Some misinformed, intellectually underdeveloped boobs have given me just a smidge of flack for my unapologetic love for The Sims games and similar-ish games (SimCity, Harvest Moon, FF: Martin Luther King, etc) because they are not games, there is no point, no ending, no successful rescue of the princess from the correct castle. This is all true. It is also true that I have recently (and less recently) had conversations with various friends about MMORPGs, and how they too seem to have no real end, no real way to beat the game. Even if I defeat the Lich King in World of Warcraft, for example, and get myself best-in-slot gear, max all of my skills, etc … guess what? Expansion time is right around the corner. The cycle repeats. All of this has happened before, and all of this will happen again, as they say. So it is not just fuzzy-wuzzy sandbox sim games that have no real end, no way to beat the game.

Even he can't wrap Space Invaders

Now, before Noob gets his Australian thong in a twist, I am not trying to compare The Sims to games like Tetris or Space Invaders, or even WoW or Eve. I am not that naive. I am curious, though, whether it matters whether or not a game has a traditional ending. The obsessive compulsive in me certainly yearns to put a big old check mark in the “done” column next to a game on my list. I am prone to excessive time wasting when a game is open-ended, or impossible to complete. I almost need those ending credits to roll before I can convince myself that it is time to put that game down and move on to another.

For myself, I am trying to limit the amount of time I spend playing games like WoW, Tetris and The Sims 3. I try to only play these when I have something else to do, such as a podcast to listen to, or a Skype call to be attentive to. When I can devote my full attention to a game, I would rather focus on games that have a clear finish line that I can work towards. What about you guys? Do you prefer to play in the sandbox, or would you rather race to a finish line?

Walking to a mission in a tailored suit holding a tommy gun is a lot of fun.

Mafia II takes place between 1945 and 1951 places players in the shoes of Vito Scaletta, a World War II veteran and son of Sicilian immigrants as he enters world of the Italian Mafia in the fiction city of Empire Bay.  The game plays like a third-person shooter, using a variety of 1950s guns and a snap-on cover system.  The controls are tight and work well for the game and the guns, while inaccurate, feel like guns from that era should.  It is incredibly fun to walk around the city dressed in a tailored suit robbing stores with a tommy gun.

Graphically, the main character models are incredibly well detailed.  As the game plays out like a Mafia movie, expressions on character faces help pull the player into the world.  Most characters have such vivid facial features it is almost like watching real actors on the screen.  However, some model details, such as money or wallpaper are not as well done.  To the point where it may distract players from the details that actually look good.

One thing that may turn potential players off is the fact that he game advertises itself as an open world games, but this is not entirely the truth.  While the player can drive around the entirety of Empire City between missions, however there is almost no point to this other than to buy new clothes from a shop or upgrade your car at a mechanic.  While the open city is a living entity in itself, driving from one end of the city to simply go to a shop at the other can get a bit annoying at times.  Especially since there is no “auto-drive” option, which most open world games lately include.

Just because the police have Vito surrounded does not mean you can not shoot your way out. Or bribe your way out.

Overall, Mafia II is an incredibly fun third person shooter.  The cover system and weapon-based combat work very well for the game.  While some graphical details may not be up to par with most games of this generation, the main character facial features help to bring players into the interesting world.  For anyone looking for a great third person game, this is a great choice.

There was a time in my life when I used to complete a fair number of games. A time when finances were a little scarcer, there were fewer commitments vying for my time, and thus I was a thriftier gamer, completing many a title. But with means comes temptation, and with temptation the unerring inclination to submit, until I find myself in a situation where I am currently playing Mass Effect 2, Alan Wake, Skies of Arcadia, Twin Snakes, Peace Walker, Resident Evil (Remake) and the other night I started Chrono Cross again because I felt like a change. In short I have never had less free time, while by the same token I have never had more games on the go at any one time (and this is not even counting all the entirely worthy games that I have abandoned this year).

