MAP Episode 111: The Hiring Process

Disclaimer: MasterChef not shown to scale.

This is how these situations come about.

The Megaphones Ahoy! Podcast
Produced 2011.04.10

The site hires three new staff members, but Nate fails to show up for the customary hazing ritual. RPGamer’s Chris Privitere tries to fill Nate’s shoes, but without a HD fart app. for his new iPad2, his performance remains ultimately unconvincing.

33 Comments

  1. evilpaul
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 01:12 | Permalink

    Chris Privateparts should stick to operette and such that are his strong suit. Now I shall go listen to find out who the new peoples are.

  2. Lusipurr
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 01:17 | Permalink

    @EP: Nonsense! Chris did a masterful impression; he merely lacks the AUDIO TECHNOLOGY necessary to present a completely indistinguishable performance!

  3. Lane
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 02:14 | Permalink

    Welcome to all the new people. Now that Shawn has taken a drop of your blood and forwarded it along to me, I have thaumaturgically bound you all to this site. Any attempt to, shall we say, leave, or use a contraction in your post, or even… slip into the second person… shall be met with instant pain from the darkest sorcery I can muster, and let me tell you… I have seen a great many unspeakable horrors in my dream-voyages from the sleeping creches of the sorcerer-kings. It will be… unpleasant.

  4. Lane
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 02:15 | Permalink

    What’s that? Shawn didn’t take your blood so that I could sorcerously bind you all to do my bidding? Shawn, you fool! What have you done?

  5. RootBeerKing
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 02:35 | Permalink

    @Lusipurr I like that you kept the conversation about the Thousand Years of Dreams segment and then DIDN’T actually put it in the podcast…You could have saved even more time by just editing that out…

  6. RootBeerKing
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 03:24 | Permalink

    This podcast sure has some toe tapping outro music!

    Poor Biggs didn’t get much air time…

  7. Deimosion
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 09:14 | Permalink

    You’re welcome for that Sonic Fanon wiki link. For those who feel ready to end their lives:

    http://sonicfanon.wikia.com/wiki/Sonic_Fanon_Wiki

  8. Emmori
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 10:52 | Permalink

    @Deimosion MASOCHISMDUSTRY!

  9. Slab Bulkhead
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 11:26 | Permalink

    @Lane Haven’t you established that the arcane arts are not to be trifled with?

    And, to a lawyer, I would vastly prefer a blood contract to signing my name. Don’t people KNOW what lawyers can do with signatures?!

    *shudders*

  10. Slab Bulkhead
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 11:30 | Permalink

    Also, damn it, RootBeerKing, it’s called STANTLER!

    STANTLER!

  11. RootBeerKing
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 12:04 | Permalink

    I’m terrible with names! I’ve only got room in my head for so many pokeymans.

  12. Lusipurr
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 12:40 | Permalink

    Gotta remember ‘em all!

  13. Slab Bulkhead
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 13:44 | Permalink

    I can guarantee you, Lusipurr, that I do.

  14. evilpaul
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 16:07 | Permalink

    Lady Gaga news interrupted by crazy music. Close enough, I suppose!

  15. Slab Bulkhead
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 17:16 | Permalink

    Lusipurr, you can tell I’m not joking about how bad the economy is on my server when I tell you that on my server, you can get a firefly easily for about 3k. There’s no point in selling anything, because people always undercut you by 50% or more of your price. You put something up for like 1k, and suddenly someone puts it up for 300g. Never mind that the materials for the item would cost upwards of 400 gold to make the damn thing.

  16. darthgibblet
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 18:36 | Permalink

    - I’d love a pokemon game where all the pokemon were food-based. It could be sponsored by McDonalds, since it would make everybody hungry

    - If Julian has dicks and Jenifer has boobs, clearly RBK is left with ass shots

    - I agree with Chris, I want to get the ME2 DLC at some point, but I don’t want to pay for all the pieces individually. They need to release a cheap GotY edition or (better yet) some sort of DLC bundle that has all the stuff together for cheap, then I’ll pick it up and finally get my last ME2 achievement w/ a new playthrough :D

    - I’ll never understand the eternal optimism of sonic fans

    - Do any PSP models besides the Go have bluetooth hardware built in? Without that, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be able to use a standard DS3 controller, you know?

