There are few more dire creatures in the world than the Accountant. Born without souls, these emotionless drones eek out a pitiful existence trying to find a way to impose structure and form upon their formless lives. The arcane rules of accountancy, with its attendant procedures for accounts payable and receivable, petty cash, debits, credits, spreadsheets, balances, and receipts, all provide something to which the cast-off drudges of humanity can cling. They, along with the dread Sociologists and Social Workers, are immune to the greater joys and sorrows of existence–but, as it happens, they are also immune to certain Dark Rituals as well.

Kendra writes and draws the comic, and she does a brilliant job. Then, I (Lusipurr) write these little paragraphs and I fear that they are just a detriment to the whole, being facile and pointless. So, it occurs to me that these little sections could be a place where I say things in an unfettered way–a soapbox, if you will. I think of them as a possibility not only to explore the comic, but also to hold forth in a thoroughly colloquial way, similar to that employed over at Penny Arcade. Should I do this? Would anyone even notice? Would it take away from the from the comic? These are the concerns which, heretofore, have prevented me even broaching the topic. But now it is broached, and there is no going back.

I have heard it bandied around–rumoured, one might say–that I am against all Kickstarter projects. This isn’t true. I am not against the projects at all–in many cases, I desperately want the intent of the projects to be successful. What I am against is not indie companies being funded, or good games being made–I am against the perpetuation of a system which has no safeguards for the people who employ it. There are lots of fine Kickstarters, I’m sure, and when they eventually produce something, some of the people who put money in will be very happy. But there are, daily, more and worse kickstarters coming up and, eventually, a lot of people are going to put money in only to find out, at some later date, that they have been royally had–and there will be no recourse–for the avoidance of which I submit Gambitious for your perusal.

The introduction to a masterpiece.

Super Mario World is a game that every gamer should play. It is extremely easily accessible; the original Super Nintendo version, the Game Boy Advance version, and Virtual Console versions are all fairly cheap and easy to find. Super Mario World is a wonderful example of how to make a 2D platformer. There are a number of ways to reach Bowser’s Castle, including the extremely short Star Road route. Super Mario World has a wonderful soundtrack and delightful visuals, and it is a game I highly recommend to any gamer who has somehow not played this gem of a game. Whether aiming for a quick-finish or a full game clear, Super Mario World is a game any gamer should track down and play. In this writer’s mind, Super Mario World is the greatest of the Mario games; no other entry in the series really even manages to come close.

Yoshi’s Island is another game that all gamers should play. Though not as good as Super Mario World, it is still a wonderful game. Yoshi’s Island is extremely bright and colorful and has great level design. Yoshi’s Island does drag on a bit, though; some of the stages take an obnoxiously long time to finish. Baby Mario’s crying is the stuff of legends; truly up there with “Hey! Listen!” on the list of horrible game sound effects. Despite its flaws, though, Yoshi’s Island is still a game with which all gamers should have at least basic familiarity.

Baby Mario's crying, a sound that destroys gamers' ears.

Both Yoshi’s Island and Super Mario World share something that I feel the Super Nintendo did better than perhaps any system to date: both games have aged extraordinarily well. This is in my opinion easily their greatest strength as gaming experiences; both games are just as fun to play now as they would have been when they were released. With both games readily available on Virtual Console, I highly advise anyone reading this who as somehow missed one or both of these games to look into remedying the problem at once. Also of note is Yoshi’s Island DS, a follow-up to the original that is not nearly as good but is still a solid game worth potentially checking out. In any case, Super Mario World and Yoshi’s Island both stand among the greatest Mario games ever made; they are certainly up there with Super Mario Bros. 3. What of you, readers? Am I crazy? Are the two Mario games explored in this article actually worth playing, or perhaps horribly overrated? Let me know what you think.

Edit: In the article, I stated that both games were readily available on Virtual Console. This was a mistake; Yoshi’s Island is not available on North American VC, because Nintendo of America.

Here, drink some of this anti-rage potion!

Diablo III Launch Does Not Go Off Without a Hitch

The anticipation surrounding the third entry in Blizzard’s venerable Diablo series has proved to be unlike anything they have yet encountered in a game launch. On the back of over 2,000,000 pre-orders of Diablo III, Blizzard cautioned players that the log-in authentication servers might take up to forty seconds in order to log players into the game due to the high number of players attempting to do so. As it turns out, this was a rather optimistic assessment.

So great was demand for the title that Blizzard was forced to temporarily reallocate additional servers to cope with the influx of players, even as gamers faced anecdotal delays of up to two hours and met time and again with ‘error 37′ windows. Such niggles are barely noteworthy in regard to such a large-scale entertainment launch, and any lingering inconvenience is sure to melt away over the coming days, yet it is hardly the most palatable debut for fans who have been waiting for ten years in order to consume their next Diablo morsel. At any rate, unlike other such online DRM regimes, Diablo III‘s online authentication at least serves a legitimate design decision in allowing players to utilise the same character for both single-player and multi-player forays into the game.

This is what Australia gets for all those Aborigine witch doctors!

Blizzard Comes to the Aid of Drunken Aussie Diablo III Pre-Orders

When the Australian arm of the fiscally stricken GAME retail chain yesterday went into administration scant hours before the year’s biggest RPG launch, gamers who had stumped up the cash for a pre-order of Diablo III looked to be SOL. It was announced that GAME would not be receiving Diablo III stock, and that consumer money was now forfeit, as only GAME’s backers are entitled to recuperating capital from the emaciated husk of the ailing corporate entity. The launch of Diablo III would have been a day of frustration and regret for Australian GAME customers were it not for the fact Blizzard has elected to ride into this situation of dire angst upon their rainbow-shitting unicorn of hope in order to provide a full refund to GAME customers who choose to instead purchase from Blizzard a digital version of their game.

The way that this has been worked is that affected gamers who purchase a digital version of Diablo III from Blizzard between the 14th (pre-release) up until the 21st of May will be entitled to a refund credit from the RPG developer with the biggest heart in the industry. Subsequently, these gamers will have until the 30th of June to submit their defunct GAME receipts to Blizzard in order to recoup their costs. While this may not be everything customers had hoped for from the start (particularly for those with Collector’s Edition releases of the game), it is nevertheless more than any of them could have hoped for after yesterday’s crushing news. As an act of eleventh hour charity, this goes well beyond anything else that comes to mind in the industry’s history (large-scale charity drives like Child’s Play not withstanding).