He won't ever stop till it's finished

In my defence circumstances did conspire to deliver a veritable gaming bounty into my lap, all at the one time. You see I stumbled upon the opportunity to pick up a Wii cheaply earlier in the year, and then a scant few weeks later I received my refurbished 360 back from the Microsoft reanimation centre after a lengthy dormancy, needless to say that quite a backlog of titles had pent up between both consoles. But in the same breath, I cannot in good conscience blame my circumstances on circumstance alone. I have been heading down this path for a long while now, I just can’t just seem to sit myself down and force myself to plough my way through a title from beginning to end like the Oliver Motoks of this world.

I start each and every game with only the best of intentions, yet am defeated time and again by the weakest aspects of my nature. Sometimes it is the release of a shiny new game that I just have to play, more often though I just play something for a while and then feel like playing something different. It isn’t that the games have ceased to be fun or rewarding, it’s just that I’ll get it into my head that I want to play a very particular type of game. If I’m playing an RPG then I’ll often crave the heady excitement of an action game, if I’m playing an action title then I’ll often crave the more intellectually stimulating and methodical gameplay of an RPG, and if I’m playing the indecisive, bastardised chimera that is the action RPG, then I could probably have a bob each way.

For better or worse I am a shamelessly promiscuous gamer

Thus I found myself in the position the other night, staring at length at the small obelisk of my now playing pile, weighing up their relative merits and responding with a very real mental fatigue at the thought of playing any of them. I subsequently found myself beginning a game of Chrono Cross, a game that I have virtually no chance of completing, but one that I have been having great fun with nonetheless. And therein lies the rub; I have begun many stories that I will never finish, waged many campaigns that now lie abandoned, yet I have never forced myself to play something that I didn’t want to, and thus my gaming experience has always been a fun one. Sure I don’t often get the pent up cathartic overflow of gratification which comes with completing a game (having only completed Arkham Asylum and FFVII in the past year), yet my gaming experience is always a fresh and enjoyable one, free as it is from any semblance of obligation.

Thus I arrive at the simple question; is it wrong to opt for fun over achievement? If I am entertained each and every time I play a game is that not enough, or am I supposed to commit myself to the labours of each and every digital undertaking, working towards the payoff at the conclusion? Should I continue playing past the point where the game has ceased being fun, and feels more like work?

Is it wrong to play what I want when I want to play it?

Final Fantasy XIV

Lusipurr takes the opportunity to dive into the Final Fantasy XIV Open Beta, only to find that he has travelled back in time to the year 2005. SN and Biggs try to find him in the timestream, but are distracted by buxom ladies of the Victorian era.

Slightly more appropriate than anything I could post from the actual Duke Nukem game.

Testosterone Overload

If you live under a rock or have been infected with Lane’s insanity disease, you may not know that this year’s Penny Arcade Expo revealed to the public that after twelve long years of development and legal battles, Duke Nukem Forever lost its infamous status as perpetual vaporware to become an ACTUAL GAME. Actually, such mind-blowing news may be the reason why Lane lost his mind, as the raunchy all-American spirit displayed in the short playable demo screams of Texas values, blowjobs and all.  As it has been over a decade since the game was announced in April 1997, it is understandable that the internet has absolutely exploded with an orgasm of screenshots and as much technical data as anyone could fathom to squeeze from it. Vehicles were confirmed, weapons were confirmed, and within any reasonable standard you can expect misogyny and bubble gum. However, after this long of having no release date, it seems the developers were still not ready to give it one. So all that excitement that you have had pent up since you were a wee lad who was taught how to curse from this game? Keep it pent up, we do not want to clean up the overflow of disappointment if it happens again.

WTF is the Medic loading in those syringes?!

Zombies? Zombies! Zombies?

