Have you ever found yourself in a situation where simply owning every iteration of a favorite game left a void that could only be filled with merchandise affiliated with that game? If you have, then you may have purchased a few of the myriad video game collectible merchandise – figurines, posters, body pillows (I’m looking at you, Adeki) etc. – available. I certainly have!
My own merchandise journey began with a resolution to fill my apartment with as much useless junk as possible during my formative years, with eBay my companion through this dark time. It should be noted that years later, upon purchasing a house, I continued this pursuit in all haste with the acquisition of more useless junk than I will ever admit, though (foolishly, of course) very little of it was proper video game merchandise. For it is not enough to collect multiple copies of favorite games along with multiple identical consoles to play them on, as these look rather messy on a shelf and our best hidden from public View (lest the shame become too great to bear). Figurines are my favorite video game merchandise category, and after looking into – and being frightened by the high prices of – some original Final Fantasy VII collectibles, my first purchases were of Final Fantasy IX figurines from Bandai. This ‘Extra Soldier’ series was not limited to Final Fantasy IX, of course, but I will not go into the impressive FF VIII collection also available. But there is more to video game merchandise than this, and the current leader has to be Nintendo.
Nintendo might have attractive (and functional) Amiibo statues for many popular video game characters, but this was obviously not always the case, as Amiibo (or possibly Amiibi? Amiibos?) are a very recent creation, introduced in 2014. Of these NONE CAN COMPARE to the amazing Cloud Amiibo, whose legend has only grown with a dominant performance in this summer’s blockbuster Smash tourney. There is an Amiibo to surprise and delight almost any video gamer, but not all of course. Not even Nintendo is perfect. So what if one were to fancy a game that is not represented by an Amiibo? Even if a game is represented, it is a sad truth that not every character will be. As readers may have guesed Final Fantasy is this author’s personal favorite video game series, and fans of the games are aware of the large casts of characters in, for instance, the PlayStation era games. Cloud makes a fine Amiibo (I bought the one pictured and treasure it), but what of Barret? And Tifa? Or that cat on a big white thing? No. Not an Amiibo for these, and understandably so, as just Cloud of the FF characters is featured in Super Smash Bros. (An oversight which displeases me greatly.)
Let me be honest. There was an ulterior motive to this week’s editorial, and it may not be readily apparent: I want a Lusipurr Amiibo. It is that simple. Lusipurr has been featured in a video game already, and another is upcoming. But the Fountain of Perpetual Disappointment lives up to its name as NO FIGURINE OF LUSIPURR EXISTS TO THIS DAY. That is total BS, and I am not afraid to say it. In fact, I am no longer afraid to say anything. Why? Good question, but it has a sad answer…
And now, dear reader, we come to the end of what has been my final editorial for Lusipurr.com. I know what you must be saying, and you are very sweet. No, I cannot replace Lusipurr and transform the site into Sebahamut.com. I tried. So, as family life and other responsibilities render me unable to continue as an active staff member, I can only offer to remain forever in the hearts and minds of the readers who read and commented, or simply read and did not comment, or commented without reading, or neither read nor commented but listened to podcasts in which I participated, or watched one of my ‘unforgettable’ Lusipurr.com Twitch streams (check the streaming calendar on the right side of your page for current listings). To anyone who enjoyed or simply tolerated any of my content during the last year here at Lusipurr.com, I thank you. You words will no doubt touch me in the comments below, and I hope somewhat innapropriately. For, after all, is not sex the great motivator for almost every pursuit in life? I was certainly not motivsted by money, though I did try to convince Lusipurr to pay me outrageous sums often enough. In this vein, your generous personal gifts will be well received, and I thank you in advance.
In all seriousness, I was a reader and podcast fan long before I ever sold my soul to write for Lusipurr (I bet you think I am joking), and I will continue to read and comment. We need the encouragement, as even a single reader comment on a post made it all seem worthwhile in the past year. Thanks again. I remain your lovable and totally unskilled video game editorialist (a real word, I assure you), Sebahamut. Farewell!