This is it. This is where I’m destined to live out the rest of my days. In a broom cupboard with ex-staff members. And yet, I’m oddly content. It may just be a side effect of having my brain, torso and hands replaced with machinated alternatives, but I’m content. And isn’t that what Lusipurr.com is all about?

Maybe I’ll see you in the future if they cart me out for special features, but either way, thanks for sticking around.

Kenjujuu.

Ugh. Of all the things to set us back, it had to be two more random bodyguards, a metallic bird and a wall made of chairs. But we’re so close to victory, we can’t lose now. Although there may be others than just Lusipurr fighting to take over the world right now…

Finally. All of the Robot Masters are defeated. With the simple reprogramming of a robot dog, the stealing of roof insulation and the purchase of several kilos of walnuts, these last three bots were crushed! And we thought Megaphone Man was going to be somewhat slightly more significant!

Next stop, the Boss Man, Lusipurr himself. Wish us luck.

We’re at the final haul. I’m so proud of our team, they’ve done so well. We’ve only lost three members, and two of them just deserted us without so much as half a panel of comic time, so it’s kind of their own fault. I reckon we’ll be facing the Chessmaster himself in around two months…provided nothing goes wrong with our plans.
In other news, Blitzmage has reprogrammed this robotic dog, and he’s so cool! Definitely the highlight of this entire battle.
That and saving the world, of course.

Day Eighty-Six. As a present to cheer me up, the rest of the Rebels fixed Flame Man’s carcass so I can use his head to shoot fire. I put it to use, and it worked! Another robot goes down in flames! I kind of want to set more stuff on fire, but they took my weapon away, something about me being “all fired up”. It is pretty powerful. There was nothing left where that igloo used to be except a strangely large pile of ashes. . .

Day Seventy-Nine. Or is it?

I can’t remember.

This battle has worn on a long while.

At least we’re winning.

But I can’t help but feel like something’s brewing.

Was there a bird hat lying around in the wreckage?

I need to sleep.

Day Seventy-Two. Ethos dealt a massive victory for us this last week, and now we have just been assigning Tea Man’s punching ability to Imitanis, in the form of a Fist-In-The-Box (like a Jack-In-The-Box, but with added awkward sexual innuendo). Things are looking up, and the team is feeling strong! Except James Pagel, who somehow thinks that his job in this is “unfair” and “painful”. It’s not like he’s doing any of the fighting, he’s just getting hit repeatedly yet somehow feels he is “unappreciated”! But I digress. If all goes to plan, we’ll be facing off to Lusipurr in under two months. Wish us luck.

Day Sixty-Two. The score: 2:1 in our favour. But we got lucky with Blitzmage. If it wasn’t for his multiple personality disorder (probably caused by all those years in the Lusipurr.com mines) he may not have survived, and though we seek to save humanity, that starts with one another, and we will not let another team-mate fall.
This is how Lusipurr’s Hiring Drive has played right into our hands! James Pagel, the Hot-Dog Guy, strolled right in to pick up his non-disclosure agreement forms and BAM! Trapped him inside the wrecked carcass of Flame Man and dragged him into an abandoned stage. Sure, we could have just made armour for ourselves and continued as planned. But where’s the fun in that?

Day Fifty-Five. The unthinkable has happened. We have lost a team-mate. It appears that upon his loss, The Red Menace has vanished from the stage. Our first defeat, and the price was a heavy one.

Who loses from a single punch to the face?! I made Tea Man, that hand is just an accessory for pounding loose tea into powder for home-made tea bags!

In any case, today we said goodbye to a great team-mate, a caring friend, an inspiring Communist. May he rest in peace, or pieces, or in dust that heavily resembles fist-crushed loose tea powder.

Day Forty-Nine. Turns out these robots are pretty flimsy. Deimosion was able to slice Flame Man’s head clean off, and now his sword is imbued with the power of psychedelic-looking flames. This might be a lot easier than we originally thought – maybe now that The Red Menace is done messing about with his new rope abilities we’ll just send him out against all the robots and get this over with in like two sets of comics. Ideal.

Day Forty-Two. After a WEEK, Pierson finally emerges, and with what? The ability to tie people up with rope himself. He’s now convinced he’s invincible – I haven’t the heart to tell him that being able to tie someone up doesn’t stop you from being tied up yourself, it’s simply a matter of who can tie first. Maybe if we send him in with Quick Man he can steal his abilities too… Don’t suggest that. Last thing we need is a second evil dictator rising.

Anyway, next up is Deimosion. But he has yet to decide who to go up against. Suggestions in the comments!