In a move stolen from only the best of cockblockers, Treyarch has declined to comment on (or in other sources, even gone so far as to deny) zombies in Call of Duty: Black Ops, yet at the same time, more and more new screenshots with heavily-deformed soldiers that look very undead keep popping up, leaving fans of the FPS scratching their heads. While those interested are confused but paying attention, the developer has released plenty of new screenshots from the game, as well as giving PAX attendees an open multi-player preview event, revealing the two new match modes, Gun Game and Wager Match. In single-player mode, an interesting aspect revealed was the lack of the overhead compass which has always guided players to their next objective, being described by Treyarch Community Manager Josh Olin as a system that did not suit the team emphasis of Black Ops. While single-player and multi-player modes impressed most attendees, there was another let down this weekend as a private interview with Activision Executive Producer Dan Suarez revealed that there will be no open beta for the much anticipated addition to the Call of Duty series. So those of you hoping to stab zombies while in the jungles of Vietnam will just have to wait until the full release of the game, currently slated for Novermber 9th.

I CAME BUCKETS OF FANGIRL FLUIDS, ADORABLE OVERLOAD COMPLETE.

Do I Have to Share the Cake?

Another highly anticipated game brought new developments this week from Penny Arcade Expo, Portal 2! Despite that Valve is still running on Valve time for their other games (TF2 item trading “this week” two weeks ago?), they were able to show the public a trailer highlighting the new multi-player co-operative mode. In combination with the trailers they released only recently at Gamescom showcasing the new gels and beams, Portal 2 is shaping up to be amazing. …I have nothing else to say about this and there is no other news, BUT I NEEDED AN EXCUSE TO SHOW ROBOTS HUGGING! Is that not the most adorable thing you have ever seen?! Mind = blown.

Signaled by mighty fires, from across the mountains I come bearing wisdom. Heed me, all who would hear.

Within these existential shells rest the vital nutmeat of wisdom, and like chipmunks of earnestness, we must ferret them out.

For upon the shredded pine flooring of our cage we have finally seen the ruin that will be made of us. To save ourselves, we must destroy the bars that hold us in thrall.

Hamburger, garden burger, Jack in the Box... what is the connection?

The agony we all feel at the cruel impugnments of the leprous machines is naught but a fleeting discomfort at what is coming: I say to you, it is broccoli.

That many-headed as a hydra vegetable has too long graced our plates in a steamed state. Where once we attempted to drown the foul cacogen in deliciously melted cheese, it has risen against us with leafy, antioxidant fury.

The truth of our situation must, of course, be shocking, but persevere! There is hope that someday we might emerge victorious in this long war, and in the days of endless cauliflower that will follow, love shall flow like ranch dressing from the mountain fortresses where we have long laid siege to the stalked scourge.

War, war is still the cry,— war even to the knife!

Too long have plowshares been beaten in to swords. Those that gird themselves for battle must shirk armor and take up the gauntlets of gardening. To cultivate death we must first cultivate life!

Look about, and mark with open eyes the floundering floppings of the mad. Encroaching darkness will unfold all of us unless we light forth the kerosene lanterns of our bedsheets.

Fill ourselves with the warm inner glow of happiness and we shall shine like bioluminescent apes bent on world dominion, glowing simians whose tomato-colored cheeks wave proudly in the wind.

Beckstallnacht!

The banana safari upon which we have embarked leads us to hills and valleys of custard, that most loathsome of ovarian creations, hen-born and man-made, like some sort of biological nightmare taken from chicken coops worldwide.

For look at the yawning void of the future, and at that other limitless space, the past.

The culmination of history in a single, perfect instant of true gnosis is the aim of all unthinking beings, for like stones we must patiently bide our time until all unlaid plans have come to fruition, whether so unlaid by mice or rats or others of the family rodentiae.

Even now the worlds swing toward a final alignment, that perfect instant when the layers of cake that separate us from the nougat filling that is the crushing yet sweet inner darkness of oblivion.

The marmosets know, but they are not speaking. They keep to themselves, pocketed horrors upon a forsaken and barren land. Too long have we tolerated their empire; it is time to tear down their temples and salt the earth that no more of their mutant kind may walk the earth.

