News: We’re Poor, Old, and Pissing Ourselves…Lusipurr.com Nursing Home Edition!

2010.02.13
Disgaea Prinny Solid Snake

War has changed. War has transformed us...into Prinnys.

Time to Say ‘Sayonara’ to Nippon Ichi?

The developer of  such great games as Disgaea, La Pucelle, and Phantom Brave has found themselves in dire straits this week. When their share holders got word that the latter half of 2009 brought a 97.5% reduction in profits, a massive sell-off began. In a single day, their stock had dropped by nearly 20%, causing JASDAQ to put a temporary freeze on it to prevent more panicked sales.  Many fans are pointing fingers at the recent string of re-releases and sequels, wondering if the once-esteemed company has any non-Disgaea ammo left. Even when they do release new content, fans are still left sorely disappointed, most recently with Last Rebellion, which only moved 3,300 copies in the three weeks that its been available in Japan. It releases February 23rd to North American gamers, and March 26th to those in EU markets, and seeing as Nippon Ichi’s excuse is that the game is focused to Western gamers, these releases could potentially make or break the company.

Atari Kangaroo

Sorry, I'm American and know nothing about Australia or its gamers. I assume this is what you play.

Nintendo versus Australian Hackers

New Super Mario Bros. Wii is serious business, 1.5 million dollars worth of serious business. An EB manager in Queensland received an advance copy of the game at his workplace and made the mistake of uploading the game to the internet a week before its official release. This week, a federal court has determined that the man must pay the paltry million-and-a-half fine, as well as Nintendo’s legal costs. Most disappointing for the land down under is Nintendo’s impending threat that any future games could suffer postponed release dates, a serious hit in a nation that already gets most of its games weeks to months after the rest of the world. Coming from a country where piracy is rampant and almost never punished, my condolences go out to the Aussies stuck playing the games of old.

Broken Xbox Live Baby

Standard XBox Live Player

High School is Middle-Aged for Gamers

As anyone who has every subjected themselves to Teamspeak, XBox Live, or any other gaming chat client will know, the majority of players are screaming pre-pubescent boys that will call you a faggot and threaten to castrate you because they were stupid enough to run on top of your claymore. Ladies and gentlemen, these kids are the future of gaming, or so say the members of Major League Gaming. The most elderly member is a staggeringly ancient twenty-five years old, and while his Atari and Pac-Man skills of prehistoric times still keep him able to hold his own, he admits he is no match for those who have grown up on the Playstation and Xbox consoles. Currently, the newest up-and-comer in Halo 3 is only fourteen years old. Of course, many of the old guard argue that it is due to a lack of time as well; practicing in Modern Warfare 2 is more difficult for an adult with work and family responsibilities, while the only concern of the youth is making sure they get their homework done. There is also a serious divide on the manner of gaming in adults and teens as well; the gamers of yesteryear are more interested in tactics, storyline, and working together to have fun, while the young ones concentrate on having the highest kill ratio and shun all other endeavors. It is a sad day when kids too young to know how to control their own ‘joysticks’ can kick your ass in a game…and they probably have no idea what an actual arcade or Atari joystick looks like.

FFX-2 Yuna Singing

This may or may not be Nobuo Uematsu. Pretty cute for an old Japanese man.

American Final Fantasy Fans Wet Themselves

Myself included, please excuse me while I clean up. … Ah, much better. Anime Boston announced on Monday that the great composer Nobuo Uematsu will be a guest at the convention in Boston, Massachusetts in April. It is not clear if he will be leading the Boston-based Video Game Orchestra in their performance, though one would assume he will at least be attending the concert. Any fans hoping this coincides with another American tour will be both pleased and disappointed; the Distant Worlds tour will be happening stateside again, but not until July, at which point it will be in San Francisco, California. To see if Uematsu and conductor Arnie Roth will be visiting your area, their site and list of tour dates can be found here. The question this begs is if it will result in a repeat of the story run two weeks ago about fans waiting outside for a month to see him. …No, I am not that obsessive, shut up.

Team Rocket Fail

Why did Team Rocket want Pikachu so bad? They were hungry.

Followed by Lusipurr Wetting Himself

Its okay, he is considered an elderly gamer so we already hooked him up with adult diapers. On the heels of the news of an entirely new Pokemon game, the first new Pokemon of the next generation has been introduced. Originally, it was only a cock-tease silhouette, just as every new Pokemon reveal has been, but the industrious little heathen over at 2ch managed to get full pictures of the new pocket monster. No details about the game itself have been released, though as discussed in MAP 50, we can assume you start out in a small rural town and are accosted by an old man that wants free child labor to finish his research. If you are under the age of twelve or as lonely and pathetic as Shawn, you can check out the newest Mudkip here. It looks like they just took Riolu/Lucario and made it red, perhaps to represent how they are bleeding the series dry.