Podcasts

MAP Episode 41: Worst Podcast Ever

By Lusipurr
67 Comments

Oliver says, 'I suck cock all the time.'


The Megaphones Ahoy! Podcast
Produced 2009.11.29

What are we thankful for? NOTHING. Nate seizes control and the news is left unattended in favour of speculation about the plot of Twilight. Lusipurr tries to get the show back on track, but finds it is like beating his head against a wall. Literally.

SPECIAL BONUS! — Have you ever wanted to hear the sound of Nate Liles shrieking from your pocket? “But that will never happen,” you might have said wistfully. Well, you were wrong, chump! The Official Lusipurr.com Spoiler Warning Alarm is available as an MP3 download today so that you can put it on your cellphone as a ringtone. “What? Nate Liles on my cellphone? I can’t believe it!” Well, stop disbelieving and start being a champ, chump, because it’s real and it’s happening. Put Nate Liles on your cellphone today!

SPECIAL BONUS No. 2! — Unable to believe that we have been so gracious as to give you a special bonus for no reason whatsoever? Well prepare to disbelieve some more, fool, because this week includes a SECOND BONUS (also for no reason whatsoever). With but a simple click, you can download an MP3 file of Oliver Motok saying that he sucks cock all the time–which you can then listen to all the time! It sounds too good to be true, but it isn’t! So, pick your jaw up off the floor and download now! (p.s. this file also works great as a ringtone.)

SPECIAL BONUS No. 3! — By popular demand, Oliver Motok’s most famous declaration of all time: There’s No Exploration in Metroid! Listen to this mp3 and you can relive the moment when Oliver was inaugurated into the vast and boundless annals of internet humiliation. Share it with your friends, your family, and your neighbours. Let mirthful peals of laughter echo from hill to hill in a chorus of delightful tintinnabulation–and remember who brings you these gifts that keep on giving: Lusipurr.com!

67 Comments

  1. killswitchtool
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 00:48 | Permalink
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    I’M DOING A PODCAST!!!!!! Best. Podcast. Ever.

  2. Bup
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 02:30 | Permalink
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    MOM SHUT UP AND GET ME A SANDWICH, I’M DOING A FUCKING PODCAST!

  3. Lusipurr
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 03:39 | Permalink
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    @All: Enjoy.

  4. Epyon
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 05:56 | Permalink
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    Great podcast. Glad to have Oliver on the podcast again, too bad Ginia wasn’t around for the Twilight talk. NATE LILES is a bully. People that like Twilight are weird.

    Also, now that you mention it, there are no female readers at all, are there?

  5. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 05:59 | Permalink
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    NATE LILES on my cell phone? Glorious!

  6. Eric J
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 12:21 | Permalink
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    I like how defeated Shawn sounds at the end.

    Sorry bud!

  7. Ginia
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 13:30 | Permalink
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    1. I can’t believe I missed Twilight Talk! SAD GINIA!

    2. NATE LILES was actually not completely incorrect with his Twilight spoilers. I am shocked, saddened and a tiny bit afraid. (Yes, Edward really does use his teeth for part of the delivery)

    3. Stephenie Meyer IS a shit author. She should take some of her millions and invest in a thesaurus.

    4. I like downloaded content more than hard copy, but only if the download is cheaper. :x

    5. I searched iTunes for an iPenis app, but there is none. You guys got my hopes up. Assholes.

    6. Goldberry.

    7. Best podcast ever.

  8. breaka666
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 14:16 | Permalink
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    @Eric J – heh heh, me too.

    @Ginia – does he stick his penis in her heart too?

    this podcast was like someone being molested verbally. Lusi must feel violated and powerless right now.

    best.

    podcast.

    ever.

  9. Ginia
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 14:21 | Permalink
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    I am extremely sorry to have missed Lusipurr’s psychological and emotional raping on this podcast.

    And alas, no, there is some heart pumping action, but not THAT kind of pumping.

  10. Lusipurr
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 14:49 | Permalink
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    I hate you all.