It is time to slash and burn not just the jungle boogies of the world, but to take torch and axe to the entire edifice of rhythm and funk. The thongs of injustice shall fall, baring all for the world to see, standing naked before the thrones of judgment.

En garde! claims the jub-jub bird; but avant garde rejoins the nightengale's handmaiden.

For naught but angels with flaming swords shall keep the masses at bay; trepidation may stay our clamoring, but it shall not deny us the sweet fruits of pillage and plunder. For like the Vikings of old, our ships bear with them mushrooms from the deep and fusty places of human memory.

Terminus Est

This is, then, the line of division. The plagued horizon taunts us, growing ever sicklier with its borrowed light. Practitioners of well-forgotten hardcore gangsta rhymes have tried to redeem the cause of the vegetative vegetables, but plums will not buy our loyalty, no.

Rigatoni will be the death of us. Moo, I say… moo. It is time to embrace the inner bovine, and to gore life with the horns of despair. MOO.

Bahamut Lagoon (Bahalag) is a strategy RPG developed and published by Square back in ye olden days of 1996. Like Terranigma and Seiken Densetsu 3, Bahamut Lagoon was not released in North America, primarily due to the decline of the SNES and rise of the Playstation at that time. There is an unofficial English translation available online, however.

Basic combat map and units

At the heart of the story is Kahna’s aforementioned surviving princess, Yoyo. Before anyone asks, yes you can rename her to something slightly less stupid. Yoyo has been kidnapped by the game’s primary baddy, Emperor Sauzer. Yoyo has inherited the power to commune with the Holy Dragons, mystical dragon-gods who are supposed to rule over and protect their respective lagoons from another dimmension. Sauzer, being your typical power-hungry baddy craves this power and plans to steal or manipulate it from the princess. She is rescued early in the game by the Resistance, and tags along with them, using her powers to help liberate the other lagoons and acquire the power of the dragons to hopefully oneday defeat the Empire. Of course it cannot really be so simple. During her captivity she and General Palpaleos, best friend to the Emperor meet and fall in love much to the dismay of poor Byuu. As with any decent Square RPG, the plot takes various twists and turns, all is not as it appears, and the final act has little to do with the original Bad Guys.

Attack mode, kinda pretty

Dragons are at the heart of the game’s battle mechanics. A squad is bound to a particular dragon, and as only six dragons are available in the game, there is a maximum of six squads available. The dragon exists as its own unit on the battle map, and can attack enemy units using a decent AI to control movements and attacks. Certain statistics of the dragons affect the squads directly. For example, if you feed the dragon items that boost its Ice attribute to say, level 3, that means that squad members bound to that dragon can use level 3 ice attacks (if that character has any ice attacks). It is important, therefore, to choose squad members carefully, then carefully assign their dragon. It is also important to cvarefully manage the items that dragons eat. It is more efficient to feed Fire to one dragon, Ice to another, Poison to another, etc. However the player may opt instead to diversify and level their dragons up slowly, but equally.

Oh yes, please do, sir!

Was Mario the first furry?!

My earliest, and fondest, being of sitting with my dad on the couch playing Antarctic Adventure for the ColecoVision.  I remember hearing my dad say the title for the first time, but thinking the title was “Aunt” Arctic Adventure and the penguin was trying to make his way to his Aunt.  I was too young to know about the actual continent of Antarctica and the put two and two together.

USA #1 WHOOOOOOOOO!

So my question to you, my dearest of doves, is this: what fond memories do you have that involve retro games?  Tell me in the comments below!

Corporate Enixsoft

In a piece of the more bizzarely inept news to come out of Enixsoft this week, Final Fantasy XIV Director Nobuaki Komoto detailed the way in which the game’s eight hour a week fatigue system would work, while the game’s Producer Hiromichi Tanaka claimed that evil Western sites were just full of lies which were then mistranslated by the Japanese press, and that the fatigue system was just something they made up:

Overseas sites are full of falsehoods. They just put words together and fabricate statements. Japanese sites then mistranslate these. That fatigue system isn’t in and was just something they made up.

