Editorial: Awesome (Not) Steam Greenlight Games, Part 3

Steam Greenlight is a method for independent game developers to submit their game ideas to the masses and blah, blah, blah. Crap, crap, crap. Please stop making these games so I can stop reviewing them. Please. I miss my family!

Help, I'm trapped inside Nate Lile's alt text!

“Lurk”ing its way into a lawsuit.

Dungeon Lurk II – Leona

Dungeon Lurk II – Leona, according to the game’s description, takes place one hundred years before the first Dungeon Lurk. It also seems like this is set one hundred years before stealing graphics from Diablo III is illegal. The developers should have just titled this game “Generic Dungeon Crawler #7738238989.” Oh, wait. In this one gamers play as a hot chick with a hairstyle that would not have existed during this time period. Nevermind, this is totally original. Continue the good work, Keys of Nine Entertainment!

Diablo III/10
Best Comment: RedHatsito: “Looks like intersting”

Nate Liles does not treat his alt text well. Tell the press.

I have always dreamed of racing around a misshaped pizza.

Wild Animal Racing

Wow, finally a racing game where one plays as animals instead of humans. This is 100% an original concept and, as the game’s description states, a “twist” to the concept of a racing game. Even the graphics are original, as it looks like someone spent five minutes in a 3D modeling program to create the animals. Oh, and that person has been locked in a dark room for their entire life and never actually seen any of the animals he or she modeled. Seriously, the “hippo” just looks like Barney the Dinosaur recently underwent liposuction surgery. This game is such a huge “twist” on the racing genre that one of the course options is just called “Roads.” I guess the twist here is that the developer, Paul Bird, stopped caring. Wait a second, Paul BIRD?! I can only assume the “Bird” is not his last name but his species, which would explain this game completely.

Push-Me-Pull-You/10
Best Comment: Dr.Defenestro: “Wow. Taken from the absolute worst moments of gaming in the 90’s.”

This is it for me. Tell my story.

We’re gonna need a bigger CRAP!

Fish or Die

Eh, I’d rather just take the “Die” part.

R.I.P./10
Best Comment: Vaagur: “Sorry man, but those graphics with no musics, 15 fps and such emptyness… That just doesn’t work.”

5 Comments

  1. DiceAdmiral
    Posted 2014.08.08 at 14:26 | Permalink

    This series is great.

  2. Lusipurr
    Posted 2014.08.08 at 14:50 | Permalink

    You may have a break once you finish reviewing all of the games on Greenlight. Keep up the good work! :)

  3. Nate 'Bup' Liles
    Posted 2014.08.10 at 08:55 | Permalink

    @DiceAdmiral: I’m glad people enjoy these, because they’re fun to write. It’s fun to be mean to people who are trying to create.

    @Lusipurr: Can I at least get a light in my room?

  4. Lusipurr
    Posted 2014.08.11 at 22:10 | Permalink

    @Bup: You already have a light. A green light. GET IT?

  5. Nate 'Bup' Liles
    Posted 2014.08.11 at 22:35 | Permalink

    @Lusipurr: No.

    Sorry, who are you?