I was actually speaking of Colorado! Texas doesn’t have many trout streams (just one, actually, and it is swollen like a tick on a coon dog at the moment, probably due to El Niño).

Poe is the original goth, though. The OG, as it were.

In my defence, Yeats is frequently maudlin. Even my students do not care for him. They like Poe, though, who today would probably have painted his fingernails black, listened to Type O Negative, and called himself “Augustus Sanguinus”.

If it’s any consolation (it’s not), one of my hobbies is fly fishing, and strangely enough our fly fishing waters seem to be polluted by mine runoff on the regular, or fish spawning interrupted by the building of dams, or “whirling disease,” which I can’t in good conscience blame on anything in our culture but still, it’s called “whirling disease.” All good things are given their season, and nothing gold can stay.

By a route obscure and lonely
Haunted by ill angels only
Where an eidolon named NIGHT
On a black throne reigns upright

How can a game that has already fleeced over a $100 million dollars from the gullible glorious early adopters of the game platform of the next century?

So, Square-Enix presents “TOMB RAIDER HD,” a remaster of the original game… reimagined as a turn-based strategy RPG.
You say that but… this is a real thing.

Inexplicably, there will be a badly-implemented action-combat fighting game thrown in the middle.
Oh, you mean this game right here.

For some reason Colecovision releases a console. In 2016. No I’m serious, that shit is happening.
100% true.

Star Citizen releases to critical and fan acclaim, and many lives are lost as people literally starve to death in front of their HOTAS setups
Now you’re just lying.

SQUARE-ENIX ANNOUNCES REMASTERS OF CLASSIC TITLES

Do you love the Tomb Raider series? Of course you do, you’re not a C.H.U.D. Well, what is about Tomb Raider everyone loves? Puzzles? Exploration? Platforming? Shooting people? Nah, obviously it’s the multi-layered storyline about how Lara subsumes her guilt at breaking up her parents with sneaking into dead people’s homes and stealing their shit. So, Square-Enix presents “TOMB RAIDER HD,” a remaster of the original game… reimagined as a turn-based strategy RPG.

What? Those mechanics totally suck with the Tomb Raider franchise? Could have fooled Square. They even ran it by a group of fans whose life consists solely of scene-by-scene reenactments of Final Fantasy Tactics. Those guys loved it, and they seemed hip. What gives, gamers?

SQUARE-ENIX, NOT CONTENT WITH MERELY YOUR TEARS AND WAILS OF ANGUISH, WANTS TO EXTRACT THE TRUE PAIN FROM YOUR VERY SOULS

“Stop!” you gasp, holding a hand to the widening cut across your guts. “Square, I simply cannot go on. You must end the pain.”

“Haha, fuck you!” says the amalgamated monster that is SquaresoftEnix, as they open the Necronomicon to unleash another fathomless horror on the world. In the long line of Final Fantasy PC remakes, only two games stand unmolested: FF9 and FF12. “Ivalice, yeah?” says Square, grinning. “You like it? WELL SUFFER!”

Final Fantasy XII HD Remaster is released, but as an otome dating sim game. Want that perfect ending? You don’t need a Zodiac Spear, or the Japan-only progression system. No, what you need is endless walls of unvoiced text of Ashe playing hard to get from Balthier, for some reason.

Inexplicably, there will be a badly-implemented action-combat fighting game thrown in the middle.

WHAT HORRORS NEXT AWAIT OUR HEROES?

EA gets a government grant to develop a universal gaming platform. Lionhead Studios releases another game. Activision-Blizzard wins an Oscar for the Warcraft movie (“Travis Fimmel was so perfect in his role as Anduin Lothar, everyone! A lifetime achievement award for him!”. For some reason Colecovision releases a console. In 2016. No I’m serious, that shit is happening. Kickstarter becomes the official payment source of Steam, and unless a stretch goal is met, Half-Life 3 is shelved indefinitely, in gold state. Star Citizen releases to critical and fan acclaim, and many lives are lost as people literally starve to death in front of their HOTAS setups. Virtual reality provides a better reality than the current one, and all thoughts of societal progress stall as millions of angry young men attempt to recreate Sword Art Online in the hopes that they too can be perfect Marty Stus and get the girl of their dreams who just happens to love MMOs as much as them and whose dad is like the president of Sony.

NO, STOP, THE PAIN! THE HORROR

Your gods have abandoned you. Only the sweet surcease of death awaits. Assuming, of course, that death is not purchased by Riot and made into a paid-DLC only level, dooming you to an endless queue of pickup games with five angry Russians who you can neither understand nor comprehend.

When they ruin FF7, things will change around here…

Looking forward to Persona 5, and hopefully other JRPG developers will follow Atlus’ lead on their knowledge and expertise in this market. Their audience has increased over the years entirely in spite of the changing gaming audience. They make a product specifically for their fans, their fans buy the product, and spread the word. (By the way, P3 > P4. I don’t dislike P4, but I enjoy the story and characters from P3 more, especially when combined with FES and their story modes in P4 Arena)

As always, thanks again merry gentlemen for an outstanding show, looking forward to the next!