Hey assbutts. This week I have to work way more than usual while eating way less than usual. The combination has made me very irritable already, if you have not noticed. You probably have. You are all jerks.
Welcome to this paragraph, nutcracks! If you are not quite sure what that means, just picture some testicles, then picture an asscrack, then combine the two.
I am truly sorry, that last paragraph was not very friendly. I will be more calm in this paragraph. Promise. In fact, to be extra safe, I will make another paragraph after this to put even more distance between this article and nutcrack references.
I want to talk about something that scares me about the future of gaming. Some people talk about new trends like Online Passes or future consoles using a leasing price structure or trying to lock out used games. While these are scary topics indeed, they are topics about the gaming industry in general and so tend to make my blood boil less than when people discuss changes to the very games themselves.
RPGs, Lusipurr.com’s primary love, are a drowning breed. They have been left behind by Call of Duty in its steamliner, The Sims in its cruise ship, and Bobby Kotick on a jetski made of money. How did he get a jetski made entirely of money to have a working engine and work on water? He spent a lot of money on it.
It is important to note that a drowning man is not dead. He can flail his arms, he can attempt to swim, and sometimes he will even take a full glorious breath of fresh air without getting a single drop of water in his lungs.
See, in this metaphor, the breath of fresh air represents a good game and the water represents sucking.
Let me please get away from these barely passable nautical metaphors to finally get to the crux of my point. I have read many articles in the past few years that try to come up with ways to “fix” the RPG. And I am talking traditional JRPGs here, we all know that Mass Effect, Fallout, and Skyrim are doing just fine.
These articles make me want to strangle children. And I like children! Without fail, the article will start with some half-baked claim about how nobody wants RPGs to turn into Call of Duty and then proceed to exactly detail what it would take to turn RPGs into Call of Duty.
It is perfectly fine (sorta) if you prefer other genres, but there is nothing wrong with menus and numbers. I – and many others – loved poring over the materia system in Final Fantasy VII. Likewise, I have fond memories of tooling around in the menus of Final Fantasy IX, X-2, XII, Skies of Arcadia, Blue Dragon, and most recently Tales of Graces f. Do not try to tell me that these games would be better without so much dicking around in the menus. That is why I like these games! Or a large part anyway. It is a giant part of what makes them games.
We have countless quality RPGs with the menu and number aspect played down. Action RPGs, mostly. They are lovely, but they are not better. They are different. What happened to celebrating diversity, huh gamers? What the crap is wrong with you? STOP TRYING TO MESS AROUND WITH MY RPGS! Let the cranky drowning man be in peace as he slowly dies in a peaceful tomb of menus.
I do not honestly know how I expected those drowning and tomb metaphors be reconciled, because they most definitely did not.
And now I am going to stop writing.