Day Thirty-Five. The Red Menace has, surprisingly, managed to eliminate the first of the Robot Masters, Rope Man. It was actually my mistake – I thought we were throwing him in with Polish Man and they could talk about the Cold War until one of them exploded. But it all worked out, so there’s nothing to worry about! Everything is fine! Moving swiftly on, we have to decide who’s next to ‘fight’. Rope Man was shockingly easy to defeat, so perhaps we can just send Pierson to destroy them all. Then again, he still hasn’t exited the room. Maybe something’s wrong…

Day Twenty-Eight. We’re into the fort complex. Disarming the guards took precision and tasers, but we managed it – but now the real challenge begins. We shall have to decide who is to challenge the Robot Masters first – and which one to attack. We also have to accept that not all of us may come out unscathed. We are outnumbered and, to be honest, horribly incompetent. I don’t even know where Ethan got that axe from! And where the hell is Bod?!

This probably won’t end well. Stay tuned.

Day Twenty-one. My birthday – but this is no time to celebrate. As you can see, Lusipurr has just released images of his Eight Robot Masters. On the plus side, we now know what we’re up against. On the downside, we know there’s a slim chance of winning. I personally drew up the specifications for Tea Man and Polish Man, and they both have ‘features’ that could be deadly to our small rebel team – not to mention the fear that builds upon the sight of Megaphone Man.

From the looks of things, we have a while before his base will be completed, so there’s time for us to train up and decide on tactics. We’ll take Christmas Day off, but then it’ll be an extended training montage until we are ready, so We’ll take this time to say Merry Christmas to all those following our escapade. Enjoy your holiday.

Day Fourteen. We have arrived back at our dugout. The journey didn’t take long, but it was taxing. Getting into Ethan’s wedding was a challenge; apparently Lusipurr made a profit selling him onto yet another Japanese businessman. California and Hawaii were fairly straightforward, but Australia was the real challenge. We had to entice Julian out with a six-pack of Fosters. The only one we couldn’t locate was Bod, and time is too short to scour the globe. We now have to devise a battle plan. Next week, we begin on the offensive.

It’s Day Seven. Today, Imitanis and I saw what looked like the first stages in a huge project to create a new secret lair. No doubt it’s filled with snake pits and shark-infested pools and other such monstrosities. However, the blandness of the English countryside leaves us unable to draw nearer to take a proper look.

We’ve decided on a strategy. We are going to make a trip to gather together the forces of the ex-staff members, in order to attack the enemy base before it becomes too powerful. Sure, they have robots. But if all goes well, we’ll have a drunk Australian (is there any other kind?) and an angry koala that hasn’t been fed properly in three weeks. It sounds about even.

Dear World,

I, the undersigned Lusipurr, am hereby announcing my intention to take over the world. A grand excursion, true, but one I feel I am able to achieve with the power of my Robot Masters, whom I created under the pretense of more practical employees at my website. 8 specific robots, both seen and unseen, are equipped with abilities far beyond any former staff member’s realization. In this way, any resistance or attempt to thwart my plan will result in death, or worse.

You’re all far better off just surrendering now. First England, then Britain, then Europe, then the world. You have been warned, so start preparing. A world under Lusipurr is not a lenient one.

Cheers,

Lusipurr
President, Editor-in-Chief, Soon-to-be Evil Dictator
Lusipurr.com

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Hi there, readers. I’m afraid that, whilst the webcomic will be ongoing thanks to Webcomic Man, there will no longer be human staff at Lusipurr.com. We have cleared our desks, packed away our uncomfortable orange chairs, and booked our flights or trains back home. It’s been a great time. At risk of insulting the President of the United States of America, I hope Lusipurr thinks long and hard about the long-term efficiency and morale of robot staff.

Or on second thoughts, maybe not. Why didn’t I design them to be battery powered?

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Halloween is fun, isn’t it? Unfortunately, Robot Builder 9000 has begun a project we can’t seem to cancel, and the ETA is three weeks or something, so no Halloween Party Robot or Sweet Dispensing Robot for this party. Whatever RB9k is working on, I’m sure it’ll be amazing. Or at least, more amazing than this shockingly bad get-together.

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The binary’s a little long this week, huh? Anyway, our brand-new Robot Builder Robot was some true innovation! He’s noisy and smelly and takes up the entire lab, but he’s ours, and we appreciate all that he does. He’s like a new member of staff! Bod hasn’t taken to him, but he’s been acting weird lately. I might ask Robot Builder 9000 to whip him up a Translation Robot so we can find out what’s up.

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