Moreover, it is refreshing to encounter a developer who just gets it. Sure, this may well amount to lost sales for Blizzard, but surely it is worth many times that in terms of customer goodwill. It is essentially saying to consumers that their continued patronage means more to the developer than several thousand additional launch day sales – and allows said consumers to continue buying Blizzard products with confidence. This is getting it right.

MULTIPLAYER IS IMPORTANT, U GAIS

Cliffy B Endeavours To Be Even More of a Noxious Weed

Now, an abject lesson on getting it wrong. Cliffy B has this week been sticking his boot into Japanese developers, not in terms of quality (which has admittedly been at a low ebb in recent years), but rather at their churlish refusal to shoe-horn multi-player death match into their games. This douche in human clothing goes on to contend that focusing on the single-player campaign alone is not a valid decision, seeing as tacked on multi-player was such a game-changer for Dead Space 2, Bioshock 2, and Resident Evil 5.

Cliffy B has told Gamasutra that Shadows of the Damned suffered due to a lack of online co-op, and went on to suggest that Platinum Games’ failure to incorporate online deathmatch into Vanquish was nothing less than a crime, gaily tittering that: “If you’re going to make a third-person shooter… the fact that Vanquish didn’t have a multiplayer suite was a crime. That IP, it was pretty good as far as being Western [as though Western design is a virtue in itself], but the gameplay was great. The vibe… and I’ve often said on record that if Gears is the kind of Wild, Wild West coal train chugging along, that Vanquish is the Japanese bullet train, with style and everything. And there is no reason I shouldn’t have been zipping around, doing the mega slides, diving up in the air in an arena with other players.”

If ever an example was needed as to why the video game industry deserves to fail, Cliffy B in his infinite entitlement is surely it. If the central thrust of a gaming property is to provide a tight single-player experience, then what on earth would be the benefit in diverting capital and manpower to produce a mediocre multi-player component? But then it seems to fall to the makers of competent single-player games to be forever sneered at and patronised by people capable of implementing both single and multi-player modes – poorly.

Simple. Addictive.

Defender’s Quest: Valley of the Forgotten is a game recommended via Twitter by the indie RPG pioneer, Robert Boyd. I indulged in the Tower Defense craze with moderation and so I was not feeling sick of the genre. Plus, the RPG hybrid nature of the beast – customizable characters that level-up instead of buildings – had me at least sold on the demo.

It took me three minutes before I paid full price for the game.

I proceeded to log around 15 hours over the next few days, happily losing myself in the strategy and mechanics of the title. Defender’s Quest does so many things right, especially as an indie game.

First, Level Up Labs appears to be well aware that as a relatively unknown studio, they have to be as user-friendly as possible. The demo is extensive and easy to get into, the game itself has helpful but concise tutorials, and the difficulty system is so well-balanced for every type of player that even major studios should take note.

In this way, despite the website – like the game – not being very aesthetically pleasing, both are never overwhelming or confusing.

The game introduces new concepts and classes at the perfect pace and the game’s website is uncluttered and full of friendly, helpful, and amusing information.

This is a prime example of the right attitude to have as a developer. Level Up Labs shows the right balance of being dedicated to their craft while appearing wholly devoted to the satisfaction of their customers.

So much (well-organized) information!

The game has all its bases covered too. While the order of maps is linear, the gameplay is anything but. Players can choose at any time to go back and play old levels to gain some pad on their levels or money, or attempt to challenge a higher difficulty for greater rewards.

Not only that, but while some new spells and characters are added at key story points, the vast majority of a player’s party composition is up to the player herself, along with the party’s abilities and appearance.

This mentality continues to the actual tower defense portions of the game. Despite there being a plethora of options, it is all well-organized and mapped to hotkeys for keyboard-centric players like me. Little convenient touches make all the difference to make the game feel very polished and user-friendly while still really deep.

Not only is it good design, but it is one-of-a-kind as far as I know. I cannot think of another tower defense game like it.

And while the visuals are not really up to snuff, the music certainly is. Defender’s Quest does faux-orchestration correctly by letting the focus be on melody and not just arrangement.

I have not fully completed the game (I keep on replaying it from the beginning instead), so this is not a review, but it is a game I recommend and am absolutely inspired by. This is an indie game done right from almost every angle.

Consider your thirst quenched.

Produced 2012.05.13

In a special feature, Biggs interviews Amanda MacKay. Lusipurr, not to be beaten by his executive officer, interviews SiliconNooB. The result is significantly less informative, but significantly more intoxicating, and EA comes in for a right bollocking.

A light-weight streaming version can be viewed using the plugin below; or a high-quality high-definition version can be viewed by clicking right here.

It is a fact not commonly known that Lusipurr.com is almost entirely funded by anonymous Japanese investors. Over the years, Ethos’ business trips have acquired more and more of these respectable, generous backers–but always on the condition that Ethos continue to return to Japan annually for private shareholder meetings at discrete hotels.

Some may ask what this money goes to; some may wonder where the countless millions go; and some of those people may be amongst the hapless lucky few who get to experience a Lusipurr.com tour first-hand. And today, a little of that reality is made visible to the wider world.

Fun fact: creating a real Tentacool is actually one of our smaller projects. Just wait until we perfect our Mega-Snorlax!

An easy to learn game was especially nice in the NES era, when games tended to be fairly hard.

Simplicity: The Game is Easy to Learn
Tetris is extremely easy to learn. There are only seven tetrimino shapes to learn, and since each tetrimino is only made up of four smaller blocks, the shapes are not particularly complicated. The goal in Tetris is also simple: fill a row on the screen with blocks and that row will be cleared. The basic core mechanics of Tetris are not hard to grasp and take very little time to work. This is absolutely key in a casual experience; for a game to have massive appeal to a non-gaming audience it must be fairly quick and easy to pick up and play. The simplicity of the basic Tetris mechanics makes the game easy to pick up, even for non-gamers, and that is a key part of why Tetris has managed to acquire its popularity.

Difficult to Master: Hours and Hours and Hours of Gameplay
And here is the real beauty of Tetris, especially in its newer iterations. T-Spins, item holding, and drop speed that increases as level increases add complexity to the simple formula. Playing Tetris competitively against others is a great way for a gamer to be humbled; there are some absolutely staggering players out there in the world. Additionally, there are versions of Tetris that are fast enough to provide a huge challenge level; the “Radical” variant of the PSN version of the game and the JP-ONRY Tetris: The Grand Master both spring to mind immediately. Combined with the first point, then, it is easy to see why the Tetris franchise has had such longevity: for new players, the game is easy to learn, but the old players still have room to improve themselves.

