MAP Episode 60: Interstate Booty Call

Oliver Motok, circa 2034


The Megaphones Ahoy! Podcast
Produced 2010.04.11

On her way out the door for a cross-state lovefest, Biggs has just enough time to record a podcast with Prince Edward Island’s famous tame midget and bacon expert, Ginia. Meanwhile, Nate rapes a cat, or a mother, or a corpse, (or all three) at a wedding.

56 Comments

  1. Oyashiro
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 00:37 | Permalink

    Ewww… you can see some of Oliver’s balls!

  2. breaka666
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 05:37 | Permalink

    good thing I decided to look at this now rather than at school…

  3. darthgibblet
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 07:00 | Permalink

    You know, all things considered, I’m kind of surprised “cat rape” wasn’t a tag before this article.

  4. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 08:30 | Permalink

    Well at least Oliver seems to be looking forward to a VR future …

  5. Jenifer
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 08:38 | Permalink

    Never checking the site while eating ever again. brb barfing forever.

  6. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 09:33 | Permalink

    I believe that this was what Lusipurr was looking for: http://i842.photobucket.com/albums/zz341/SiliconNooB/picture5w.png

  7. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 10:15 | Permalink

    -Starcraft 2 being split into three $60 games (or three $100 games if you’re looking at the special editions) is one of the most obscene things that I’ve ever heard. Anyone who actually buys this travesty does not deserve to own money, which is just as well as they won’t have any left after buying Bobby Nodick a new yacht!

    -Hopefully immersion looks into the myth that we can strengthen out attributes by attacking ourselves.

    -Pity all SH games past SH3 suck balls …

    -I’m just going to continue pronouncing “Eidolon” in the correct fashion, rather than the way it has been sodomised by XIII’s VA!

    -Mistwalker just make games for whoever is paying the bills …

    -You’ve been bumped down to number 7 for FFIX boxart …

  8. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 11:11 | Permalink

    -What was there to like about Legend of Dragoon?! Sony’s localisation was beyond unintelligible …

    -The pre-rendered backdrops were really pretty though … really terrible though.

    -The PSX version of the SNES FF’s were absolutely intolerable!

    -I can’t believe you’re still playing XIII … the game is irredeemable.

    -Why would SE build an engine capable of creating bigger expanses than FFXII, and then use it to make a tunnel game?!

    -And what’s with them making all of the genuinely awesome looking monsters too hard to fight?! Wouldn’t it be better to be able to actually fight some of them, than have to run away all the time?!

    -Maybe some day I’ll feel remorse and pick XIII back up … and then put it down again 30 minutes later, when the game reminds me why I hate it.

    -I don’t own a Zune!

  9. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 11:44 | Permalink

    @Lusi- Did you catch the story earlier in the month where Sakaguchi actually directly confronted SE about turning FF into derivative shit?

  10. DanChiSao
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 11:51 | Permalink

    Oh Great Potato, I totally came here at work to listen to the podcast. I hope our IT guy isn’t paying too much attention today.

  11. Lusipurr
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 12:09 | Permalink

    @SN: I did. It was actually friendly banter. Supposedly both SE and Sakaguchi are done milking the FF cow–but I’ll believe that tall tale when I see it.

  12. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 12:17 | Permalink

    Honestly, I’m at the point where I’ll only buy Nomura designed games without substantial recommendation otherwise.I think the fact that I can no longer consider FFVIII to be a bad FF game really speaks volumes …

  13. Lusipurr
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 12:38 | Permalink

    @SN: Don’t be ridiculous. There can be more than one bad FF game, just as there are varying degrees of badness. Look at FFII — you had to beat up your own party members to have a chance at improving their stats!

  14. darthgibblet
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 12:38 | Permalink

    – It was on some podcast I listen to (believe it was CatFancyCast, but I’m not positive), they said EA would be legally obligated to cover any overdraft fees for the extra Warhammer charges. Not sure if there’s anything to back this up, but they seemed fairly certain about it (and it makes sense, since there’s nothing the subscribers could do to prevent this ahead of time, you know?). All 3 people who still play Warhammer Online should be able to rest easy (you know, aside from the fact that their credit card number is sitting in a database somewhere being pulled by a buggy billing program).

    – “Don’t be lazy like Ginia” is probably good advice for any situation, especially finances. Personally, I use mint.com to keep track of all the transactions going through my accounts and it actually works really well, in my opinion. Helps me stay on top of things like my netflix subscription and the like, make sure it’s always in line with what it should be.

    – PC games started costing $60 with Modern Warfare 2. Thanks again, Activision!

    – This “Immersion” show sounds like an interesting concept, but the “drive a car from 3rd person” segments sounds like just an excuse to crash a car into things. I’m with Jennifer, though, in that I want to see where else they’ll go with the show.

    – Calling Advent Children’s physics “ridiculous” is like putting a sign in the ocean saying “Caution: Wet.” To be fair, though, the scene with Yuffi throwing Cloud up while she’s falling would be reasonable if her downward velocity increased afterwards to match his change in upward velocity (assuming they weigh about the same).

