Lusipurr.com – Presenting the Sundry Opinions of Lusipurr and Friends

Four New Races, Four More Ways to Get Your Money!

Ways to Get a Gamer’s Money Without Releasing a Game

Do you love MMOs but hate that you have to pay for them? Do you want to be part of my guild? …Please? I really need someone to pick my pathetic ass up off the ground all the time. NCSoft’s Guild Wars released five years ago with three expansions since, and for the past year, they’ve been pulling at the heartstrings of their fans with teasers about Guild Wars 2. This week, they announced more about it! Except it wasn’t about the actual game. ‘Ghosts of Ascalon’ is a book set to be released this summer, set two-hundred years after the events of the original series and in the current time line of the upcoming game. Unfortunately, the folks at NCSoft clearly did not think this through: even if we do buy your promotional novel in the summer, the speculated release date of the game is 2011, so while fanatics like me will not forget, more casual fans certainly will in the passing months. A novel idea (pun totally intended) would be to stop teasing us and release the actual game.

Just to fuck with any readers that might be color blind, you're welcome.

Out Of Eye Drops To Cure the ‘Blind’ Status Effect

While this week’s PS3 day-long apocalypse was not exactly in Sony’s favor, they do have the up-side that the Central District of California courts this week threw out a suit against them filed by a blind gamer. Plaintiff Alexander Stern, who is legally blind, sued Sony for creating games that did not meet federal mandates about making public accommodations to handicapped individuals. While his enjoyment of the game may very well have been hindered by their lack of accommodation, the courts always want to rule in favor of public policy, stating that if they had determined Sony’s games to be a place of public accommodation, the ramifications for the industry as a whole would be too widespread and open the floodgates for other suits. However, if you are a game and highly visually impaired, there is still hope for you. Just ask Jordan Vernon of Canada, who posted a video on YouTube of himself struggling through the classic Zelda game for Nintendo 64, Ocarina of Time. While most of the evil people on YouTube probably responded with comments so pathetic that it makes Nate Liles seem mature, Roy Williams and three other Zelda fans wrote out step-by-step instructions for their fellow gamer.  After a huge transcript and many, many hours, Vernon finally beat the game, and owes it to the few people left in the world that have compassion.

Probably accurate.

What Heartless Corporation Has Absolutely No Compassion?

On this week’s “Why We Hate Square Enix,” we will talk about…  what was the name of that game again? Oh right, Final Fantasy XIII. During this week’s Great PS3 Crisis of 2010, the knee-jerk reaction of the gaming community was that the next in the Final Fantasy series would potentially see higher sales on the XBox 360 because of Sony’s blunder. Well, that apparently got someone’s panties in a knot because the following day, a week before the scheduled international release date, the 360 version of the game found itself leaked all over the internet thanks to several industrious little pirates. While this is surely devastating to the folks over at Square Enix, it probably does not matter all that much, seeing as XIII’s producer Yoshinori Kitase is already planning for the future. In a new interview, Kitase stated he is already thinking up ideas of Final Fantasy XV, despite previous statements that XIII would be the last of its kind.

That linen slut was just asking for it, just look at how full of cotton she is. What a dirty girl.

Do You Take This Pillow in Holy Matrimony?

This week, as a show of just how pathetic the world can be, a Korean man married his pillow. No, ladies and gentlemen, I only wish I were kidding. After a Japanese man married a character from the DS game Love Plus, this particular man took the logical next step that he should marry a physical representation of his beloved 2D wife, Fate Testarossa from the series Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha. These body pillows, called dakimakura, feature the helpless anime girls, oftentimes in provocative positions, much to the delight of lonely otaku all over the world. So you can comfort yourself to sleep at night knowing that someone somewhere is enjoying their honeymoon by pumping down feathers out of their beloved.