Multiplayer is one of the greatest things to happen to the Tetris license.

Dynamicism: The Game is Fun to Play
And of course, the obvious one: Tetris is fun. This is a valid point, however, because so many other casual games are not dynamic and are certainly not fun to play. Mafia Wars is always the same boring thing every time a player revisits it, but no two Tetris games are ever the same and many are not even remotely similar. Tetris manages to do what almost no other casual game since then has managed: Tetris has created an experience that starts off fun and manages to hold up even after dozens of hours. Combined with its easy to learn, difficult to master style of design, it is easy to see then why Tetris has managed to stay popular for over twenty years.

It is no secret that I love Tetris, and now I realize why that is. Like the Pokemon games or Plants vs. Zombies, Tetris manages to be one of very few games to have wide casual appeal while also simultaneously offering up an experience that hardcore gamers will not find disappointing. How many other popular casual games will have anywhere near the longevity that Tetris has managed? In this reviewer’s opinion, the number of casual games as appealing as this one is extremely slim.

Chris 'Boulder Smash' Redfield and Leon 'Not-Totally-Gay' Kennedy

Capcom Profits Down on the Back of Some Decidedly Odd Results

Capcom’s latest fiscal reports show company profits down down 13.8%, and net sales down 16%. Oddly enough these soft results appear to have occurred due to the tepid consumer reception to a couple of critically well-received Capcom fighters, while a couple of lower key titles appear to have beat expectations.

The critically reviled Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City has, against all reason and rationality, posted a frankly unbelievable sales total of 1.7 million units, which should prove heartening for the fourth quarter release of the action oriented Resident Evil 6. It is a little disheartening to see just far a brand name is able to determine game sales. Meanwhile the 3DS remake of the Wii’s Monster Hunter 3, Monster Hunter 3G, performed to a similarly high standard, seeing domestic Japanese sales of 1.6 million units.

On the other hand, it has been Capcom’s high quality fighting games letting down the team. Street Fighter X Tekken has undershot Capcom’s 2,000,000 sales target by 600,000, selling just 1.4 million copies. While Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 did not even reach a million in total sales, with most recent estimates placing sales somewhere in the vicinity of 600,000 copies sold – this figure does not appear to include sales for the version which was released as a Vita launch title. Ultimately, these figures would seem to suggest that Capcom have achieved something close to market saturation with respect to their Street Fighter style games; they may wish to moderate this narrow development focus going forward.

New Mass Effect 3 Ending

EA Reports Fiscal Results for 2011 – Not All of Them Are Good

EA have this week announced their fiscal performance for the year 2011, a set of figures which is broadly positive in its implications. EA has cited the strong performance of Mass Effect 3, SSX, Kingdoms of Amalur and FIFA 12 for returning the company to profitability. EA had posted a $276 million deficit for the previous year, while the 2011 business year saw them take in a cool $76 million in profit. Total digital revenue for the year was up 42% to 1.2 billion dollars on the back of the launch of their Origin download spyware service, Prompting John Riccitiello to pronounce that Origin is now the #2 digital download service with 11 million users to Valve’s 35 million – a travesty given the quality of Good Old Games.

EA’s figures were not unanimously positive however, with reports that active subscribers to their flagship MMO The Old Republic has experienced a precipitous drop of 400,000 since February; from 1.7 million users to a scant 1.3 million. Riccitiello claims that this drop-off is due to casual gamers not renewing their subscriptions, while a solid core of MMO fanatics remains, yet this seems counter-intuitive. It would seem far more likely that serious MMO players would be the first to give it away in favour of returning to their other MMO commitments, while it is the non-core MMO players (enticed by brand loyalty to Star Wars or Bioware) who remain – for now.

A possibility?

Blockbuster List of 25 Wii U Titles is Leaked

Blockbuster’s internal list of twenty-five Wii U titles has been leaked this week, featuring much in the way of PS3 and XBox 360 multi-platform titles. Be forewarned however that Blockbuster has confirmed that much of the list is speculative in nature.

The list in full reads thusly: Aliens: Colonial Marines, Batman: Arkham City, Assassin’s Creed (presumably 3?), Darksiders 2, Dirt 3, Formula 1 All Stars, Game Party, Ghost Recon Online, Just Dance 4, Killer Freaks From Outer Space, Marvel Super Heroes, Metro: Last Light, Monsters Party, New Super Mario Brothers Mii, Ninja Gaiden 3, Rabbids Party Land, Pikmin, Raving Rabbids, Rayman Legends, Shield Pose, Splinter Cell 6, Sports Connection, Tekken, Your Shape 2013, and Zombie.

Should this list prove accurate, then it indicates that Ubisoft have bet big on the Wii U’s fortunes, with Ghost Recon, Splinter Cell, Assassin’s Creed, and no less than three entries from the Rayman family of games being represented on the Wii U. It is also indicative of a line-up which is not altogether likely to illicit much excitement on the part of gamers in general – though the inclusion of Pikmin and New Super Mario Brothers is bound to make a few people quite happy.

I want to crack your nuts!

Welcome to this paragraph, nutcracks! If you are not quite sure what that means, just picture some testicles, then picture an asscrack, then combine the two.

I am truly sorry, that last paragraph was not very friendly. I will be more calm in this paragraph. Promise. In fact, to be extra safe, I will make another paragraph after this to put even more distance between this article and nutcrack references.

I want to talk about something that scares me about the future of gaming. Some people talk about new trends like Online Passes or future consoles using a leasing price structure or trying to lock out used games. While these are scary topics indeed, they are topics about the gaming industry in general and so tend to make my blood boil less than when people discuss changes to the very games themselves.

RPGs, Lusipurr.com’s primary love, are a drowning breed. They have been left behind by Call of Duty in its steamliner, The Sims in its cruise ship, and Bobby Kotick on a jetski made of money. How did he get a jetski made entirely of money to have a working engine and work on water? He spent a lot of money on it.

It is important to note that a drowning man is not dead. He can flail his arms, he can attempt to swim, and sometimes he will even take a full glorious breath of fresh air without getting a single drop of water in his lungs.

