Editorial: Nintendo Launch Day Yippees

Welcome, to week four of what is now a SIX-week series of editorials (thanks Dancing Matt!) that is exclusive to Lusipurr.com as no other websites were good enough for these editorials…also none of them wanted these because they were too busy talking about PewDiePie throwing babies into volcanoes. In just one week and two days, the Nintendo Switch will be removed from Tatsumi Kimishima through a c-section-esque surgery. Last week was Playstation consoles, and this week will be about the twenty thousand consoles that Nintendo has released since the emergence of their very first console: the Nintendo Entertainment System.

Technically not a dog but still it was very good.

Such a good boy.

Starting back in October of 1985 (the Famicom was July of 1983), the Nintendo Entertainment System (obviously known as the NES) launched at $200 (over $400 of today’s money) and was able to revitalize the currently crashing and burning video game industry. Over the course of its lifetime, the NES sold 34 million units in North America alone and its Japanese counterpart, the Famicom, sold almost 20 million units. At launch, the NES started off with games including: Duck Hunt, Clu Clu Land and the one and only, Super Mario Bros.. Of course, over its lifetime more and more iconic games released for the NES, making sure that it was forever remembered for its memorable lineup. Not to forget that Nintendo also recently released the NES Classic Edition with 30 NES games built in, HDMI output, a super short controller, and an annoyingly high price-point considering the games included on it (whatever happened to making your own emulation box?). Now people just need to see if Nintendo makes a SNES Classic Edition too, hopefully the controller cord is even shorter!

Get it? Because it is the Super Nintendo? Hilarious.

This is a super picture!

Next up is the Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES) which released in August of 1991 in North America, just about half a year after its Japanese release. Just like the NES the SNES launched with a price-point of $200, which is a couple Hamiltons ($10 bills, saved you the potential Google) over $300 in today’s money. Due to the SNES’s astonishing new powers at the time it was able to produce effects that would make kids lose their shit (technical term) and showcased this through its launch games of F-Zero and Pilowwings, and of course it also started off with Super Mario World, a severely heavy hitter. Over the course of the SNES’s lifetime, from the 1990’s all the way up to 2003, it sold nearly 50 million units which is understandable given the amazing games that released on the console including The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, Super Mario Kart, and Super Metroid. While the NES is remembered as being Nintendo’s first console, many remember the SNES for being the super console it was.

Very clever on Nintendo's part, they do not have a lot of clever moments so it is important to make note when they do.

Third console, third dimension.

The third console this editorial will cover is also the first console that took Nintendo into the third-dimension, that is correct it is none other than the Nintendo 64. All the way back in late September of 1996 the Nintendo 64 came to North America and went on to sell over a modest amount of 30 million units throughout its lifetime. Believe it or not, but this console also launched at a price of $200 (about $300 today) with the slogan of “Get N or get out!” Boy, those were the days. The Nintendo 64 launched in North America with Pilotwings 64 and Super Mario 64 and continued the trend of games ending with a 64 similar to the way the SNES had a lot of games that started with the word Super in order to show that not all cartridges are the same (as if the different sizes were not enough of a hint). All in all, the Nintendo 64 was a really good time with a real painful controller when it came to Mario Party.

Bowling. THAT would sell some consoles.

If Nintendo made a Gamesphere instead it could be used for bowling.

Fourth up to bat is the Nintendo Gamecube which led the way into Nintendo’s first endeavors with disc-based games starting in November of 2001 (in North America), but of course Nintendo always likes to put their spin on it so instead of a standard CD-ROM they decided to make their own mini optical discs just to make sure they were not getting too “with the times.” Another aspect that set the Gamecube apart from previous consoles though is the fact that it did not launch with a Mario game, but instead, a Luigi game! Yes, the Nintendo Gamecube launched with Luigi’s Mansion, Super Monkey Ball, and the best-selling classic Disney’s Tarzan Untamed. The Nintendo Gamecube also launched at $200 (about $250 nowadays), and went on to sell a paltry 20 million units in its lifetime, nowhere near the success of the Playstation 2 which had online capabilities, played DVDs, and had some other features that set it apart from the competition.

But hey, when it came out for the price of $100 that was a STEAL!

It is a little miniature Wii that does not play Gamecube games but does…exist.

Fifth but not made out of…pith (the rhymes get hard after third and turd), is the Wii, no not the Nintendo Wii, just the Wii. What was supposed to represent community and playing together quickly de-evolved into a ridiculous amount of pee jokes. Not only did the Wii drop the Nintendo at the front, but it also launched at a price of $250 (approximately $280 of today’s money, nothing too exciting) instead of the standard $200. However, this did not stop sales as from the time the Wii launched in late 2006 to the end of its retail availability in 2013, it sold over 100 million units thanks to gimmicks, affordable pricing (in comparison to the PS3’s crazy initial price of $500), and the fact that Oprah said it was cool. At launch the Wii started off with Call of Duty 3, Rayman Raving Rabbids and The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, all of which were of similar quality unfortunately. But that did not stop the Wii from doing exceptionally well and led to Nintendo releasing the Nintendo Wii U which did not do nearly as well as its predecessor.

Kind of like Adeki is.

The Wii U, the Wii’s less successful son.

Last up is the Nintendo Wii U which has been talked about a LOT recently due to its failure as a console when compared to its competitors of the Xbox One and the Playstation 4 and the fact that the Nintendo Switch will be here in under two weeks. So, the first mistake the Wii U made was its introductory price of $300 (for the 8GB model), another $50 up from Nintendo’s previous console launch. The rest of the mistakes were covered a couple months back in an editorial by yours truly, so there is no point in going into further detail here but just know that the price was the start of a slippery slope. The Nintendo Wii also launched with a medley of games when the system launched in November of 2012 including heavy hitters like Assassin’s Creed III, Just Dance 4, and the fantastic Disney Epic Mickey 2: The Power of Two. Over its five year lifetime the Nintendo Wii U only sold about 13 million units, a disappointment for Nintendo and fans alike. But hey, maybe the Switch will do better with its lack of a pack-in game, $300 price (while the PS4 and Xbox One can also be purchased for around $300), and super high-tech Joy-Con controllers. Sure. We will see about that.

That is that for this week’s editorial, only two weeks left and Adeki will have to go back to thinking of editorial ideas the day of again, yikes! How do you feel about Nintendo consoles? Love ’em? Hate ’em? Let us know in the comments below and stay tuned for next week’s editorial all about Atari consoles!

4 Comments

  1. Sebahamut
    Posted 2017.02.23 at 09:48 | Permalink

    I LOVE your Slider photo.

  2. Adeki
    Posted 2017.02.23 at 19:00 | Permalink

    @Sebastian: I’ll be honest I thought that I did the Slider wrong and now I’m understanding that as a genuine compliment.

    Thank you!

  3. Lusipurr
    Posted 2017.02.24 at 00:51 | Permalink

    These pictures are terrible and they don’t even meet the site requirements. I’m tempted to fire you again.

  4. Adeki
    Posted 2017.02.25 at 12:13 | Permalink

    @Lusipurr: THEY WERE THE ONLY PICTURES I /COULD/ UPLOAD.