Best example of abstinence ever.
Because There Are Not Enough Gamer Virgins
Are you a slut? Do you wish that someone had told you as a young’un that being a slut is bad? While you wallow in your regret and sorrow, University of Central Florida researchers are working to ensure that no one ever has to deal with your guilt again. The game, which cost over four-hundred thousand dollars to create, has female players put on a motion-capture suit and interact with several in-game avatars that want to get into your digital pants. Members of the opposite sex will ask the player out on a date or make a dirty comment, which the player must ignore in order to win. The game is meant to be released in Spring 2011 and is primarily meant to give youth the opportunity to learn how to say “no” without the social pressures that they would face in the real world. However, in the course of reading this, one has to ask: why is there no such game for male players? And why are players only accosted by male avatars? So to all the young cocksuckers of Florida and beyond, it is okay to be a lesbian or a slutty boy.
Asuka is about as pleasant as sticking "yer manhood in the forge."
“Polishing the Mast Just Thinking About Her”
The latest gems of dialogue from the upcoming Final Fantasy XIV has the ESRB up in arms about what the game’s rating should be. Why? Aside from the above reference to masturbation, there are also multiple references to alcohol or drunken characters, as well as the word “shit.” Because we have never heard that awful word before. Also a cause for concern is the yellow or purple blood that comes from monsters’ corpses, or the lingering upward angles taken from below young women. Somehow, as with FFXI before it, Square-Enix’s MMO managed to secure a teen rating despite all of its unsavory aspects. Beta testing of the game began earlier this month on the 13th, and the full PC version game is slated for international release on September 22nd for the collector’s edition and the 30th for standard edition. The PS3 version is still lingering with a March 2011 release date.
Nihao nyan!
Starcraft II Mania
With the release of one of the most anticipated games of this year (or, it could be argued, this decade), Europe and the Americas saw nearly two million copies sold, with approximately thirty-one percent of that being from Battle.net downloads alone. Despite its staggering sales numbers, the reviews pouring in are quite scathing: its a great game, if it would just fucking work. Glitches and bugs riddle the game, including a delightful one that Blizzard has confirmed can easily overheat your computer due to its unlimited frame-rate screens. While they have released a fix for this particular bug, it is still plagued by compatibility issues, black screens, and even anti-virus software saying that the program is a trojan. These complaints are joined by complaints of Blizzard’s business model regarding this game: DLC everything, yet you still must pay $60 for the game. Many are saying that they purchased only one-third of a game and scoffing at Blizzard’s reliance on their fanboys…they have clearly missed the irony that they bought right into that. Fanboy logic prevails as usual.
So we put sum 3D in yur 3DS so you can headache while you play.
Telegraphing Their Punches
Setting themselves up for the “yo dawg, I herd you like…” meme, Nintendo announced some new information this week. What information have they announced? That on September 29th, they will be announcing the release date for the 3DS. That’s it. While they have stated that the handheld system will be internationally available by March 31st, 2011, they have not assigned that date when it will actually debut on the market. Their marketing manager, James Honeywell:
“Price, we haven’t made any kind of announcement at the moment, but for everyone who already knows, you know, the Nintendo DSi is available for around £129.99. The Nintendo DSi XL, with the larger screens, is around £159.99. So obviously, it’s going to fit, kind of, somewhere within that kind of architecture.”
So there you go. If you want the Nintendo 3DS, you will have to wait until September 29th, and then you can know how much longer you need to wait and how much to pay. We herd you like being confused.
On three...."Awwwwwww! <3"
Still Not Bankrupt Yet
Nippon-Ichi is working their little Japanese asses off to stay alive in this market, and their latest attempt at staving off failure [Edit: I apologize for my idiocy, I confused the two studios for whatever reason. Thanks, Epyon.] Namco-Bandai is bringing the Wii-exclusive Tales of Graces to the PS3 with another PS3 Tales to follow it, as well as another Radiant Mythology title for the PSP. Of course, this is all in their Japanese market, no dates or even intentions for international release have been stated. And in a recent San Francisco press conference with NIS America’s Nao Zook, some light was shed on the localization process that they face. “Although NIS America is known for niche Japanese RPG titles, it doesn’t mean we just localize any titles released in Japan,” she said, adding that they must first decide if it will appeal to North American audiences, and if it will, how much time the localization process will take. She also does note something which our site has discussed before, WRPGs versus JRPGs. “I think it is easier to shift from Japanese-style RPGs to the Western games than the other way around,” acknowledging that there is a certain ‘wow’ factor that the constant Disgaea re-releases are not satisfying. But she still has a glimmer of hope, assuring us that the next Disgaea game will wow us. Only time can tell.
Posted by Jenifer 