    - The PSP’s form-factor is TERRIBLE compared to the Dual Shock, I can completely understand Chris’ desire to use a real controller instead. The PSP is usable if it’s the only option (god knows I’ve spend enough hours using it on the train), but the analog nub is a joke and it’s missing 2 shoulder buttons when you’re playing PS1 games, not to mention the complete flatness of it. I’d love a setup like the one Chris is trying to get (plug the PSPGo into the TV and use a DS3 from across the room), and now that I know it’s possible w/ a PSPGo, I’d probably get one if the PSP2 wasn’t coming out soon.

    - I’m going to get the PS3 version of Portal 2 because I really want to see what they do w/ the Steam integration. Plus, preordering on Amazon gets you $20 of video game credit for a future purchase, which I don’t think the PC version has.

    - One of my friends at work has a buddy that works for Steam support and, as of a few months back at least, he said the Stream copy that comes with the PS3 version of Portal 2 is just going to be a code you redeem on Steam, so technically you could give it to a friend or sell it (if that’s the case. I realize this is something like 4th hand information at this point, so it could be entirely inaccurate). If it’s true, I expect the TF2-conomy to be flooded w/ Portal 2 codes the day the game comes out.

    - I love how all it takes is the mention of a Final Fantasy game to just about kick off a fanboy war instantly.

  17. Lane
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 18:38 | Permalink

    Like Elric of Melnibóne, I am both sorcerer and warrior. BLOOD AND SOULS!

    People that misunderstand the “undercut the AH price for fun and profit” method of making money in WoW are just as bad as the gold scammer.

  18. Slab Bulkhead
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 18:53 | Permalink

    But Lane, you’re one step away from Eldritch Knight, and all they do is take the intellect of a warrior and the durability of a sorcerer and combine them together in one pile of failure!

    And, don’t worry, Lusipurr! I won’t have any weaboo bullshit for you! I shall simply flood your podcast with Futurama references until the weaboos have been smoked out!

  19. RootBeerKing
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 21:19 | Permalink

    @DarthGibblet Hmm is that deal still going on? Perhaps I might go for that… I mean I was going to buy a boxed version of Portal 2 for the PC anyways…Might as well get the PS3 version and have that $20 credit to spend on the next game I buy.

  20. Lane
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 23:15 | Permalink

    Someone hasn’t read his Moorcock.

    I challenge you to find a more worthy warrior, a more cunning sorcerer, or a greater all-around person than Elric. I mean, c’mon, both Blue Oyster Cult and Hawkwind wrote songs about the guy! He’s awesome, personified.

  21. Lusipurr
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 23:15 | Permalink

    MORE weeaboo bullshit!

  22. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2011.04.11 at 23:38 | Permalink

    Just you wait, Lusipurr! Next podcast will be wall-to-wall Evangellion and loli porn!

  23. evilpaul
    Posted 2011.04.12 at 00:41 | Permalink

    I’m still pissed that more than half my Sorcerers’ alignment was so low I couldn’t item class advance them to Necromancer or Lich or whatever in Ogre Battle (two jobs past Sorc). Wait, what were we talking about? I imagine it’s tiger blood related.

    Jenifer needs to review Dissidia Derp Derp!

    Nate needs to answer his phone!

    Lane needs to stop the “showing up for work and supporting his family” BS and be on the podcast more! It would be irresponsible not to quit immediately and become a defense lawyer. If he locks up all the reprehesible criminals (i.e. 82.4% of Texans) what manner of lawyering will his kids be able to do when they’re grown up?! None! It’s like eating your seed corn or logging without replanting saplings. Lane writes long posts, so he got a long “must do!”.

    SiliconNoob needs to edit the podcast audio so we can enjoy the Lady Gaga news!

    Montok the Destroyer needs to stop touching himself and show up for the podcast!

    Lusipurr needs to refer to it as Mack Oh Ess Ten instead of Mack Oh Ess Ex!

    evilpaul needs moar beer!

