John must navigate through, and it is this that makes the game well worth the $10 price tag despite the short play time. The game forces players to make use of all of John’s abilities and weapons in order to navigate the environments. A player might come across a metal grating that can only be destroyed by a sticky bomb. Or one of the many multi-colored force fields may stand between John and his goal. These force fields are color-coded and block items, people, and explosions at various intervals making for often times tricky puzzle-solving.

BOOM!

Rochard’s only downfall is the battles. The game, at times, leaves the impression that it was not quite designed for combat. There is far too much of it. Players will rush into an environment to find themselves overwhelmed and outgunned by space police and pirates. Luckily, the game has so many well-placed checkpoints that these mishaps do not significantly hinder progression. It is, of course, frustrating to have to blast through the same group of too-many enemies to get to the game’s real heart—puzzles—but it is a small price to pay for such a rewarding experience.

Rochard is one of the better downloadable games in recent memory. Instead of being focused on artistry and visual candy like so many other indie games, Recoil Games has clearly put a great deal of time and effort into the actual gaming experience. The tight way in which players interact with environments makes this a must-have for anyone who enjoys puzzle platformers. Admittedly, this reviewer was a little skeptical to step away from her normal artsy-fartsy fare when she was generously given a review copy of Rochard. In the end, however, it was a charming and rewarding experience. Readers can bet this player will be heading back through the levels to collect the remaining trophies and revisit the expertly crafted puzzles of Rochard.