Editorial: Branded Beauties

Brands, whether they be used to advertise soft drinks or mark a cow with initials, are liked by many people who are affected by them every single day. Not only this, but many people are also affected by video games quite often as well, especially if they read websites pertaining to the topic of video games. So, it is only logical that some brands would want to team up with developers to get the good word of their snack or drink to the masses through the medium of video games. This editorial will cover three of the greatest branded video games ever made, nay, crafted, for the purpose of enjoyment and advertisement at the exact same time.

Maybe this game is why all the Zero Escape games are super scary.

A Pepsiman, on a Pepsi Quest.

The man, the myth, the legend, Pepsiman was released in March of 1999 for the PlayStation as a low-budget title meant to advertise the glory that is Pepsi. This low-budget makes itself prominent through the inclusion of bizarre live action cutscenes of someone drinking Pepsi included in order to pad the game’s length. Often compared to games like Crash Bandicoot, or Temple Run, the titular hero is constantly running forward through the streets of San Francisco (and in some instances living rooms) in his quest to give someone a refreshing can of Pepsi. Cans of Pepsi are also scattered throughout each of the four stages so the player can score even more points so that they can brag to their friends that they have the high score on the critically acclaimed Pepsiman. Ridiculousness aside, Pepsiman is also the very first game that visual novel writer Kotaro Uchikoshi ever worked on. Although he was hired to work on video game versions of board games, he instead got stuck with creating the 3D models of Pepsiman and later went on to direct the cult hit, Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors along with other games in the “Zero Escape” series. Unfortunately, Pepsiman never saw a western release and did not sell well at all. But hope always finds a way, and maybe one day Pepsiman will return from his caffeinated slumber.

Believe it or not, but this is easily the best game included in this editorial.

Crabs, the natural enemy of Cool Spot.

Next up is the game Cool Spot which released on any console it could be on back in August of 1994, which starred the 7-Up mascot known as Cool Spot. In this platformer, Cool Spot must venture around several locations in order to free other cool spots from the cages that they were inexplicably put inside of. This can only be done by collecting enough spots around the stages which are both scattered and guarded by enemies with various and horrific designs. Not only this, but each stage contains a secret letter which can be found and then used to continue in the event of a game over. When joined together these letters either spell out the word “UNCOLA,” the slogan of 7-Up, or VIRGIN, as a way to be cruel. Not really, Cool Spot was just developed by the now defunct studio Virgin Games, who made the lesser-known Cool Spot predecessors, Spot: The Video Game and Spot: The Cool Adventure. Although, Cool Spot is assuredly the best game out of all the games featuring him as the protagonist, it is even fun at some points! Just like Pepsiman, it has been a long time since the one and only Cool Spot saw the light of day, although the red dot is still prominent on each can of 7-Up.

There is no joke to be included, this is just a difficult time for everyone involved.

This is hard to look at.

Last but certainly not least is the game Chester Cheetah: Too Cool to Fool which was released for the SNES and the Sega Genesis in December of 1992, and the year of 1993, respectively. As standard with many branded video games, this title is a basic platformer highlighting the brand’s mascot, but interestingly enough there is no actual mention of Cheetos during the game. No matter how few copies the game sold though, a sequel was made entitled Chester Cheetah: Wild Wild Quest as Chester Cheetah embarks on a quest to explore the United States to find the ten pieces of the map to find Hip City, USA. Also a platformer, the game involves Chester searching through stages while also having to defeat bosses sent by Mean Eugene, Chester’s rival known by fans of the Cheetos commercials. In a shocking turn of events though, Cheetos are prominent in this title instead and must be consumed in order to stay alive similar to the way mushrooms work in Mario games. Overall, both games are just generic platformers that nobody really needs to play and Chester Cheetah: Too Cool to Fool will only be remembered for the bad translation the manual suffered from. Thankfully, Chester Cheetah lives on through each bag of Cheetos sold in spite of the terrible games he was placed in.

That is it for this week’s editorial, tune in next time and by then Adeki will have hopefully completed Yooka-Laylee so he can review it for the site. Do you like Cheetos, Pepsi, or 7-Up? Maybe you just like the idea of selling your soul to corporations in exchange for money like Adeki is. Whatever the case may be, make sure to leave a comment below and let us know what you think!

10 Comments

  1. Dancing Matt
    Posted 2017.04.26 at 15:39 | Permalink

    Eww, Pepsi. I’d rather play Captain Robitussin. Also, Cool Spot, M.C. Kids, and Yo! Noid are the most playable examples of branded games in my experience.

  2. Sebahamut
    Posted 2017.04.26 at 16:10 | Permalink

    @Dancing Matt You obviously chose not to avoid the Noid.

  3. Lusipurr
    Posted 2017.04.26 at 18:55 | Permalink

    What the fuck is this?

  4. Adeki
    Posted 2017.04.26 at 19:04 | Permalink

    @Dancing Matt: I can’t believe I forgot about Yo! Noid! A classic!

    @Lusipurr: A collection of words that should have never been placed together.

  5. Dancing Matt
    Posted 2017.04.26 at 19:38 | Permalink

    @Seb: Nah dude. I’ve accepted that the Noid exists in this crazy planet we call home, and has a crucial role to play in even the most advanced pizza delivery-based economies.

    @Adeki: A classic? Well, it was a functioning game, which is more than one can say about most of the licensed platformers of its time.

    Lusipurr said: “What the fuck is this?” And I’ve noticed you said this about a majority of Adeki and Sebahamut’s articles. I read them all, if that counts for anything, but is there a point where the article might as well just be about snack food, instead of needing to tie it in with video games somehow? Or is the pretense always going to be necessary?

  6. Adeki
    Posted 2017.04.27 at 18:45 | Permalink

    @Dancing Matt: If I could write an editorial solely about snack food, I would. I have very strong opinions on Cheeto Puffs and the different flavors of Lays, but I know that is not allowed or I’ll be punished again. :(

  7. Lusipurr
    Posted 2017.04.27 at 18:52 | Permalink

    @Adeki: Write about video games OR ELSE.

  8. S.T.
    Posted 2017.04.30 at 10:26 | Permalink

    Pepsiman also starred in some rather uniquely frightening Pepsi commercials in Japan in the late ’90s as well. The game also stars some fat “American” dude in between levels stuffing his face with chips and Pepsi while speaking in broken English which is absolutely riotous.

  9. Adeki
    Posted 2017.05.01 at 10:01 | Permalink

    @S.T.: If there’s one nostalgia based reboot that could grace 2017 I wish it could be Pepsiman in all his glory, those live action cutscenes are a treat and it is entirely possible that they are more entertaining than the actual game.

  10. S.T.
    Posted 2017.05.01 at 16:07 | Permalink

    @Adeki: Maybe Pepsiman 2017 can be a possible Punch beginner…

    P.S. He’s also in Fighting Vipers too which is 1996 3D fighting game on the Saturn. He’s an unlockable in the Japanese version.

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