Not a jetski, but I couldn't turn this picture down

See, in this metaphor, the breath of fresh air represents a good game and the water represents sucking.

Let me please get away from these barely passable nautical metaphors to finally get to the crux of my point. I have read many articles in the past few years that try to come up with ways to “fix” the RPG. And I am talking traditional JRPGs here, we all know that Mass Effect, Fallout, and Skyrim are doing just fine.

These articles make me want to strangle children. And I like children! Without fail, the article will start with some half-baked claim about how nobody wants RPGs to turn into Call of Duty and then proceed to exactly detail what it would take to turn RPGs into Call of Duty.

It is perfectly fine (sorta) if you prefer other genres, but there is nothing wrong with menus and numbers. I – and many others – loved poring over the materia system in Final Fantasy VII. Likewise, I have fond memories of tooling around in the menus of Final Fantasy IX, X-2, XII, Skies of Arcadia, Blue Dragon, and most recently Tales of Graces f. Do not try to tell me that these games would be better without so much dicking around in the menus. That is why I like these games! Or a large part anyway. It is a giant part of what makes them games.

We have countless quality RPGs with the menu and number aspect played down. Action RPGs, mostly. They are lovely, but they are not better. They are different. What happened to celebrating diversity, huh gamers? What the crap is wrong with you? STOP TRYING TO MESS AROUND WITH MY RPGS! Let the cranky drowning man be in peace as he slowly dies in a peaceful tomb of menus.

I do not honestly know how I expected those drowning and tomb metaphors be reconciled, because they most definitely did not.

And now I am going to stop writing.

Her name is Seska, not Kim.

Produced 2012.05.06

Deimosion and Lusipurr attempt to discuss the opinions of Shigeru Miyamoto and Markus Persson, but Bup disrupts the reporting with a bumper crop of non-news. When SiliconNooB finally makes his own tardy appearance, the podcast truly goes off the rails.

This is a picture of a vaguely German anime girl with a cat. That's how this works, right?

Microsoft Get Told ‘Nein’

It was blue balls for Microsoft this week, as their semi-flaccid legal defence was promptly spat out of a German court, and they were left to walk off a rather unsatisfying bollocksing. In summary, it was determined that Microsoft had infringed upon two Motorola patents necessary to provide H.264 video coding and playback, and thus Motorola were awarded an injunction against Microsoft’s selling of the Windows 7 operating system and their XBox 360 console in German territories – a move which could see Microsoft recalling and destroying all such product if Motorola elect to enforce the injunction. It would seem that Microsoft have been given a stay of execution of sorts, with a US court banning Motorola from enforcing the action until it can deliberate upon this turn of events next week, yet this respite promises to be fleeting.

Motorola’s stance in the face of these favourable findings appears at first glance to be a reasonable one – stating that they have no problem with Microsoft using their intellectual property provided that they are remunerated with a nominal fee each time it is used – yet the complexion of the situation begins to look a little different when one considers that Motorola are currently fighting fifty discrete licensing claims with respect to Microsoft’s product. Microsoft have estimated that it would cost them four billion dollars annually to purchase all of the licenses that Motorola are demanding of them. Microsoft for their part are sounding relatively bullish about their prospects for an appeal, stating: “This is one step in a long process, and we are confident that Motorola will eventually be held to its promise to make its standard essential patents available of fair and reasonable terms for the benefit of consumers who enjoy video on the web. Motorola is prohibited from acting on today’s decision, and our business in Germany will continue as usual while we appeal this decision and pursue the fundamental issue of Motorola’s broken promise.” While one finds the prospect of Microsoft being locked out of the German market to be more than agreeable, it is nonetheless disheartening to bear witness to yet another episode of the tit-for-tat bullshit that is the international patent wars.

I think I know what it feels like to be Biggs now.

FPS Games No Longer Profitable – True Fact

FPS video games ceased to be profitable this week with the frank admission from Steve Ellis that no one actually buys FPS games unless they are Call of Duty titles. Ellis who co-founded Free Radical Design, makers of the well received FPS game Haze, claims that in 2008 (following the release of Haze) no publisher was willing to sign up for bankrolling Timesplitters 4 on account of the game not adhering to the Call of Duty template. “I spent the whole of 2008 going round talking to publishers trying to sign up Timesplitters 4, there just isn’t the interest there in doing anything that tries to step away from the rules of the genre – no one wants to do something that’s quirky and different, because it’s too much of a risk. And a large part of that is the cost of doing it.”

It is quite unthinkable that a team with such an illustrious game catalogue as Free Radical, the masterminds behind Second Sight, could not manage to get such a promising project green-lit, but Ellis explains “Nobody really buys any FPSes unless they’re called Call of Duty. I guess Battlefield did okay, but aside from that pretty much every FPS loses money. I mean, [look at] Crysis 2: great game, but there’s no way it came anywhere close to recouping its dev costs.”

It really is quite upsetting that Crysis 2 was unable to turn a profit despite shifting 2.5 million copies – but then one supposes that this is the reason that no one is making FPS games any more. Oh well, C’est la vie Crysis 3, it was not to be.

This one isn't even pretending to be relevant to the news story.

Microsoft to release $99 XBox (not in Germany) – there is a catch

In a move that would make any telemarketer proud, Microsoft looks to be getting ready to announce an XBox 360/Kinect bundle for the low, low price of $99 – but there is one small catch. A $99 XBox may look like a tantalising prospect on the face of it, yet deals which appear too good to be true often are, and this XBox bundle comes with a $15 per month subscription fee for two years – an arrangement fettered with termination fees.

To the cash strapped gamer the ability to defer part of the payment for a new XBox might sound a tempting offer, but anyone would do well to consider what they are getting for money – A two year subscription would find the bundle costing a hefty $459. Consider further the fact that Microsoft are on the verge of releasing their XBox successor, and suddenly this does not appear to be such a good deal.

Given the timing, it seems likely that this bundle may in fact be the beta test for a possible XBox 720 pricing structure – this is an alarming prospect in itself if one considers the implications. If this pricing model proves successful will anyone even own their gaming consoles in ten years time, or will we have to lease them from the manufacturer?

As another playthrough trundles to its monumentally anticlimatic conclusion, the staff of Lusipurr.com have begun to manifest symptoms of fatigue, restlessness, and a total inability to hit a barn door with the patent X-G-9000 Santa Dissimulator. Luckily, the playthrough only lasted a fortnight, or the world would have been plagued with the loss of our articles and podcasts, and the returned annual appearance of an obese man in a red coat who improbably manages to deliver presents to all of the greedy children in the world in a single night.