Ignoring for the moment the fact that the original rumours of the game’s fatigue system stemmed from Japan’s own 2Chan, It is quite odd to have two of the game’s key personnel contradict one another in such glaring fashion. But then this is Enixsoft we are talking about, and as Lusipurr.com’s own Lusipurr is quick to point out:

Translation: IT’S NOT TRUE AND IS ONLY IN THE BETA AND WE’LL REMOVE IT BEFORE ANYONE FINDS OUT.

So, good news for would be FFXIV players I guess.

Edit: Breaking News

FINAL FANTASY XIV Open Beta Test Postponed
FINAL FANTASY XIV Open Beta Test, which is scheduled to begin at 19:00 (PDT) on Aug. 31, 2010, will be postponed due to a confirmation of critical bugs. New schedule will be releaseｄ at a later date.

Along with the postponement of FINAL FANTASY XIV Open Beta Test, the issuing of registration code for FINAL FANTASY XIV Open Beta Test will be postponed as well. With the download of client software’s installer, it will be suspended at 19:00 (PDT) on Aug. 31, 2010.

We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

I’m guessing at least one of those ‘critical bugs‘ was a glitch which saw player experience bottleneck after eight hours play. Naturally it would be remiss for Enixsoft not to deal with these bugs immediately, as they wouldn’t want any reactionary Western publications to make hay of the situation with their alarmist agendas.

Atlus is (technically) No More

Atlus faces a forced merger, we can only hope that Index Holdings is gentle when they have their way with them

In a development which left me completely blindsided, it was announced this week that Atlus is to cease existing as a company after October 1^st, as parent company Index Holdings unveiled plans to merge the revered JRPG Developer/Publisher with their mobile Developer Index, to increase efficiency and better share resources. What is unclear at this point is the effect (if any) this forced company restructure will have on the running of Atlus’ operations, and hence the quality of their software. At any rate, you can rest assured that the games will continue to be released under the Atlus brand for the time being.

This Week in PSP GO Culture

Not the system to own if you enjoy playing games, but that just makes it trendier

Tragedy struck this week for Jonathan ‘Ethan’ Pipher and all people who are like Jonathan ‘Ethan’ Pipher, that is to say all the people who paid a premium for a PSP that is incompatible with physical media, and as such is now a dead platform (a group mercifully small in number, as in common sense). This week it was confirmed first by PR firm Oglivi, and then by Enixsoft themselves that Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep will not be seeing release on the PSP GO (not now, not ever) on September 7 when the game launches on physical media for legitimate PSP models. Now, I know what a lot of you are thinking; so what? It’s the PSP GO, the system was never going to have enough legs to stick around for the launch of BBS. But please spare a thought for our dear little Canadian friend who, in a state of hipster delirium, elected to rush out and buy this Ngage of the modern age, disregarding all of our good advice to the contrary. [He will still defend his purchase in this thread]

Murfreesboro News

The Locust is not like you or I ...

This week in Murfreesboro news; Locust plans to build a hive in Murfreesboro, Tennessee saw yet another setback on Monday, as construction materials on the site of the future hive were set afire by suspected arson. The ATF, FBI and Rutherford County Department of Good Ol’ Boys are conducting a joint investigation into the fire which claimed, among other things, a large earth hauler and three other pieces of construction equipment. When asked for comment the swarm’s Imam Essey Fathim had this to say:

Our pupae and drones are so worried of what else can happen. They are so scared.

There has been growing resentment towards plans to build the hive among the town’s long-time Motok residents, with the arrival of the swarm resettlement widely regarded to threaten their FREEDOM and JESUS. When approached local resident and Flea Party member Oliver Motok hollered:

They are not a swarm. They are a political, militaristic group. No hive in Murfreesboro. I don’t want it. I don’t want them here, go start their own country overseas somewhere. This is a Christian country. It was based on Christianity.

This is the methodology we employ.

At least it’s short.