    P.S. I approve of this new site guy based on TF2-based violence.

  24. Lusipurr
    Posted 2011.04.12 at 00:44 | Permalink

    OH ESS ECKS!

  25. darthgibblet
    Posted 2011.04.12 at 06:56 | Permalink

    I don’t know how you guys can even debate this, CLEARLY the correct pronunciation is “OSE CROSS”.

  26. darthgibblet
    Posted 2011.04.12 at 06:57 | Permalink

    Also, @RBK: The deal was still on as of Yesterday, I believe it’ll be up until Portal is actually released. Definitely an awesome savings, in my opinion, since I KNOW I’m going to be buying more games from Amazon at some point in the near future.

  27. Lusipurr
    Posted 2011.04.12 at 11:58 | Permalink

    @DG: I just can’t conscience spending anything like $54 on Portal 2–given that its predecessor was given away at one point, and when I bought it was included with a huge selection of other awesome games and priced at $30.

    I appreciate that Portal 2 is more than Portal 1, but the difference in price between the two games is too great, at this point, for me to consider Portal 2 a “day one purchase” or anything like it, especially when there are loads of other games I need to play.

  28. evilpaul
    Posted 2011.04.12 at 12:07 | Permalink

    It came after OS 9! Lies and propaganda!!!

    I got Portal for free when they were giving it away on Steam. I should see if I can find the Orange Box for <$30 locally so I can begin collecting digital hats. Is Pyro fun? I always like killing things with fire. Muwahahahahahaha!!

  29. Lusipurr
    Posted 2011.04.12 at 12:11 | Permalink

    I don’t recommend Pyro for beginners because it is a fairly short-range-focused class, and most beginners don’t live long enough to get into short range, and when they do, they find that more experienced players know how to evade Pyros pretty well.

    Is it fun? Yes, but despite accusations of “W+M1!”, being a good Pyro takes a great deal of skill.

    Best class to start with is Soldier. It’s straight-forward, and the most like any other FPS you’ll find. It’s also probably the most useful class in the game. Once you’ve got a handle on every aspect of that, you should be able to branch into any other class with ease.

  30. darthgibblet
    Posted 2011.04.12 at 12:24 | Permalink

    @Lusi: Certainly an understandable position. I guess I have faith that Valve wouldn’t charge $60 for a game unless they felt they had $60 worth of content in the game. That faith certainly may be misplaced, but I don’t believe I’ve bought any new game so far this year, so I’ll hardly be breaking the bank if it turns out I’m wrong, you know? I’m sure it will be cheaper later on (possibly even free again), but I’m a typical impatient gamer and want it OMG NOWNOWNOW!

    @EP: I agree with Lusi about starting out as Soldier. It’s very easy to play Pyro badly, but difficult to play well (which is why you hardly ever see me playing pyro). What I love about TF2 is the variety, though. Every class plays a bit differently, you just need to find the ones you end up liking the most.

    Also, if you already have Portal, just pick up a copy of TF2 off Amazon for $10 (or wait for the inevitable Steam sale where it’s something like $3). Then you can start collecting hats with the rest of us!

  31. Slab Bulkhead
    Posted 2011.04.12 at 17:41 | Permalink

    @EvilPaul NONSENSE! A real man learns TF2 as Spy! Why? Because then they learn early on that they should not be playing Spy!

    After countless deaths you’ll realize there are much less difficult and much more useful classes to play than Spy (Spy is useful, but too easily countered, in my opinion), such as Medic and Soldier. You may even find, like myself, that Scout is your class of choice. Don’t be afraid. Scout is fun.

    But yes, Soldier will always be the easiest and most useful class in TF2. Aim for the feet!

  32. ferchu
    Posted 2011.04.13 at 16:34 | Permalink

    I enjoyed the part of the japanese music and the japanese pokemon theme xD

    Chris Privitere is so funny , he should be more often on the podcast =D

    YES, less lady gaga news , Huzza xD

  33. Tharthan
    Posted 2011.04.22 at 21:19 | Permalink

    Minecraft(R) is awesome. Full stop.