There is a light in the darkness, however. Lusipurr has decided that Dirge of Cerberus has warranted a review–so you may expect that to be forth coming next week. Think of it as the first-ever “Playthrough Wrap-Up”; if successful, it may be followed by more!

The acquisition in question is an album, and what a record it is; I found it perched atop a thoroughly awful end table selling for $70(!) that appeared to have had unfortunate run-ins with both a flooded basement and the 70s. The record came nestled in a crate, surrounded by a recording of an utter charlatan covering Johnny Cash’s jailhouse rock sessions and another of a collaborative effort between Bob Dylan and Gene Simmons, which surely qualifies as abortion in musical form if ever anything did. One might expect, then, that everything in this crate was awful, and that does come close, I am afraid; there were reams of disco, scads of terrible folk recordings, and not a few Sonny and Cher records, which raises the question of why anyone, upon inflicting this music upon themselves once, would thereafter return for a second, third, and fourth helping, and then stick it in a crate with the rest of this crap and give it away so that other people might also experience their agony.

The Album in Question

Having said that, however, there was one record that caught my eye: it purported to be ‘Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band‘, but this proved not to be the case; the item in my hand was a much grimmer relic of a bygone age than that. What I had come upon was a cover of Sgt. Pepper, done (apparently) for a film by the Bee Gees and a clutch of other people who have no business touching the Beatles’ work, including George Burns(for reference, he would still have been old at the time of this recording), Aerosmith (playing Come Together, for whatever reason), Peter Frampton, Alice Cooper, Billy Preston, and in a crowning tour de force, comedian Steve Martin doing Maxwell’s Silver Hammer, which I find especially egregiously awful since I have seen his musical stylings before and they are nothing I would want near what was my favorite childhood song (I assume, at any rate; my record player is either somewhere in my mom’s basement or else was appropriated by my sister, so in either case I have yet to play the album.)

So I guess there is that. You might be wondering at this point what relevance any of this has to this site; this is a valid question, to be sure, but it got me to thinking about the parallels between music and games, and the trend in recent years of development houses coughing up teams that then go on to form their own companies and start the cycle anew. Rock music and gaming are two different media, obviously, but at this point in time, we are far enough into the existence of gaming as a medium that it is possible to call the 70s through the early 90s the classic era. This being the case, it makes me wonder; do remakes of older games, which have proliferated in recent years, constitute something similar to these godawful cover songs? Does the movement between development houses of these game designers bear similarity to the trend towards the formation of superbands using the castaway members of classic rock outfits? I mean, at first glance there are differences; for instance, in gaming the development teams do not tend to flame out in a spiral of cocaine and licentious carryings-on after their best work is behind them, but surely mindless sequels have a similarly soul-destroying power, and if one is going to brand gaming a creative medium, which is a premise I once firmly believed in but am now slightly less convinced of, then one must grant that there is some merit to this notion!

I would also tend to consider remakes in this light; just as genres change over time in music, so too do gaming genres continually refine themselves and add new elements while discarding the older ones in the name of whatever particular style of interface is popular at a given time. One need look no further than the ubiquity of achievements to see how a seemingly innocuous addition to gaming has suddenly taken on such importance that few games do not contain some sort of system of gathering trophies of accomplishment, questionable or otherwise. These tweaks and evolutions are continuously applied, and while in the late 90s and 2000s a graphical remake was often sufficient to qualify as a total overhaul of a game, here too we have seen some changes as games have returned to the fore in the hands of different development teams, ending up with not only sharper visuals but also cleaned-up translations and new mechanics that (in theory) strengthen the gameplay experience.

So perhaps Frankie Howerd reworking Mean Mr. Mustard does have some relevance to the current state of game design. Granted, I am not entirely familiar with who Frankie Howerd *is*, but if it is this guy then that is surely no different from a DS remake of a SNES game that nobody wanted to play in the first place. I railed against the trend towards endless remakes after its initial wave yielded some truly awful games that were little more than cash grabs, and I remain unconvinced that they are anything more than evidence that serialization and its concomitant sense of financial certainty have resulted in there being much less risk taken in game design now, but when viewed in this light, perhaps there is one more reason why developers choose to go this route.

The first game I would like to talk about is Bastion. Two other staffers (or former staffers) have reviewed this one already, and there is not much I can add to it. Many people have described Bastion as one of the best games of recent years, and I certainly agree. It may be worth it to wait on Bastion as it tends to go on sale fairly often; console gamers could also pick this one up for the 360. Bastion is an action title with some RPG elements and very solid gameplay. The actual narrative may not be revolutionary, but the method in which the story is told is phenomenal. The story of Bastion is told entirely through narration by one of the game’s few characters and is extremely well-paced, with the full plot of the game being revealed bit-by-bit. Buy this game, readers. It is definitely worth it.

''Capitalism, ho!'' is just one of many great lines from Recettear.

Recettear: an Item Shop’s Tale is another game to receive a Lusipurr.com review, and another game that hopefully most of the people reading this article have already played. Recettear is a wonderful little game that fuses shop-running with action-RPG dungeon crawler and does both surprisingly well. The game tells the story of Recette Lemongrass, a debt-stricken girl, and her fairy companion Tear, a loan shark. The two of them come up with the idea of running an item shop to pay off the massive debt Recette’s missing father left her with, and the two convert Recette’s house into a store to do it. The dungeon-crawling is one of the ways in which Recette obtains inventory for the shop. Anime fans in particular are highly advised to check out this one; Recettear has a very anime-esque humor and storytelling style, as well as anime-styled graphics. Helping a child escape homelessness has never been so fun or so adorable.

No, Cthulhu, that's not a problem at all.

Zeboyd Games’ follow-up to Breath of Death VII, Cthulhu Saves the World, is a refreshingly classic Dragon Quest-like RPG. CStW has players taking the role of Lovecraft’s abomination as he –surprise surprise– is forced to go out and save the world in order to regain his powers. Gamers who liked the original Breath of Death VII should definitely play CtSW, and indeed anyone who bought the first game on Steam already has the follow-up. Cthulhu Saves the World uses the exact same battle system as the first; enemies start at a baseline power and get stronger as battles go on, party members regain all of their health and a few MP at the end of battles, and upon leveling, there are two options for how a character will gain stats or abilities, with the player being forced to choose. Cthulhu Saves the World also takes its predecessor’s refreshing random battle mechanics: the player can initiate random battles in dungeons by using the menu to seek them or by walking around, and once the player has fought enough battles in an area, the battles will no longer appear while walking. I highly recommend that fans of early Dragon Quest titles looking for a traditional-styled RPG drop the $3 it takes to get a Steam copy of Cthulhu Saves the World, especially since Breath of Death VII comes with it.