    – Seifer’s probably the best character IN FFVIII. I’d definitely consider playing a game following him around (assuming he doesn’t have to draw magic out of trees or something stupid like that).

    – I’m enjoying FFXI so far. I’ve got a level 13 Red Mage, but I think I’m just about out of new stuff to do until I grind a few levels (which, from what I’ve heard, is a pretty common occurrence). I may end up picking up the game off Steam for $15, but I’d be surprised if I play it beyond the first free month you get. It has made me more interested in FFXIV, though. I need to get around to entering that code that came with FFXIII. Have they announced what that actually gives you yet?

    – I actually spent an INSANE amount of time in chapter 11 of FFXIII (I think almost as much as I spent getting to chapter 11 in the first place). Sure, there are things that you’re not strong enough to attack right away, but they were pretty easy to avoid (and I could take most of them out by the time I left). I agree that the “one hunt at a time” thing is pretty dumb, and I really wish there were an easy way to re-take on a hunt to try to 5-star it (as opposed to running all the way back to whichever stone gave you the hunt in the first place), but I was actually having a lot of fun in that chapter, easily the best in the game so far (I’m about where Ginia is, mid-way through chapter 12). Ethos says that’s pretty much what the new game plus is, so I’m looking forward to that after I get done with the plot.

    – Hooray! Outtakes!

  15. Lusipurr
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 12:41 | Permalink

    @Darth: Except that in that scene from AC, Yuffie is falling and Cloud is rising. She cannot brace herself against the air or nothingness, so she cannot increase Cloud’s rising speed by grabbing his arm and pulling.

    She can, however, reduce his speed (or pull him down) by trying, though.

  16. Lusipurr
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 12:42 | Permalink

    @Darth: Also, forgot to add, the code in XIII is to have your name in the hat for a chance in the XIV Beta for PS3.

  17. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 12:52 | Permalink

    @Lusi- But the difference between XIII and everything else is so great that it has recast that it has recast the substantive quality of all games … If XIII scores an 80% meta-rating, then games that aren’t wretched piles of insipid refuse voided from fecund, odious bowels, can only score 95% or above …

  18. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 12:55 | Permalink

    I think that current marking criteria means that we’re going to have to start marking games out of 200.

  19. darthgibblet
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 13:16 | Permalink

    @Lusi: I think as long as momentum’s conserved to an observer accelerating downward at 9.8m/s^2, she could theoretically accelerate him upwards, similar to how Mario jumping off Yoshi’s back gives him an extra boost (but sends Yoshi downward), even though they’re both mid-air (I know relying on Mario for physics is almost as bad as relying on AC, but just for the sake of example :F). The much more likely outcome, though, would be Yuffi’s scrawny arms aren’t anywhere near strong enough. Or, failing that, both their shoulders get dislocated in the process and they fall to the ground in a writhing mass of pain. Actually, that would have been pretty funny, come to think of it :D. That should have been how the scene ended (then Bahamut fries the whole lot of them).

    – That actually does sound worth while about the PS3 alpha. Initially I thought they said you’d get some free item in FFXIV when it came out or something along those lines. I’ll have to track down that card and enter it in. I’m pretty sure it’s still in the FFXIII case, but who knows :D.

    @SN: As much as I’m enjoying FFXIII, I do think it suffers from the “Super Frank Brothers” effect of game reviews. If the game had come out as a completely new IP instead of an FF main-numbered game, it would have been universally panned (or at least scored around the 60%s somewhere). I think Etho’s score on Riddlethos is much closer to what the game deserves than an 80%. Again, I say that as somebody who’s enjoying the game and will probably finish it sometime this or next week. There are some great parts about the game, but it does it’s best to discourage anybody from experiencing them.

  20. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 13:30 | Permalink

    @DG- If the game wasn’t called Final Fantasy, than it might score a 7-8 instead of a 5-6 … But FF’s status is just fact, and that fact is what causes the lion’s share of its sales …

  21. Lusipurr
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 13:30 | Permalink

    @DG: What you just said about FFXIII. Yes. (Also, Ginia finished it the other night.)

  22. Ethos
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 13:34 | Permalink

    “There are some great parts about the game, but it does it’s best to discourage anybody from experiencing them.”
    That’s exactly it.
    I think Pulse is really fantastic, and I’m playing it all the time. But it’s lunacy that I had to play through a bad game to get to the good game. It’s insanity.

  23. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 13:55 | Permalink

    “There are some great parts about the game, but it does it’s best to discourage anybody from experiencing them.”

    -That’s exactly it, I don’t think that XIII has much of ‘a good part’, but even so it is far beyond my reach at 30 hours+

  24. breaka666
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 15:38 | Permalink

    I can’t wait until everyone moves on to another rpg so we can MOVE ON! wasn’t this FF hate squashed a while ago?

  25. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 15:45 | Permalink

    I don’t believe that people can move on until they can …

  26. kenjujuu
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 16:07 | Permalink

    Everyone should just play pokemon.

  27. kenjujuu
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 16:09 | Permalink

    And the absence of Nate Liles horrifies me. Something should be done.