  11. kenjujuu
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 15:38 | Permalink
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    I’m a female reader! Yay! The only one! Plus, I never post, just listen, so I’m effectively useless – I’m around for the Nate Liles lulz. However:
    Best. Podcast. Ever.
    And Twilight sucks ass.
    Also, didn’t Rodrigo Borgia sleep with his daughter?

  12. Lusipurr
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 15:43 | Permalink
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    I am shocked that we have any readers, let alone a female reader.

  13. breaka666
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 16:00 | Permalink
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    @kenjujuu – I call bullshit. if your female how can you think twilight sucks? that’s like NATE LILES not having gas.

  14. darthgibblet
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 19:49 | Permalink
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    Oh my. Unfortunately, I haven’t had a chance to listen to this podcast yet, but from the looks of it, I’m in for something amazing. Consider my hopes officially sky high. Just thought I’d put everybody on alert.

  15. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 20:05 | Permalink
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    Poor Lusipurr … :( …with the departure of Oliver and Ethan he had high hopes of turning MAP into something grand and classy, NATE LILES has obviously ridden rough-shod over those dashed ambitions in order to bring us his wonderful, wonderful chaos. :)

  16. evilpaul
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 20:15 | Permalink
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    Can we get a “there’s no exploration in Metroid” clip?

  17. Riddles
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 21:00 | Permalink
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    Haven’t you all heard that clip enough? By my memory it’s been featured in AT LEAST three different podcasts.

  18. Bup
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 21:56 | Permalink
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    @kenjujuu: call me

  19. Lusipurr
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 22:55 | Permalink
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    @All: The podcast server is currently down, so you won’t be able to access the MAP or the RSS Feed. It will hopefully be up soon. Sorry.

    @Evilpaul: Yes. I’ll upload it and append it to the post above once our hosting comes back online.

  20. Riddles
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 22:57 | Permalink
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    DAMN YOU SHAWN COOPER

  21. Lusipurr
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 23:03 | Permalink
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    I live only to serve.

    …And also to humiliate you.

  22. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2009.11.30 at 23:21 | Permalink
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    Oliver lives to humiliate himself!

    -This is the best Podcast I’ve ever heard, NATE LILES is a national treasure!

    -Twilight Twat!

  23. darthgibblet
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 01:07 | Permalink
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    - Lusipurr sounds so sad when he was all alone on the podcast. Then people came back, and he immediately sounds sadder.

    - Favorite line of the ‘cast: “Talk about a wood steak!” – Erik J

    - I would think all this Twilight talk would only work to attract MORE female listeners. Perhaps you should change the podcast image on iTunes to reflect the new direction.

    - My dad uses one of those music subscription services and he seems very happy with it. It’s not really something I’d want, but then again, neither is Guitar Hero, so it all balances out!

    - I’ll usually try to get a game off of Steam if there’s an option for it. I’d much rather be able to re-download a game to reinstall it than have to keep track of a physical disc. I’m glad there are options for everybody (I can totally understand wanting the physical copy. I mean when Steam shutters, I’m screwed), and I hope it stays that way for the foreseeable future. Usually sales end up dictating where I get my games, anyway :F.

    - NATE LILE’s description of AC2′s ending actually makes me want to play the game MORE, just so I can see the insanity for myself.

    - I’d be up for some 2v2 TF2 whenever you guys are available. I’m free most evenings on account of being a friendless loser. I definitely wouldn’t call myself “good”, but I’d say I’m “competent” by most standards.

    - Overall, another great ‘cast to add to the current hot streak. Keep ‘em coming!

  24. Ethos
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 01:21 | Permalink
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    Oh MAN am I ever excited for this podcast.

  25. evilpaul
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 01:38 | Permalink
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    @Lusipurr, Most excellent!!! I’ve saved it in my ‘Justneat’ picture/sound directory. I’m making it my crashed program sound too I think.

    Also, I’ll try to go and give you guys a 5 star review on iTunes. It’s all newfangled and stuff though, so I can’t figure it out.

    Also, also, for a discussion topic next week, if you watch New Moon with a girl is it still gay?