Half-Life's graphics hold up remarkably well for something made in 1999.

One final game I feel worth talking about is the original Half-Life. This game has held up unbelievably well, thanks mainly in part to Valve’s excellent Steam support of the game. Despite being close to thirteen years old, Half-Life runs almost perfectly on modern computers; the occasional hang-up when loading into new areas is the only real issue with running the game. Half-Life is one series with which any hardcore gamer should have at least passing familiarity; it is simply one of the greatest FPS’s ever made. Gordon Freeman’s adventure through the Black Mesa facilities and beyond admittedly falls apart in the last hour or so, but the journey up to that point is one that still holds up as an excellent gaming experience, even today.

Well, readers, I hope you have enjoyed this article. If you have not, then by all means let me know. I highly recommend that any reader who has not played these four games look into them; every one of these games was a game I thoroughly enjoyed playing through. Until next week, readers!

Vexing Devil

Magic: The Gathering has long been a part of my life. I can scarcely recall when my life was not littered with beautifully illustrated cards that appeared in my wallet, in my car, on my desk, shoved into a book as a bookmark. It was one of the few hobbies that my brothers, my sister, and I shared. A very generous Chrstimas gift plunged us back into the habit and now my Friday nights are filled with tournaments, candy, and good company.

Avacyn Restored, the latest and greatest Magic: The Gathering expansion hits shelves this week and brings with it two new mechanics: Miracle and Soulbond. I thought I would take a moment to share my thoughts. These are the thoughts of a casual player who loses more than she wins and has fun as long as some elitist isn’t going on about stacks, priorities, end steps, double steps, quick steps, and so on.

The first of the new mechanics is Miracle. Certain Instants and Soreceries have an alternative (aka CHEAP) cost that can be used to play the card if it was the first drawn that turn. I am no rules junky, but the first thought that popped into my head when my sister showed me this particular spoiler was “what the fuck, more shit I need to keep track of.” I was afraid of cheaters. I was afraid of letting the card hit my hand only to think “FUCK NO WHAT DID I JUST DO!?” And now, a few weeks later, I realize that this may just add an interesting new twist to the game. Sort of like remembering to flip my Delver.

Honestly, I am a little more interested in the new Soulbond ability than I am miracle cards (which makes little sense as the deck I am playing now has very few creatures). When a creature with Soulbond enters the field players can choose to pair it with another creature, granting bonus abilities to each. Interesting, yes?

I guess when it comes down to it a casual player like me does not have a lot to say. I missed the pre-release (though my brother and sister brought back several angels to add to my collection). It will be nice to add some new cards to the mix on Friday nights, because after three months of playing the same cards and the same decks the new set is a bit like a breath of fresh air.

A stand-up dude.

I had run out of all of my prepared questions and I decided to riff a little bit to milk every minute I had with him. I turned the conversation to more casual topics and asked him what his favourite games of the year had been so far. I was incredibly surprised to find that he had barely played a game the entire year. How could a man so entrenched in the industry be so unaware of even the most critically acclaimed titles of the year?

I understood that he had to have been busy, but after such a long time, I figured he must have been able to find ways to play the very things that drove him to work so hard every day.

I am a very far cry from Warren Spector. I have some art assets, a pile of .txt and .doc files, unfinished code, and enough e-mails to fill a galaxy. Hardly the same as a legendary portfolio of incredibly influential titles. Yet, I think I can start to glimpse the sort of obsession that comes hand-in-hand with development. Gamers are so fiercely dedicated to their medium because they know the power it holds. Indeed, they have felt it themselves.

So now that I am starting to see my own game take form, there is the smallest of sparks. It speaks of the possibilities of a well-created game. It speaks of being able to maybe – if I am lucky – provide the same excitement and joy in other gamers that has been given to me countless times.

And then that’s it.

That is enough to forget about actually playing games for the next hit of their unique magic. It becomes an obsession in the endless pursuit to create that magic.

Of course I will never stop playing games, but is it somewhat of a weight off my shoulders to now feel like work on Lusipurr’s Fountain of Perpetual Disappointment is not limiting my capacity to be a gamer.

I may not technically even be a developer yet, but everybody has to start somewhere.

This game is clearly not Super Smash Bros.

Produced 2012.04.29

SiliconNooB and Deimosion join forces with Lusipurr to talk about many games that are definitely not Super Smash Bros., but which almost certainly include two different types of girl-centrered games. Surprise: the one about amputees is the good one!

Moe moe force choke!

EA Tightens its Belt as Electronic Bioarts Stares into the Abyss

Bioware this week denied that there has been a drop-off in player participation in their struggling MMORPG The Old Republic, even as they indicated an imminent merging of servers and moved to provide players with an additional free month of game subscription. Many are suggesting that The Old Republic‘s population has probably peaked at 1.7 million payers, and is set to decline from here on out. Bioware contends that The Old Republic has been a success for EA, and that a stagnating player-base is merely the result of players gaming exclusively during off-peak times; what speaks louder however, is talk of EA laying off anywhere between five hundred and a thousand employees due to the disappointing sales performance of The Old Republic and Battlefield 3.

If this turn of events was not dramatic enough South Korean MMO publisher Nexon, the publisher of Maple Story, is allegedly looking at launching a takeover bid against EA, an unlikely albeit delicious prospect. News of a possible takeover caused EA’s stock, which had been languishing at a fifty-two week low, to shoot up by 8.1% to $16.23 per share. While things may be looking a tad grim for EA, they will no doubt be looking to turn things around today with the launch of their flagship MMORPG, The Old Republic, into thirty-eight additional countries, including the lucrative markets of Afghanistan and Yemen. Somewhere right now Bobby Kotick is wearing a smile that would not look out of place on a cat.

Pictured: two seconds before death and yelling.

