Editorial: Kingdom Hearts Kinda Sucks, But I Still Like It

Close your eyes. *punches your dick* Owned, bitch! Haha, just kidding. Close your eyes, for real. No, I won’t hit you this time. Okay, are they closed. Ryan. Ryan, close your eyes. Yeah, you in the back, I know who you are. Good. Okay, now imagine this scenario: it’s 2002. America is still mourning after the tragedy known as 9/11. Little baby Bup is 17, not even a legal adult. Bup and America need something to get their minds off the evils of the world. And what releases in September of that year? Kingdom Hearts, a strange combination of Disney and Final Fantasy universes made by Squaresoft. Little cute, baby boy Bup buys the game, pops it into his PS2, and is instantly enraptured. The art style, the music, the characters from two of his favorite franchises all come together in this perfect harmony of a game.

I can hear the music in my head already.

This brings back memories…

Now flash forward 17 years. It’s been 18 years since 9/11, and we are finally allowed to make jokes about it. An old, world-weary Bup puts the Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 + 2.5 Remix in his PlayStation 4, ready to play… after the five gigabyte update that took an hour to download and install. The update is done, and the controller has been charged. That was also a hurdle, but for like a second. The game begins and the all-too familiar title screen song starts. “New Game” is chosen and the actual, real legit game starts. Wow, this game still looks pretty good. I mean, I know it got an HD remake on the PS3, but dang. Okay, how do I fight again? Oh, that’s right: mash the “X” button. Got it. Now how about dodging… oh I can jump, okay. Forgot about that. But no dodging button? Let me look this up. Oh, I have to unlock that ability. That’s… kinda weird. Alright, well I will let it slide, but why is Sora’s jump so “floaty?” His feet are huge (lol), but that should not make him float like that.

Who also always switched out Goofy with the guest characters?

Look at these li’l cuties!

And that is how my re-introduction to this series went. Slowly I learned more and more of the faults of the game, such as the aforementioned lack of a dodge function until late into the game. Also, the lack of direction on where to go next. This is especially annoying, since most of the worlds are like mazes with no map and a lot of trial and error. But at the same time I found myself having immense fun, despite all of the game’s issues. I found myself humming the theme of Traverse Town, the main hub world of the game. I cringed at the scene where Sora smiles really hard, for whatever reason. I still do not “get” that scene. I smiled when some of my favorite Final Fantasy characters showed up. I got frustrated trying to explore the Cave of Wonder. I both enjoyed and scratched my head by some of the voice acting choices. But, despite all the bad, I still really, really REALLY enjoy the game.

It's very creepy, especially during the close up cutscenes.

All the characters have those same dead eyes.

So, what is the point of this article, you may be asking yourself? Is it just to say, “Hey, I still like this game.” Well, yeah, kinda. But really I wanted to ask what makes me still enjoy this game? Is it because, even though it has many, many faults, I still found myself instantly wrapped up in the game world? Is it the fact that it combines two of the most popular franchises to date? Or is it just simple nostalgia? I also felt that Adeki was really mean to the series in his most recent article, so I wanted to counter-balance that. Also, I have not done anything lately, except play this and Breath of the Wild, which everyone and their mother is gushing about, so I wanted to avoid that. I know that Lusipurr.com is kind of known for being the curmudgeons of the gaming world, but I wanted to add some positivity to the topic. I also wanted to ask if there are any games that our dear, dear readers played in the past that they still have fond times with, even if those games are not the greatest. So, tell me: is Kingdom Hearts “good?” Will we ever see a third installation in the series? Are there any games that you feel people are too hard on? Ones that you still find fun to play? Oh, and Lusipurr: no need to comment. We already know you hate the series.

8 Comments

  1. Lusipurr
    Posted 2017.04.04 at 12:11 | Permalink

    I’m glad you agree that Kingdom Hearts sucks.

  2. Bup
    Posted 2017.04.04 at 13:18 | Permalink

    Please abide by the rules of this post and remove your comment. Thank you in advance.

  3. Corrinthians
    Posted 2017.04.04 at 13:44 | Permalink

    I for one appreciate Bup’s positivity and opened mind. Thank you bup!

  4. Adeki
    Posted 2017.04.04 at 22:18 | Permalink

    I’d like to state that on the record that while I do really hate how often Square Enix pads between games through remakes I’ve also purchased every single Kingdom Hearts game that has come out and I do really love playing them (except for Chain of Memories).

    As for a game that I really like playing that not a lot of other people seem to like, that award goes to Chibi-Robo! because man do I love cleaning houses as a tiny robot.

  5. Bup
    Posted 2017.04.05 at 07:25 | Permalink

    @Adeki: There’s a really racist Mexican joke in there somewhere….

  6. Adeki
    Posted 2017.04.05 at 12:17 | Permalink

    @Bup: Thank you for not making it.

  7. Lusipurr
    Posted 2017.04.05 at 12:36 | Permalink

    @Adeki: He made it in his head.

  8. Adeki
    Posted 2017.04.05 at 22:30 | Permalink

    @Lusipurr: Damn it.