  26. Lusipurr
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 01:41 | Permalink
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    @Evilpaul: There’s a “Rate & review” button somewhere, I think. Or at least there should be. Fucking new iTunes. I hate it. Why does Apple ruin everything?

    Also if you watch New Moon, even if you are bathing in testosterone and eating a pile of sausages, you’re still gay. The end.

  27. breaka666
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 08:15 | Permalink
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    @Lusi – same goes for reading the books. a friend of mine once tried to defend the fourth book by saying that since during the course of the novel an ass gets tapped that it was, and I quote, “a guy book.” I then asked him why he read three bitch books to get to the ass tapping. he had no answer.

  28. breaka666
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 08:17 | Permalink
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    oh, and I forgot to ask, when does the contest end exactly? I’ve got two people to come here, chris and purplexpurp. was SN still leading with two?

  29. Ginia
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 10:35 | Permalink
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    @ breaka Your friend is a closet ghey. Sorry. The ass tapping was so glossed over, you can’t even be sure it happened, ’til Bella winds up pregnant.

    I would check your friend’s bathroom for leave-in conditioner and hand moisturizer. These too are signs.

  30. breaka666
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 13:15 | Permalink
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    @ginia – I KNEW IT! I should have known when he said he was going to start playing tennis.

  31. kaya122
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 13:38 | Permalink
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    In case anyone was wondering Nate got his twilight information from last weeks mega64 podcast. My cousin is a HUGE twilight fan and confirmed that what nate said is 99% true.

  32. breaka666
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 13:46 | Permalink
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    @kaya122 – I’m guessing the part about the cardiac edflowering is that 1%.

  33. Ginia
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 14:16 | Permalink
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    I’m still convinced that Nate is a closet Twilight fan.

    Sorry.

    He and I should, like, totally start a Lusipurr.com Twilight reading group.

  34. Syrek
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 14:43 | Permalink
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    Best Podcast Ever!! Nate Liles has outdone himself again with his ability ti completly derail a podcast in only a matter of seconds. Also thanks for the sound files, Lusipurr.

  35. Lusipurr
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 15:46 | Permalink
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    @Syrek: My pleasure! I am always eager to do anything I can do to humiliate Oliver Motok!

  36. Lusipurr
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 17:08 | Permalink
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    @Breaka: The contest has been extended a week just because things got Crazy over the holiday, what with recording on Tuesday and all. We’ll tally up the totals and announce a winner on the next podcast.

    Time is running out, people!

  37. Bup
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 18:16 | Permalink
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    I’m convinced Ginia is a closet jerk. Oh wait, she IS a jerk.

  38. kaya122
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 19:41 | Permalink
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    That other thing that nate does all the time where hes like “coming soon on blueray!!!” is totally mega64s thing.

  39. darthgibblet
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 19:46 | Permalink
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    @Ginia: For the lusipurr.com Twilight book club, I recommend another podcast that is a dramatic reading of the books by you and NATE LILES. You could play all the male characters and NATE LILES could play all the females!

    @kaya: I think you’ve found out NATE LILE’s horrible secret: He IS mega64!

  40. Bup
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 19:55 | Permalink
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    I readily admit that I 100% stole that from Mega64 and I do it in real life all the time.

  41. Lusipurr
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 20:02 | Permalink
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    @Darth: I honestly cannot think of anything more horrible.

  42. darthgibblet
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 21:32 | Permalink
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    @Lusipurr: They could also make it a musical.

  43. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2009.12.01 at 21:57 | Permalink
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    Ginia and NATE LILES could turn their weekly Lusipurr.com articles into a series of Twilight fan-fiction!

  44. Syrek
    Posted 2009.12.02 at 01:23 | Permalink
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    @SN: I can only take so much Twilight talk. This episode was pretty much my limit, along with the Twilightcast episode.

    After listening to this latest episode, one can only imagine how sane Lusipurr is after being verbally raped by Nate Liles.

  45. Syrek
    Posted 2009.12.02 at 10:54 | Permalink
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    It appears Lusipurr has lost his sanity. In his latest tweet on Twitter, Lusipurr tips his hat for Oliver. This can only mean one thing. The apocolypse is closer than we imagined.