Another Headless Moral Panic For the Sheep of Gaming

“In an article published by the Atlantic earlier this month, writer Taylor Clark posited that ‘video games, with very few exceptions, are dumb’ “, writes Jason Schreier with the bristling faux outrage which lends itself to the witless rabble rousing that Kotaku readers have come to prefer. To wit the latest carcass to be swarmed by the Gawker owned tabloid gaming rag, Kotaku, is the latest moral panic engendered in the gaming public due to the fact that some journalist somewhere said some mean things about gaming. This savage blow to the integrity of gaming has been enough to compel the ironically named Brainy Gamer site to collate a large database of “smart” games, the purpose of which is to refute the harsh insinuations of one Mr. Taylor Clark. To elicit such a hysterical response the article penned by Clark must have been very harsh indeed one would have to figure – well, as it turns out that is simply not the case.

Taylor Clark’s article The Most Dangerous Gamer may be rife with hyperbole, but a slander piece it is not. Rather it is an article chronicling the rise of auteur game designer par arrogance Jonathan blow, even as it looks to the potential of the interactive medium while bemoaning the toilet that is commercial gaming. In fact much of the article reads like Jonathan Blow speaking through the tips of Clark’s fingers, whilst having his message garbled somewhat by being filtered through the generalisations and exaggerations of a journalist who is ignorant of the subject about which he speaks. Much of the criticism levelled by the Clark’s article toward the gaming industry appears to closely mirror Blow’s own art-centric gaming prejudices, making him a much more likely candidate for gamer ire – but then that would spoil the ‘us versus them’ narrative of the story.

All of this is irrelevant however, as what does it really matter that a non-gamer should see artistic merit in the medium? Watching gamers start petitions and build databases in order to refute the slings and barbs of an indifferent media is rather like seeing a grown man tackle a toddler after being called a big poopy head – this more than anything else reflects very poorly on the video gaming industry and culture. It is futile, as reams of evidence can be gathered and presented without the naysayers ever possessing the faculties sufficient to weigh it on its merits and concede the point to butthurt gamers. More importantly it indicates an extreme lack of confidence on the part of gamers toward their recreation of choice, which really serves to cast doubt on their contention that gaming is a serious pursuit; so perhaps Jonathan Blow makes a good point afterall.

I'm helping! I'm helping!

XBox Live Receives a Substantial Update in the Form of More Advertisements

Experts recommend that gamers should spend fifteen minutes of every hour taking a break, and so keen is Microsoft to enact this recommendation that they have become the envy of hyperbolic health professionals everywhere by moving to impose even more advertising upon the users of their paid online service, to ensure that they are given adequate time to take a break from their gaming. For gamer’s $60 annual subscription they can expect to gain access to adverts running between fifteen and thirty seconds a piece embedded in many popular XBox 360 applications.

In an interview with Gamasutra Microsoft’s Ross Honey stated “With the growth of XBox Live, advertisers no longer have to choose between digital and TV advertising – we’re offering the impact of TV and the interactivity and addressability of digital in one platform. As more and more industry leaders like ESPN work with us to help monetize their content on XBox Live, TV media buyers win with the ability to extend their standard TV spots to this highly engaged consumer audience.” Microsoft wins, advertiser wins, everybody wins!

It is genuinely heartening to see that Microsoft are so in tune with their users, by which one means advertisers. All one can say is that with all this great high quality content on offer it is good to see that Sony have managed to remain somewhat competitive by offering their comparatively meagre online services completely free of charge.

The sight of uncomfortable orange chairs and wobbly desks can only mean one thing: another Lusipurr.com playthrough!

Hear the gurgling of mirth from everyone assembled! See the unblinking eyes, dewy with joy! Note the expressions of unrestrained joy firmly glued to the face-parts of every Lusipurr.com staff members! Note the large bottle of glue and the photographs of joyous smiles! This is how HAPPINESS is found and maintained; held-fast in a vicelike death grip which no one and nothing can escape from now and forever. NO ESCAPE.

Ahhh, Reeve. You make it all worthwhile.

If nothing else, Advent Children looks fantastic.

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, a CGI anime movie, was released in late 2005 in Japan and early 2006 worldwide, and is set about two years after the original game. Advent Children follow Cloud and company as they seek to uncover the mystery behind “Geostigma”, a mysterious disease that has begun spreading after the fall of Midgar at the end of Final Fantasy VII. As this is occurring, three mysterious silver-haired men seem to be planning another JENOVA reunion. Advent Children has received largely positive reviews from the fanbase, though there are many who feel the movie’s plot an unnecessary addition to the series. Advent Children was re-released in 2009 on the extended Advent Children Complete Blu-Ray, which added almost a half-hour of new footage and tweaked the film’s story and fight scenes. Whatever one’s opinion of the film, it is clear that Advent Children was a successful movie, and it is easy to see why Squeenix was not gettin’ off of that train they were on.

Vincent Valentine shoots down planes with a handgun and does not give a damn.

As Lusipurr.com readers are no doubt aware by now, another sequel, Dirge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII, was released for the PlayStation 2. Set one year after the events of Advent Children, Dirge of Cerberus follows optional Final Fantasy VII teammate Vincent Valentine and his fight against the organization, “Deepground”. Dirge of Cerberus largely received middling-to-poor reviews due to its massive departure from the gameplay elements of the series and the fact that the game itself simply was not well-constructed. Unlike other Final Fantasy titles, Dirge of Cerberus is a third person shooter, drawing more in its gameplay from Devil May Cry than from Final Fantasy VII. However, I should have to say very little about DoC; every Lusipurr.com reader should be midway through their own playthrough of the game, after all! Dirge of Cerberus is extremely cheap due to a lack of demand, so every Lusipurr.com reader should pick up a copy immediately! But with that out of the way, let us now move on and discuss another piece of the compilation.

Crisis Core's leveling seems random at first, but there is actually an experience point system working behind the scenes that determines whether or not Zack can gain more levels.

The long-awaited Crisis Core -Final Fantasy VII- made its way to Japanese PSPs in summer of 2007, with the worldwide releases hitting in mid-2008. Crisis Core is set in the years leading up to the original Final Fantasy VII and finally tells the story of Zack Fair, a man who received almost no screentime in the original game while being an instrumental part of the plot. Crisis Core also brings as part of its plot a more detailed look at Sephiroth’s descent into madness and at Cloud’s time as a soldier. Gameplay-wise, Crisis Core is an Action-RPG that uses a slot-reel system to dole out its Limit Breaks and its level-ups. As a general rule, Crisis Core was well-received, with critics and normal fans alike speaking very highly of Zack’s likability and the game’s storytelling as a whole. This was a game many people felt needed to be made, and Final Fantasy VII fans now finally have their long-desired backstory.