  28. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 16:31 | Permalink

    The lack of NATE LILES harrows my very soul, never again shall I know happiness until Lady Gaga news comes once again to this wretched land …

  29. Lusipurr
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 17:24 | Permalink

    Everyone should just play Pokemon. Kenjuju is right.

  30. darthgibblet
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 19:32 | Permalink

    Yeah, why is there no discussion of the new PKMN game that was announced? I mean I’m not much for pokemon personally, but this was pretty big news, all things considered, right? Or an I misunderstanding the announcement?

  31. darthgibblet
    Posted 2010.04.12 at 19:36 | Permalink
  32. Oyashiro
    Posted 2010.04.13 at 00:42 | Permalink

    Everyone just needs to play Yakuza 3 to wash the bad taste of FFXIII out of there mouths.

  33. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2010.04.13 at 04:32 | Permalink

    Yes, everyone MUST play Yakuza 3!

  34. Ginia
    Posted 2010.04.13 at 09:21 | Permalink

    @DG: Fuck my life! I really wanted that sammich! :(
    I’ll have to make my own!

    @juju: NOONE should play Pokemon. Like, ever. :P

  35. Ethos
    Posted 2010.04.13 at 13:27 | Permalink

    Ginia. You play The Sims. You cannot say that no one should play Pokémon. The Sims can be entertaining, but Pokémon can be entertaining but is also very well designed!

  36. kenjujuu
    Posted 2010.04.13 at 13:45 | Permalink

    Yeah, what he said. Also, not only is Pokemon ~*AWESOME*~ but it’s a time sink unlike any other. Yes, even more than The Sims.

  37. Lusipurr
    Posted 2010.04.13 at 13:59 | Permalink

    Pokemon is the KING of time sinks.

  38. Tsukikora
    Posted 2010.04.13 at 17:32 | Permalink

    I agree, everyone should just play pokemon.

  39. Oyashiro
    Posted 2010.04.13 at 18:13 | Permalink

    I agree with SN, About everyone needing to play Yakuza 3.

  40. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2010.04.13 at 18:30 | Permalink

    I agree with Oyashiro agreeing with me that everyone needs to play Yakuza 3.

  41. Ethos
    Posted 2010.04.13 at 20:16 | Permalink

    Bah-ha. I DO want to play that game!

  42. Oyashiro
    Posted 2010.04.13 at 20:20 | Permalink

    SN is a smart man for agreeing with me, agreeing with him that everyone needs to play Yakuza 3.

  43. juan22
    Posted 2010.04.13 at 20:24 | Permalink

    “NOONE should play Pokemon. Like, ever. :P”

    100% agreed

  44. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2010.04.13 at 20:49 | Permalink

    Oyashiro is a scholar and a gentleman for agreeing with me, agreeing with him, agreeing with me that everyone should play Yakuza 3.

  45. darthgibblet
    Posted 2010.04.13 at 20:53 | Permalink

    I offer a counter proposition to Oyashiro and SiliconNoob that everyone play Yakuza 1 instead.

    In the fashion of political campaigns, I would also like to imply that you are a child rapist if you don’t agree with me.

  46. DanChiSao
    Posted 2010.04.13 at 22:00 | Permalink

    Lusi, why haven’t you finished Valkyria Chronicles? That’s as big a crime against humanity as not having Nate Liles on this episode or that picture that you posted.

  47. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2010.04.13 at 22:21 | Permalink

    Counterpoint: Anyone who would play Yakuza 1 instead of playing Yakuza 3, loves to play games which have static camera angles!

  48. darthgibblet
    Posted 2010.04.13 at 23:38 | Permalink

    Objection! Then I’ll feel like I’m missing stuff having not played the first 2!

    http://www.blogcdn.com/www.joystiq.com/media/2007/08/phoenix_wright_cosplay.jpg

  49. Oyashiro
    Posted 2010.04.14 at 01:02 | Permalink

    You could if you want, they are great games! There getting hard to find now. Yakuza 3 gives you optional videos to watch that go over the entire story of the first two games.

  50. kenjujuu
    Posted 2010.04.14 at 12:25 | Permalink

    Objection! Can the Court Record show that I agree with Lusipurr and Tsukikora for agreeing with me that everyone should just play Pokemon?

  51. Lusipurr
    Posted 2010.04.14 at 12:33 | Permalink

    @Kenjuju: Sustained!

  52. kenjujuu
    Posted 2010.04.14 at 12:47 | Permalink
  53. kenjujuu
    Posted 2010.04.14 at 12:49 | Permalink

    oh, speaking of which, I vote Phoenix Wright for the next site playthrough – either that or Summer of X. In fact, Summer of X, all the way.

  54. Lusipurr
    Posted 2010.04.14 at 13:05 | Permalink

    Summer of X! Ha ha! You’re funny!

    [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_cF2A40-Yc&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0]

  55. kenjujuu
    Posted 2010.04.14 at 14:12 | Permalink

    …was there a point to that? Other than a spontaneous supply of fanservice in the form of Tidus’ gorgeous abs? If not, then thank you.

  56. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2010.04.26 at 08:46 | Permalink

    I don’t think I’ll ever be able to watch that scene again with out picturing Tidus mooing like a cow, and then shrieking like a hyena!