  46. kenjujuu
    Posted 2009.12.02 at 13:39 | Permalink
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    …sure is a lot of comments in two days, huh?
    Twilight is more racist than Ethan’s RacistCast, and Edward’s a boring turd. But I would definitely listen to NATE LILES reading them. Although I will not be calling you, Nate. I’m British, and aren’t we supposed to have horrible teeth?

  47. Bup
    Posted 2009.12.02 at 13:41 | Permalink
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    The British have horrible everything.

  48. Lusipurr
    Posted 2009.12.02 at 14:22 | Permalink
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    Nate Liles is our good-will ambassador to other nations, apparently.

  49. Bup
    Posted 2009.12.02 at 14:40 | Permalink
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    Every nation is dumb and gay.

  50. kenjujuu
    Posted 2009.12.02 at 15:28 | Permalink
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    Yay Racism!

  51. Lusipurr
    Posted 2009.12.02 at 17:48 | Permalink
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    ::facepalm::

  52. breaka666
    Posted 2009.12.02 at 19:31 | Permalink
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    wow, I never noticed before but Bup does make this place less classy, don’t he? if standards were prostitutes NATE LILES would be Jack The Ripper. with gas. and STDs.

    granted, I don’t exactly help with my diction do I…

  53. darthgibblet
    Posted 2009.12.02 at 20:38 | Permalink
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    @Luspipurr: Who would you put forth as the alternative ambassador? Ginia or Lane? Then how will the other nations know about impending blu-ray releases? That’s a future I don’t even want to imagine.

    @Kenjujuu: I don’t think it can be counted as “racism” if he hates everybody equally. At that point, it’s just pure, unbridled rage.

  54. Bup
    Posted 2009.12.02 at 20:51 | Permalink
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    IRAQ ON BLU-RAY THIS CHRISTMAS!

  55. Lusipurr
    Posted 2009.12.02 at 21:57 | Permalink
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    There really aren’t words to describe my intense disappointment at the way this site has gone off the rails since its noble, idealistic beginnings.

  56. killswitchtool
    Posted 2009.12.03 at 03:15 | Permalink
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    Hey shouldn’t Oliver and Ethan’s website be hamster or gerbil fancy? I always thought that those were the pets that gay guys love.

  57. evilpaul
    Posted 2009.12.03 at 16:48 | Permalink
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    I’d go with “Moose Fancy” because Ethan is from Canadia.

  58. Bup
    Posted 2009.12.03 at 17:37 | Permalink
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    “Roadkill Fancy” because Oliver is from Tennessee.

  59. Lusipurr
    Posted 2009.12.03 at 19:33 | Permalink
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    The question I have is how many readers have actually put one of the three clips above on their phone?

    I certainly have!

  60. Lusipurr
    Posted 2009.12.03 at 19:33 | Permalink
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    Also, @Bup: Don’t you mean “Sibling Fancy”?

  61. evilpaul
    Posted 2009.12.03 at 20:32 | Permalink
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    The third clip would confuse most people I think.

  62. breaka666
    Posted 2009.12.04 at 15:18 | Permalink
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    @Lusi – Ahahaha!

  63. SiliconNooB
    Posted 2009.12.05 at 04:43 | Permalink
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    Oh, that’s too bad.

  64. Syrek
    Posted 2009.12.05 at 13:47 | Permalink
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    “The Offical Lusipurr.com Spolier Alert” clip and the “There is no exploration in Metroid” are on my ipod( I don’t have a phone at the moment) clip. I’m not too keen about having the second one considering the content and the fact that it’s Oliver who said it.

  65. kenjujuu
    Posted 2009.12.06 at 06:30 | Permalink
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    Everytime I get a text, there is a cry of ‘There is no exploration in Metroid!’ and I get funny looks.

  66. Lusipurr
    Posted 2009.12.06 at 18:55 | Permalink
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    @kenjujuu: Those funny looks are transferred, via a magick telepsychic pathway, directly to Oliver Motok.

  67. Blitzmage
    Posted 2009.12.10 at 18:57 | Permalink
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    how do i download these and put them on my phone?