There are other compilation entries, but the three explored in this article are really the only important ones. Advent Children, Dirge of Cerberus, and Crisis Core, for better or worse, expand upon the original Final Fantasy VII story to the point where FFVII is now its own series within the larger series. With Advent Children Complete finished, one might think the compilation over, but Tetsuya Nomura apparently still has ideas, and it seems unlikely that Square-Enix would let Final Fantasy VII die without milking it for all that they can. It may seem like I have a cynical view of Square-Enix and Nomura…but remember, readers, Kingdom Hearts. In any case, we have reached the end of this week’s piece, so until next week, this is Daniel “Deimosion” Flink, signing off.

Houndoom and I pretty much dress the same.

I have never quite understood the habits of Pokémon trainers. I supposed they are a little like Magic players, somewhere between socially awkward and elitist bitches. Not that I’m complaining. Still, it seems a strange affair to be approached by another trainer in the various Pokemon worlds. After charging up to you with little exclamation points over their heads, many trainers then accuse you of challenging them.

Sort of like…

Thea trudges along through the blizzard. There is only one thing within the wide world that she likes less than struggling through snow, and that is driving in the rain. Fortunately, hardcore trainers only ride bikes. The shivering trainer is clad in little more than a pair of sandals and a hoodie bedecked in skulls. She ran out of cigarettes hours ago and would just about kill for a hot chocolate and a warm bed. She can hardly remember the last time she showered, or the last time she encountered someone over the age of 12.

“My pokemon aren’t meant for this cold!” she thinks. “Why did I ever let myself fall into this money-grabbing kiddie hobby.”

As she walks along, minding her own business, another trainer storms up to her. There are exclamation points in his eyes.

“What!? You want to challenge me!?” he exclaims.

“No, not really,” Thea stammers, teeth chattering. “I’m just looking for the Gym so I can go the fuck home.”

“Go! Snover!”

“Listen, I really don’t want to challenge you. My level 100-something Houndoom will kill the fucking Snover you just caught in one hit.”

Thea is buffeted by hail.

“Oh fine… Go Doomy! Use Fire Fang!”

Critical Hit! It’s super effective!

“I can’t believe you defeated me!”

“Just give me my damned money, bitch.”

Thea defeats Skier Morgan! She shoves her hands back into her pockets and wishes she chose a more practically dressed avatar for this particular playthrough.

I suppose this is why I would not make a very effective trainer. I guess I will stick to Magic where the pairings are handed to me and the biggest problem I have to deal with is knowing when to scoop.

Goodnight.

Picture of Ethos writing this article

I take my PSP to the toilet to try and cram in hours of either attempting to complete games I have not yet quite completed (Lunar, Final Fantasy VI), or attempting to get my yearly dose of nostalgia for old favourites (Final Fantasy IX, Final Fantasy VII). I find myself sitting on the can for twenty minutes despite only needing to be there for twenty seconds.

It makes me wonder: Why not just take twenty minutes out of my day to dedicate to guilt-free handheld gaming?

Also included in the past fortnight are my attempts to get through the two unfinished RPGs that I have found compelling so far this year, Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning and Tales of Graces f. The former I have not played once this month, and the latter I only find myself playing if I have given up on the day and climb into bed a few hours earlier than I normally might.

Why not let gaming be a regular guilt-free activity?

It would appear that I have reached that awful stage of my life when my subconscious is telling me I do not have time for gaming. It is utter bullshit, of course. Gaming is the activity that drives my passion. Not just to create my own game, but to inspire me to write music, to pursue other creative passions, and to share discussion with fellow gamers.

Gaming is rarely a waste of time for those of us who have the medium in our blood. All things in moderation, yes, but that also means that we should never cut out the activity entirely either.

This is a short article, and one without much point because I need to jet off to work. But I suppose at its core, it is a re-commitment to my passion. Yes, it might be bad to game to the point when I am not eating or working on LFoPD, but it is almost worse to not game to the point when I can hardly remember the last meaningful session I had with one.

What about you, Lusi-Sprites? Are you also crotchety about getting older and having responsibility?

Exclusive Cid Artwork from the upcoming Final Fantasy VIII

Produced 2012.04.22

Digging back into the mists of time, Lusipurr uses his Chrono Trigger to uncover a podcast from the early days of the internet, predating Lusipurr.com, broadband, both the PlayStation3 and PlayStation2, the iPod and iPhone, and the word ‘podcast’ itself!

Dirge of Cerberus US Box Art

Lusipurr.com is pleased to present a Spring 2012 feature: Springtime for Cerberus: A Dirge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII Playthrough.

Released for the PlayStation 2 in Japan in January of 2006 and in North America the following August, Dirge of Cerberus received mixed reviews. The second release in the Compilation of Final Fantasy VII metaseries, Dirge was SquareEnix’s first attempt at the shooter genre. With roleplaying elements and real-time action inspired by Devil May Cry and Resident Evil, many JRPG fans viewed the title with understandable confusion.

Set three years after the culmination of Final Fantasy VII, Dirge follows the story of the mysterious ex-Turk Vincent Valentine. Targetted by an organisation which seeks to unleash a massively destructive force, Vincent must leap into battle, guns blazing, to once again save the planet from the forces which threaten it. Along the way, he is assisted by his former comrades who, once again, unite for the preservation of their world.

This is the last week of our two-week playthrough, in which we will aim to complete the second half of the game (roughly after the fifth or sixth hour). Use the comments thread to discuss where you are, strategies for battles, and your opinions about how things have changed, improved, or entirely shifted in action, roleplaying, and first-person console games since the original release six years ago. What do you think of the music, the graphics, the controls, and the translation? Has Dirge held up, or is it merely an antiquated relic which shows the growing pains of SquareEnix? Were the reviews justified–is it as bad as some say, or are there hidden depths?

You can also join the official Lusipurr.com Skype chat for our playthrough, where you can converse live with other participants. Simply add the user ‘Lusipurr’ on Skype, and send a message to be invited to the Dirge of Cerberus chat.

So, we now invite you to join Lusipurr.com as we return to the world of Final Fantasy VII in Dirge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII!